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Zergbug

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  1. Uh... i'm not feeling very well... i haven't eaten anything for 18 hours and i'm having my biggest relapse in years. I've felt suicidal the whole day and now it's nighttime, but i can't sleep, i just keep rolling in bed and shaking my head. I remember why i self harmed in the past, it feels like my only option, my scars itch and i feel urges to cut and to kill myself. What am i supposed to do? i feel like i'll end up asphyxiating with a pillow if i don't cut, but it's like going back to square one. everything feels so hopeless... the pills didn't work, the therapyst didn't work, i just dont work! i feel like it's never going to end. I know it's wrong, but i just can't bear it, i don't know what to do. Please just tell me something u.u
  2. hi um... so... i was on my way back from psychotherapy the other day and i realized just how miserable i felt after each session. after some minutes of introspection it became obvious that it's because i have lost hope on myself, on ever feeling better. so, the next day i thought of something, i tried to accept that i may not ever feel hopeful again, that trying to get better when i knew deep down that i wouldn't brought me nothing but pain. and i went on with my day just trying to enjoy what i was doing, the self destructive thoughts were still there, but i stopped fighting them back and just said to myself: "meh, i guess i might kill myself next time i feel bad" and just went back to breakfast. it just felt so... peaceful and soothing to give up on everything. is that really wrong? i felt better than... well... ever just accepting that i should just die soon, to be free of all this crap, but everyone and everything around me seems to believe that it's wrong to think like that. i don't know if it matters, but i stopped taking pills 2 days before that, though they didn't seem to do anything for the months i took them.
  3. Thanks to everyone for their kind words, especially @Geek, you all make me feel like i don't suck at this "role model" thing, and i really appreciate that. We're seeing different therapists sinse january and we feel at least a little better, i think. There are still other issues under this that torment me at night though, i hope i can bring those up soon.
  4. So... my family knows about my problems since the end of 2016, when i pretty much had an emotional meltdown and they saw my cuts, but recently my little brother has been through some rough times (he suffers from depression too) and i think he started doing sh too (based on certain things i found) and i just can't get out of the idea that it's my fault that he got worse. Be honest, is it my fault that he did this to himself?. I feel like human garbage also english isn't my first language, feel free to correct me on that.
  5. Um... this is my first post here. hi. So... i've been having panic attacks for a couple hours now and something horrible is going on. usually i just get very tense and sad and it gets hard to breathe and yadda yadda, but last night images of myself mutilated started popping up in my mind like an art gallery and they are ****ing disturbing. i litteraly couldn't move a finger for an hour. After some minutes of rest it started again and this time i swear my heart stopped for a second (or 2 or 3 or... idk) i thought i was a goner. I'm terrified, i think i'm going insane, i think i'm going to die if this goes on. Does anyone know what the heck is going on with me? has anyone gone through something like this? please help :(.
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