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  1. This is unfortunately a common pattern in unhealthy relationships. The person says and does very hurtful things but also does kind and caring things in order to keep the relationship going. It can be intentional manipulation or it can be a reflection of someone who is in a volatile state, but whether it's on purpose or by mistake it's a bad pattern that hurts the relationship and hurts the other person. It's not stupid to miss him, because there was part of him that you liked, even if him as a whole was bad for you Some people are like your ex, but some people aren't. There are many people who want to be in healthy, happy relationships and those people won't treat you that way. It can take some practice to figure out which group a person belongs to, but once you've had some time to heal you will be able to sort through the red flags with your ex and be more able to spot them in others
  2. You did really well to talk about it with your therapist. I know how hard that can be I suspect that getting past feeling dirty and includes a few things. One part is probably healing from the emotional hurt of the relationship. You need to take good care of yourself so that you'll be able to heal Another part could be challenging and changing some of your beliefs. I think earlier in the thread you said you worried that no one else will want you. I think lots of people will want to date you in the future. Many people get into relationships because they like the other person's personality, they have shared interests and enjoy spending time together. There are going to be people that feel that way about you. Your ex doesn't have the power to change that. The things that make you valuable aren't things that can be taken away
  3. Might there be other techniques that would also help you feel clean? My experience with SH was that in the short term it did something helpful. In my case it was very grounding at a time when my mental illness was at its worst. But what I noticed over time was that it had other downsides. I was trying to keep it a secret from people around me and that went along with feelings of shame and isolation. It helped me cope in the moment, but didn't get me any closer to resolving the thing I was trying to cope with. Coping is important. But coping repeatedly with a situation that just keeps going on is a bad situation to be in. So my suggestion is to think about what types of things might help you in a lasting way
  4. I've stopped self-injuring now, but before I quit I found that I could tell therapists and doctors about the cutting without them wanting me to go in the hospital. The big thing they were concerned about was suicidal intent or accidentally causing a severe injury. I really recommend talking to your therapist. This is an important part of her helping you with your mental health
  5. I'm not sure if this runs afoul of the first-person policy. The question is on behalf of my mother who just isn't a big internet user. I'm the designated mentally ill family member, so most people come to me about these topics. I haven't experienced what she is describing so I offered to post here and she liked that plan She hasn't had much mental illness in the past, but this year there have been a lot of life stressors and she and I have been discussing whether this might have led to some mild situational depression and anxiety for her. In the last few months she's been regularly having a feeling of internal tremor on waking up. It goes away after a few minutes. She's trying to figure out whether this pattern fits with anxiety or not. It's not occurring at other times of day. Has anyone run into this in connection with anxiety? I've had the feeling of internal tremor, but only during anxiety attacks with obvious causes
  6. My circle has a lot of people with personal experience with mental health, so I'm often talking to others who really get it, but my family has some people who have never experienced mental illness. There's definitely a difference in how well they understand what I am saying, but they can understand enough. They can show that they care and they can listen to what I am saying. They sometimes say things that are a bit off, but when I ask them to approach the topic differently they try to do that. I think that this should be the expectation for any topic where one person has personal experience and the other doesn't.
  7. I have a couple times, but it was quite brief and the details were different. I suspect that they were probably different things I'm fairly sure I've read that catatonia can occur with depression, though
  8. I think it's a good thing that you are considering the option. In similar situations I have ended up feeling like I don't have the option of backing off of things I was involved with and I think that I've sometimes missed out on better options because of that
  9. That's great news, and it also makes sense to me that the doctor who prescribes many of your other meds would be a good person to cover pain meds as part of the whole medication regimen
  10. For me it's a factor of severity x time. When it continues for a long time it becomes harder to bear. Moderate depression (what I have currently) is easily tolerable for a few weeks, acceptable (to me) for several months, but past 2-3 years it isn't. I have to extrapolate for mild depression, but I think that if there was a degree of depression that was so mild I could accept it forever it wouldn't count as clinical depression.
  11. I find it validating that someone else had the same problems with it that I did. Still I think there is a good chance that it will work well for you, @CrazyRedhead, and I'm crossing my fingers for you
  12. That was my guess as well, based on the assumption that this friend isn't usually unkind. I've been in a lot of conversations where "How are you?" was not really a question being asked, but just a generic conversation starter. So my guess would be that your friend said "How are you?" when she really meant "I just found out that I have cancer and I am freaking out". Then any response from you that wasn't going in that direction (a direction you did not yet know about) was upsetting to her Well, that rules out my initial guess of what she really meant, but I still suspect it was a variation on "I'm starting this conversation specifically to talk about my cancer". Which I think is a reasonable thing to want, but I do wish people would just lead with what they wanted
  13. In the most literal sense I think that quote is a true statement. This was not the way it was used in this case or a way I can even remember hearing someone use it. The part I agree with is that like physical health, mental health is something that affects everyone. With physical health most people have a decent frame of reference for the different types of poor health. The common cold is not the same as tuberculosis or diabetes. Sore muscles are not the same as a broken bone. Being physically somewhat out of shape is not the same as a heart attack. I think people generally understand how those things vary in terms of severity, whether they are acute or chronic, and that they need different types of treatment. I don't think that same understanding generally exists for mental health. Mental health has its own set of common ailments like stress, low self-esteem, grief, etc and I think pretty much everyone experiences some of those. I think it would be reasonable for the example mom to say that she had the mental health equivalent of pulled muscles and that walking was really helpful. That's useful for people who have a similar type of unwellness but if she had a better framework for the topic she might understand that it wasn't as relevant for people who have a specific mental illness (though some people are bad about this with physical health as well)
  14. I think this is very much a part of it. I think a number of people who would like to help feel pretty lost about how to actually do it. There are also people whose level of interest is high enough to share a mental health awareness post on social media but not much else. Those people suck. For the first group I think it could be really helpful to have some kind of checklist for all people involved. People who wanted to help could use it for ideas of things to offer and people who needed help could use it for ideas of specific things to request
  15. It's one of the many things that I've tried to implement over the years. I find it beneficial, but I experience the same thing that you describe. It's really difficult to push myself to do things and it's even somewhat hit-or-miss with how much I enjoy the activity while I'm there. All the lifestyle things I do collectively make the difference between me being severely depressed and moderately depressed. It requires constant maintenance and effort, but it helps my quality of life. If I'm going to be depressed anyway, at least this way I also spend time with my friends
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