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About watyousay

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    Ball of Fuzz

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  1. Yes, WinterRosie!! That is what I am trying to do with therapy and EMDR. It has just been a long (twenty years and counting) road. Sigh. I think all of mine stems from PTSD and beliefs I formed during trauma. It is taking me forever to rework the beliefs from my trauma, though. They are so ingrained. But I am so encouraged to hear you are free from cycling through them. That is awesome. Thanks for the reply!
  2. Thanks, melissaw72. I did spend a lot buying food for binges, maybe that moved into excessive spending on other things. Thanks for the reply!
  3. Hey there! I have been diagnosed with migraines to explain vertigo that started in 2012 on my honeymoon in Italy and lasted pretty much 1-2 years after that. It was off and on, more or less all of the time. I felt like a little boat tied to a dock. I went to several neurologists, and they said it was just migraines and put me on Topamax and then later switched it to Trokendi XR. Has anyone else experienced vertigo that lasted that long that someone said was just migraines?
  4. This is super helpful. I definitely did freeze during my first trauma, then collapse for subsequent traumas of a similar nature. Thanks for sharing!
  5. It is rough. Being human is hard and can be full of emptiness and confusion. People act like those things are cures and balms, but nothing totally diminishes our struggle to make sense of our existence and our suffering. It is ok you feel this way. I do too. There is still cool shit like other people that understand, art that attacks that false hope, and revolution. Those things help me out. I dunno if it will help you, but thought I'd try. Hang in there.
  6. I had mental illness stuff going on before getting into my addiction. Had about eight years sober now and I crave drugs hard a lot. I mean a lot. Nothing was or is as effective for me with dealing with my PTSD, depression, anxiety and all that. They tell me to try coloring books and meditation, but that's like drinking an Earl Grey tea for a pick me up. I am used to full-blown escape. I am working on distress tolerance, but that is hard. Getting treatment is rough too because then you end up on psych meds and I feel cravings even taking pills in general. It makes me want more pills and more of everything to fix me, an easy and short-term fix. I don't really know what I am doing, but I am trying. It just is frustrating. I also use eating disorders and impulsive shopping as coping mechanisms. Good times.
  7. Hey I am new. Long-time eating disorder sufferer. Started with anorexia and morphed into bulimia, then went to drugs, then went back to EDs, then went orthorexic/exercise bulimic. Went to treatment for the second time a couple years ago and have a treatment team. Noticed that once I started working hard on my ED, I was spending like crazy. Also was on Rexulti at that time. Spending comes and goes but gets bad when my eating gets better. Drives me nuts! Brain needs the rush. Feel like I can't escape. I hate spending, but drugs and bulimia seem worse? Anyone else struggle with this?
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