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About Anna

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  1. I don't know who all is here, just wanted to say Hi! It feels like it has been forever (maybe it has) but loosing all the teeth to lithium still seems to have done the trick. I'm pretty stable (but slightly unbalanced as always) since doctors, en masse, have decided Natural Thryoid is the devil. I tried Synthroid and almost died. It was not good.) Somehow, lucked into a job on the edge of the world, in a small town in Cochise County AZ you can see the border wall, it's fun.) Making more money than I ever have in my life, LOL but still totally poor because we spent 30 k and a year rehabbing our house, Then the husband came up for the holidays and the hot water exploded. The entire place was being sprayed by hot water for 3 weeks. Our insurance company are being complete assholes, Anyway, we have an empty shell of a house at the moment that we are supposed to "rebuild" at present, with far less money to even rebuild it like,, well, crap, and way worse than it was looking (ONG all it needed was PAINT.) I keep asking the husband if we can burn it down and just collect the insurance money. He said we could make it look like packrats got in the electrical system and start a fire, but that would be insurance fraud. So, I will be up in Douglas, Alone, Without a husband for another year. Oh, he says it will go faster but IDK.... We'll see. Speaking of the husband, things are going well there. He has returned to sanity, more or less (I mean, he's always gonna have PTSD) but he's returned to his more normal self THANK GOD. I know I will never get "Truth" but I finally just bit the bullet and said to me, "Listen, he's never going to tell you the worst,, so just assume he slept with 50 ladies of the night and then ACCEPT it. So, that took a while, and eventually I did, got my STDs done, and it's all been good. No more horrible secrets to discover. I still say therapy would do him a world of good, but like, I am the person with the highest license in Douglas, AZ, so that presents a problem. I am also not doing therapy I am doing something called Integrated Medicine and I am liking it, it's short term brief behavioral interventions but a salary of 100 k doesn't hurt either, especially given its more than double what I have ever made in my life, but it's been a lot of fun. I like Douglas but it's pretty much third world medicine here, I mean... I am considering going to Mexico for my PCP. No lie. LOL. Just thought I would check in. Life has been hectic, but mostly good. I have been a bit of a hermit outside of work, and need to get out more. Hope all of you I know (and those are don't) and love, are doing well. Anna
  2. This may be entering mania land. AND SERIOUSLY, WHEN I COME ACROSS MANIA OR HYPOMANIA I DESPERATELY TRY TO KILL IT OFF FAST. THE LONGER YOU WAIT, THE MORE LIKELY YOU ARE TO WIND UP PSYCHOTIC DELUSIONAL AND IN THE PSYCH UNIT. 9-11 TO YOUR DOC. I gotta admit, as someone who does the above, my stability remains better, and then I'm more functional. If you never stop cycling, you never do. The more time you stay in this state, the more likely you are to end up in the psych unit or depressed when you finally crash. NO SLEEP FOR even ONE DAY? I'm on the horn to my doc. Sleep's one of my earliest sx. Please get help. Anna
  3. Do you have a history of rapid cycling or mixed states. Honestly, to me a mixed state is pretty indistinguishable from rapid cycling, which is, actually, as far as I know, more rare. That said, who cares the label? I mean, if you feel that bad, and had SI that required a minder, please call your Pdoc and explain your sx. I have found that mixed/rapid cycling to be the most dangerous of states. Not only am I suicidal and wack, I have the energy to do it. Anna
  4. Nausea is not uncommon in mixed or manic states. I believe it's actually connected to lack of appetite and I have a theory about this. Your brain, realizing there is WAY TOO MUCH going on up there, shuts down the digestive tract, because it's like "Enough already, that's plenty of chemicals to deal with, thanks." Since your brain chemicals are made in your stomach via your histamine receptors, the brain shuts them down. The mania diet, if only it didn't have pesky side effects like freaking psychosis, I'd bottle it, be rich. Aso of note if you are up more, thinking more moving more, hell sleeping LESS burns calories, and you MUST keep eating. I find it hardest in depression actually, my docs always informed me during depression I MUST eat at least 2 meals a day and refeeding myself helped. This loopy illness.
  5. Look, Kratom has risks, like any other drug. I personally would never buy something to INGEST from a Head Shop. I mean, come on. That said, I do know several folks who use Kratom as daily opiate replacement instead of Methadone/Suboxone, and I think it's fair to say that it is FAR MORE harmless than Methadone. However, that means you have PERSONALLY HARVESTED what you know to be a Kratom plant, and dried the leaves and chew them, throughout the day, as happens wherever the fuck it is, can't remember. Also, if you are ingesting the powder, expect it to constipate you into next year. Personally, I find the high similar to Tramadol, it's got a little SNRI going, not just opiate stuff going on. I'm in agreement that you can take a fairly small amount and be high, but what exactly does that mean? You know, medications can be in micrograms, Kratom certainly isn't that. The DEA has been after Head Shops forever, and that's because they started selling stupid shit like FAKE WEED and BATH SALTS to stupid PEOPLE and they DIE. I have no problem with Kratom being scheduled and yes, it certainly may give you an issue? Except, if it's so harmless and whatnot, why do you care? Just quit the damn Kratom if it's SUCH A NOT BIG DEAL. I don't think it's Big Pharma so much as the DEA just being like: hey, "Maybe people shouldn't buy random shit in Head Shops and Ingest it." And yes, I've seen people die after taking bath salts. It's not pleasant. My suggestion to you? Get a Kratom plant going, pretty quick, and go from there. If you can't figure out how maybe you shouldn't be taking it. Anna
  6. Umm... Codeine can be pretty potent. If you have an anxiety problem you MUST be honest with your doc about your use. Opiates and benzos can be bad news. Opiates= opiates=opiates. It doesn't matter if you're a heroin user or not. However, definitely, clonidine, if your doc will prescribe and if you live in a state where it's legal, marijuana is one of the best detox options that exist. I DO live in such a state, have detoxed with or without weed, but clonidine can help you. The dose you are at is HIGH. Usually, Codeine is given out in 5--10 m.g. amounts. You may need to set up a taper plan with your doc and/or some IOP program for support, maybe, but the good news is that Codeine has a SHORT half-life, meaning that your detox and eventual cessation may be fairly short. Honestly, with co-occurring disorders it's harder. It took me forever to taper off Ultram, my particular opiate of choice, and that was BEING on the highest recommended dose. However, when I tapered off Suboxone (wild amounts of Ultram relapse and Codeine use led me to maintenance for a few years) it was HELL. Suboxone has the longest half-life of any opiate I know-- 72 hours. Those half-lives stack up, you end up with a 96-day detox, I found the first 6 weeks the most hellish. Talk to your doc, set up a taper plan, if it were me, I would not COLD-TURKEY from 500 m.g. of Codeine. Really. Anna
  7. Naltrexone has been found pretty effective for ETOH consumption. My worries about Naltrexone (upon stopping opiates, was thinking of cleaning out my opiate receptors) is that everyday, depo doses, the naltrexone is occupying your opiate receptors completely. That means: chocolate, sex, and exercise aren't going to do JACK for your post-acute-withdrawal symptoms. Any drug with COMPLETED SUICIDE as a side effect is something I'm not into, thanks. However, at much lower doses and taken ONLY when drinking, it can be rather effective. In fact, when I worked in a Methadone/Suboxone clinic, the suboxone patients (usually for maintenance users of Suboxone, a small amount of Naltrexone is added, clever, the suboxone is sublingual and makes it to your brain, while the naltrexone gets swallowed, so no shooting up anything else, etc. BUT we saw a MUCH lower rate of alcohol abuse with our Suboxone patients than our Methadone patients. Food for thought. Think the mechanism of action is that it takes away any "brain-reward" for drinking, in that you don't get drunk, but much less nasty than Anabuse. JUST, if you are taking it, especially often, please watch out for depressive sx. I found a MUCH BETTER way to clean out my receptors, and haven't had a craving for an opiate in over a year and a half, but I just can't really go into that. Anna
  8. I've been stable about 8 years now! Lithium! I had to get dentures however, I got a really odd side effect where I got cavities at an amazing rate. Best choice ever. Yes, I have off days in the sense that I might be theoretically blue, stress, whatnot. I DO not have as many typical BP symptoms, although currently I am extremely stressed out and having a hard time (our house burned down, other madness). BUT, I'm not constantly suicidal though I've had moments, nor am I sleeping 2 hours a day, ever. I have found that tracking any symptoms and going from there is really important. With Bipolar stability== more stability== more stability. It's great. I may have to make adjustments but it is not like it was where I was constantly in the swing. i WORRY if I have several bad days in a row. Anna
  9. Hemp seed oil in those quantities should do anything psychoactive. It hardly even has any CBD in it, which is generally calming, anti-inflammatory, anti-pain, but NO THC. I can’t even begin to think why you might have this reaction other than an allergy. There’s an Indian spice that sends me into psychotic delusional panic attacks, haven’t figured out what spice but I eat Indian food cautiously and usually eat the same things over and over. It’s an unpleasant sensation. Anna
  10. HAHAHAHAHAH. Sorry. I would list all the things I've done that were embarrassing/shameful/hurtful but I can't be bothered. I'm over it. It's not the embarrassment that gets me, to be honest, it's how my disorder has hurt my family. I spent a lot more time worrying about forgiveness (and repairing the damage). Embarrassment is a self-centered position; it's all about ME. But how I've caused my family grief? THAT matters. As far as getting over it, I have a Creator, and a personal relationship with it, and things work out. Just my way. I'm sure there are others. It sucks to feel so out of control, I sympathize. Broaden your horizons, though, and you'll forgive yourself your OWN embarrassment right quick. Anna
  11. I'm not a super huge fan of geodon myself. That said, it's not ALL AAPs that are culprits. I have taken Seroquel since dx, and I am an avid yoga person, doing 1-2 hours of yoga a day. I'm mostly muscle. That said, A) have you gotten your heart screened, Geodon is really one of the worst for the Q-T heart interval, and I wouldn't want to be lifting on it unless i was safe B) if Geodon's working, you'll have to figure out the value of trying something else, vs. efficacy. Good luck! Anna
  12. Have never gotten tired while hypomanic. I can go about 6 weeks not sleeping much. But, I do not do that, as then, I become manic, psychotic and delusional and unable to help myself. When I get hypo, I usually dose up, Depakote sounds like a great plan. Anna
  13. As an alcoholic/addict in recovery, I can tell you; you'd be lucky if you are Bipolar NOS, and have a substance abuse disorder. These sets of coping skills along with rapid mood shifts often end up with the dx of BPD. Do meds work for you? Are you feeling at all stable? Is it a desire to get rid of mood issues, or just hoping to deal with events by drinking. You wanting to "save" your brother is a bit odd.... Why is that your problem? Regardless, yes, if you can drink a pint at a time, then you should get treatment for alcohol in whatever manner suits best, and see if you can resolve this. As my first diagnosing Pdoc informed me, substance use disorders are WAY harder than Bipolar. I found that hard to believe..... But, I was dx in 1999 and I now, as of this moment, have 1.5 years clean. Yeah, I gathered time over the years, before relapsing but opiates took me out for a LONG time. Good luck Anna
  14. My Pdoc has a 24-hour line and an awesome receptionist. Never more than 24-hours to get back to me, often less. He is, however, an MD/Ph.D, and really has it together. I think I'd be really upset to be hospitalized and then my care managed by a doc who doesn't get back to me same day. Unfortunately, switching when you are unstable blows: pdocs so often want to be changing SOMETHING often their PET something, so it's probably not the best time to switch, but maybe start looking? Anna
  15. I think losing control with any type of mood episode, even if brief, can be normal. We're human beings, we want to be in control of our disorder. That said, why not process it with your therapist, anyway, and work on forgiving yourself for that shit. Speaking of shit, one time I was hospitalized x five weeks, and had this sadistic doc, who overmedicated me horribly. Took a shit on the floor of my room at the hospital, because I couldn't find the BATHROOM. Finding it (with nurse attached) was initially shameful. I'm over it, I kinda blame the doc. Ha! And that's a bit minor compared to some other stuff I've done manic. Anna
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