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sming

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About sming

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    PDoc Confounder

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    NYC

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  1. A bit tardy, but here's my update. The TRD squad at Mount Sinai, NYC said I had to try Ketamine first. Cue huge insurance faff w.r.t. esketamine that lasted weeks, end result being I had to switch to infusions. I've done the 4 "foundational" infusions and despite the profound, amazing experiences, am no better. Hence the TRD squad are to cogitate this Thursday w.r.t. VNS/DBS. Please cross your proverbials for me. Pete
  2. I don't think so. If it were life-threatening somehow then they'd be interested for sure. When I went inpatient it was all about determining how likely I was to top myself. FWIW I have severe, TR "pure" OCD about - topically - topping myself. Anyway, I found that ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) with a great T was game-changing for me. I still get it every day but it no longer competes with my depression and chronic pain for first place in the "worst thing in my life" league any more. HTH
  3. "Not kill myself and pray that some new treatment is helpful" is my take on things
  4. Same here - 42 sessions IIRC and it did diddly squat. Same here. I had some clumsiness with unilateral but that was it. Which, in retrospect, was a godsend. I didn't appreciate it at the time. They want me to do bilateral but it would probably f*ck up the best job I've had in ... my life. As much as I'm hanging on by a thread, I just don't want to jeopardise that for a treatment that is highly unlikely to work/help. Next up for me - via a pointless Ketamine therapy interlude - is VNS or DBS. I don't hold much hope for that (it's essentially just sending electrical signals, just like ECT/dTMS) but it's something on the horizon that I haven't actually tried before. The last ~ 10 years I've just been cycling through meds I've already failed on, I'm that out of options. FML.
  5. It's amazing how meds can work (or help) once, but not afterwards. I've never heard a good explanation (that I buy) for that phenomenon. Me too. My wife is actively against me, piling on the problems as much as she can. My kids... are kids. But my cat is always there and is always happy when I come home. I don't know how I survived (literally) before we got him. Yes, exactly. I listen to a lot of military history stuff and this reminds me of a couple of sayings: "No plan survives contact with the enemy" and "Plan for the worst, hope for the best". I can't count the days when my modest plans have hit the fan completely. It's supremely demoralising and depressing. There's data showing that people's business and career has replaced having a family as the #1 "status symbol of normality" (pick your phrase for it). Basically, millennials are killing themselves to excel in their career, at the expense of everything else and are finding that it brings scant actual rewards, apart from society's approval. This, I don't agree with. If I and my siamese twin, lost at birth, arrive at 50, and s/he's had no mental illness, I *100%* want to be them. No question. The "needless" suffering I've endured over 25 years makes me feel literally sick when I think about it, and leaves me broken - both physically and mentally. Pete
  6. I take it 4 times a day and the subsequent 4 periods are the only times I feel human. I experience very much the same relief that you did/do. Yep, the USA is in full knee-jerk territory with opiates as well, rest assured. Even though I've been taking the same dose for ~2 years, with the same doctor and pharmacy, I am not allowed to get refills. Hence I have to spend 3 hours once a month going to a totally pointless appointment with my pain doc ¯\_(- -)_/¯ Pete
  7. I have real trouble with difficult decisions as well, and not just the typical Normal person trouble - I get hyper anxious that I'm choosing the "best" option, because I know the suffering that will result if I don't. The one bit of advice I can give is that if you can't decide, it must mean that there are no bad options - otherwise it wouldn't be hard to pick, right? Plus you can usually try the other option if this one (most likely) doesn't work. If you're hamstrung by anxiety, have you considered BuSpar? I find it very helpful for my severe OCD and GAD. Failing that benzos are OK short term or ad hoc. HTH
  8. another one to throw into the pot is Mydayis (who the f_ck thought of that name? Christ). My PDoc says the folks who've tried it are getting 12+ hours off of it, which I find hard to believe. Vyvanse initially gave me 7 or so hours, then 5, then ... nothing really. Mind you, I take stimulants for my TRD, as well as probable ADD. HTH
  9. That's a good suggestion. Provigil even helped with my mood for a while. I was also temporarily prodigiously productive.
  10. As per @notloki, yes. I have severe TR anxiety and don't find that Adderall worsens it at all, plus it gives me energy and alleviates my TRD. HTH.
  11. Thanks @mikl_pls. Better in what sense - mood elevation?
  12. Did anyone get any mood elevation from any of these drugs? I ask because I have severe, decades-long TRD that only responds to stimulants. Many thanks.
  13. Adderall and Oxycodone. They're the only things that make me want to do anything at all. Without them my suffering would be so much greater.
  14. I get these too (in fact I'm feeling a "very bad person" because of one right now). The only approach I've had success with for OCD's intrusions is ERP (Exposure Response Therapy). CBT made me try to rationalise and disprove the intrusive thoughts which just dug an even deeper hole
  15. I've taken both extensively (as well as Concerta, Nuvigil etc.) and my 2d is: Provigil - I got amazing effects off of Provigil initially. I was working tirelessly and enjoying it, instead of dreading it and dying for it to be over. It was fabulous. I thought I'd found my med. - But then it basically completely pooped-out. Taking breaks from it (from weeks to years) never recaptured that initial phase. - Now when I take it, I get very mild mood elevation and increased focus. I usually only take it when I really can't motivate and sometimes it helps a bit. That's it. Ritalin - When I first started on it I was crazy for music all of a sudden. For a few days I watched YouTube music videos all day, it was amazing! - After that though the effects levelled-off but I was still getting a good boost in mood, energy and focus for 5-7 hours. - After a couple of months that started declining to where I've been for 2+ years now: I get about 1.5 hours of lifted mood and energy. It's not much but it's worth the World to me. I should add that it lifts my mood (out of the gutter of worthlessness) but doesn't relieve my anhedonia much. I feel "OK" but can't think of a single thing I want to do - There's good data that says that its effectiveness doesn't decrease for ADD but does for depression and this tallies with my personal experience. HTH and always remember that YMMV. Pete
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