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About Via-maria

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  1. Thanks, yea both of those things i have started to talk about doing... seems like they have been helpfull for a lot of people. I might start asking about mood stabilizers to my doctor. I have therapy on monday and psychologists on thursday..
  2. Im having a hard time with figuring out what is me and what is my bpd. Like when im manic and really happy thats part of it too but im only hapoy when im being manic so is there even a me that isn't the bpd...
  3. I just found out i have bpd...honestly it kind of makes me feel more sane like it wasn't torally my fault i couldn't gain controll no matter how hard i tried. Im seeing a therapist and psychologists. This is the first time in my life that i have been honest with myself that maybe something is wrong, and i don't act like other people. But i feel like i don't have the right language to be able to express what im going through. .like im having intense mood swings and have zero control over emotions when it's happening like im watching myself acting this way and can't do anything. Thw other day i was at a party having a good time and was having a conversation with a few people about standing rock, i felt like no one could understand what i was saying. in my mind they were all attacking me and i started screaming at them infront of everyone and then had a panick attack. My friends put me in the car to take me home and i started screaming and cursing them and then asking for them to validate my feelings about what had happened earlier and started crying and tried to get out of the car to walk home...luckily i have good friends who just ignore me screaming mean things at them and once i got home i started explaining to my roomate who wasn't there how i was in the right and she hugged me and i was immediately calm and happy and laughing and running around my house as if nothing had happened. This keeps happening and i don't know the language to express what im going through or what to do to help it go away. I feel like i shouldn't be around anyone because it might happen again, and when im by myslef i can only scream at myself and cry by myself. I feel broken and like a monster. But finding this site has been cool reading other people making funny jokes about stuff i can understand makes me feel less alone or like i can be okay
  4. Is anyone else in here in a mutually mad relationship, want to share your expierences, it might help me out a lot? How the hell do you navigate all the... i guess craziness. Im dating someone with schitzophrenoa (jeez that words a doozy) and have borderline. Recently we have been apart for awhile because we were both working trimming. i found out he had relapsed and been sleeping with his ex for the past month and a half and lying to me about it as well as gas lighting me...which made me feel like a total piece of shit but because im a pathetic baby who needs someone to love them at all times we are still trying to be together...but are still nowhere physically near eachother ( which for me is already incredibaly emotionally challenging)because he's in a treatment center trying to work his shit out..i want to be supportive of him getting help but am also having a pretty intense manic episode and feel totally abandoned and like i have no control of my emotions and need him to be supportive of me right now too but feel really guilty and selfish even asking for that. He also hasn't seen me have an epsiode and i think maybe saw me as some sort of stable emotional support before and i want to be that...which scares me to open up to him but i also can't really controll my emotions right now and am texting him non stop...but he needs a lot of space and its realky hard for him to communicate.....and part of me is wondering if this relatinship is what is triggering my episode.... Ugh heeelllpp
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