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Dixiechick

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About Dixiechick

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  1. You're not alone. I've never been able to hold a job and I have many failed attempts of trying to go to college. I would LOVE to do those things,but every time I do,I end up in the hospital. Anytime I'm under alot of stress or pressure,I go off the deep end. People,including some family member's,consider me to be lazy and a quitter. In the past,that would make me feel bad and have low self-esteem. But,I realized those people don't matter and they're ignorant when it comes to mental illnesses. They have no clue about the struggles we face. The hell with what others think. You have to do what's best for you and take care of yourself. At some point,if you feel like you can handle it,go for it! I just haven't reached that point yet. Unfortunately,even if I were rich,that still wouldn't change anything. I still have hope that one day I can find a job I can handle. But,until then I'm just gonna take care of me. Best of luck!
  2. Well,today I decided to drag my ass out of bed,get dressed and go out in "public." I got a pedicure,did a little shopping and had lunch with my mom. It felt really good to get out. I was a little scared driving,since I hadn't done it in months,but I made it. I will say,I was very fearful of running into someone I knew,luckily I didn't though! Thank y'all for the encouragement,it really helped me take this first step forward today!!
  3. I get choked on my Lithium quite often. Recently I discovered if I take all my meds with chocolate milk(the thick kind)they go right down.
  4. Thanks for the encouraging words,it really means a lot. All the things I did while manic,play over in my head every second of everyday. I hate myself for most of it,but I realize I wasn't in my right mind...that wasn't me at all. I guess I'm just more worried about what everyone else thinks. Yes,I would say I'm mildly depressed,I've mainly secluded myself from everyone. But,I'm not severely depressed where I can't function (been there many times). I'm mostly just embarrassed and I don't want to show my face. Yes,I've been under a psychiatrist's care since I was 13. I've always been on meds when these episodes happen. Currently,I'm on 900mg Lithium,1000mg of Depakote,300mg of Welbrutrin and 30mg of Restoril. I've been to therapy in the past,I'm considering going again to work thru this.
  5. I've had plenty of manic episodes and have been hospitalized numerous times. But,most of those times,only close family members knew. Although, others didn't see me in that state,I still was so embarrassed. The things I did and said haunted me for years. Well,recently I had a full blown "public" manic episode that lasted for some time. During this time,I did things I would NEVER do. Lots of partying,drinking,fooling around with guys half my age,sending naked photos of myself to men,pursuing a relationship with another woman,having phone sex and playing 50 shades of gray with one man,that's just to name a few. Oh,did I mention that I'm MARRIED! Once I finally came crashing down...it involved cops,firetrucks,ambulances,a knife,a gun,jumping out a car,running across traffic on a busy interstate,hallucinations, delusions,me destroying my house,my family and my life. How do you come back from that? Everyone knows,you can't keep that secret in a small town. That was 10 months ago and I literally haven't left my house since. I barely get out of bed. I feel so humiliated and ashamed. How can I ever get my life back after this? Sometimes I think maybe I just need to move,but I'd hate to leave my parents. At this point,I don't know what to do...I feel as if my life is over.
  6. I've been on 1000mg of Depakote for 17yrs now and Lithium for 24yrs for Bipolar. The Lithium seemed to work almost instantly. When I was put on Depakote it took maybe 2wks to kick in. I do remember I had lots of swelling and gained 40lbs within 2 months,but once I got use to it,all that subsided. My mom has also been on it for almost 20yrs. and she has done really well.
  7. Unfortunately,yes...in the late 70s and throughout the 80s my mom was hospitalized for numerous "nervous breakdowns." By the early 90's she was diagnosed with bipolar and put on lithium. She's only had 2 episode's since. Unfortunately,I followed in her footsteps,diagnosed at age 15. I've been in and out of mental hospitals most of my life. Also,my sister ended up suffering as well. She was diagnosed with bipolar,then later with scitsofrenia (sorry I can't spell). So,yeah,our family has been thru hell. My mom has several 1st cousins with it and several of them have children with it. It seems that some of the ones that don't have bipolar suffer from severe alcoholism. On my dad's side his uncle committed suicide. It was said he was depressed and was an alcoholic. His oldest son,my dad's 1st cousin,was diagnosed with bipolar. Unfortunately,he recently committed suicide also. Then his youngest sons,daughter has also been diagnosed with it. So,it seems like my sister and I have it coming from both sides. I don't know if that is why ours is quite severe and very hard to control. Although,doctors warned me not to have children because of the severity of my illness...I chose too anyway,and now I worry if she may oneday have it also. My sister,on the other hand,chose not to have children.
  8. Yes that's correct,Restoril. I'm a terrible speller,please forgive me. That is very true,not all meds are for everyone. I do hope it continues to work well for me. Thanks.
  9. I've had bipolar for many years. The last 5 I've had a terrible problem with sleep,even though I take my bipolar meds. My doctor has tried several things for sleep,but nothing worked. Recently he tried Restporil,it is amazing! I finally sleep all night,8 to 9hrs. The next morning I don't feel hung over,actually I don't feel like I took anything. I hope this helps.
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