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sming

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About sming

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    PDoc Confounder

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  1. I didn't say they weren't true. I asserted that they lost effectiveness after a few years for me since they didn't overall reduce the enormous amount of suffering I experience. Of course we all suffer. But I know what's it's like to live without severe depression, and with severe depression. The suffering you experience living with TRD is constant and orders of magnitudes more than the intermittent suffering that a Normal/relatively healthy person encounters. This is one of the reason that people with depression are orders of magnitude more likely to kill themselves than people without depression, for instance. Hence my question remains - what are you supposed to do when you can't stand the suffering? And the answer I've arrived at is "there's nothing you can do, so just suffer". Or end the suffering yourself.
  2. I wish I hadn't accepted it. Whilst following ACT I got married and had kids. I love the kids dearly but I truly, objectively wish I'd never done ACT and thus never had them. My illnesses make me a poor father, husband and general person to be around. ACT sounds great when you first try it, and it sort of helps for a bit but if you're TR, after a while you just can't do it anymore. I'm as stubborn as a mule, fairly tough and really committed to it initially but after 3 or 4 years I just couldn't pretend any more, because that's what it asks you to do - to pretend that you want to do stuff and pretend you're not feeling like human dogshit.
  3. I think you're arguing a different point there. My question was not about taking on unwinnable battles, it was about being unable to tolerate the daily suffering, with no objective end in sight (discounting ending it all). What do you do then? I, personally can't get on with life because I feel utterly worthless and depressed 90% of the time. The answer is "there's nothing you can do, so just suffer". That's what Steven Hayes maintains. But again, what if you can't stand the suffering and worse, the very logical, objective prospect of more suffering? And that's where the complete asshole (I saw him weekly for 2+ years when I was living in London) Windy Dryden chimes in with trite lines like "my depression is difficult to bear but not unbearable - it won't make me explode", and "having severe chronic TRD is bad but not awful. The World isn't going to instantly end because I have TRD". Sure, these approaches lessen the suffering for a few years but after that, they sound amoral and ridiculous.
  4. Same here. Mindfulness and OCD do not mix well for me at all. FWIW the only thing that helped with my horrific Pure O OCD was Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), where you systematically, gradually expose yourself to your intrusive, terrifying thoughts. I still have Pure O (about committing suicide, ironically) but it's about 30% of what it was. HTH.
  5. but what if what you can't change (e.g. severe TRD and OCD) causes you to suffer greatly every day with objectively no end in sight? I've adopted mindfulness and acceptance into my mental health "armoury" but it only helps with anxiety for me. When I'm catatonically - or "SATW" (Stare At The Wall) - depressed, I'm too low/bad to even think of doing mindfulness and when I do, it's overwhelmingly too much effort for too little benefit.
  6. I didn't know I had severe depression and OCD for 5+ years. I then got treatment but it was too late. The brain connections and pathways that the obsessive depression/OCD thinking had forged were far too entrenched to be undone. My various therapists (mostly CBT) also managed not to diagnose my rampant OCD for another five years. I'm pretty bitter about that. I've had 5 or 6 horrible misdiagnoses in my life - I've been exceptionally unlucky. On that tip, after 25 years of suffering and fighting, it would appear that my body, brain and I are not for this World.
  7. Hi, I think I'm a few years "ahead" (poor choice of word) of you. I've Atypical/Treatment Resistant depression and I've had it for 25 years. 90% of my day is spent feeling very depressed and worthless. To answer your question, I truly don't know if accepting it helps or not. I've tried fighting it for about 15 years, and accepting it for about 10 years. I don't think I could have accepted it unless I'd fought it for a good while since I'm a stubborn bastard. I know that fighting it made my depression worse if anything, since I also have OCD and doing loads and loads of CBT exercises just fueled my OCD, making my depression worse. I also tried ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) and that just dug me a giant hole. It kept me alive but now that I'm done, it's just making things harder. I think what I'm trying to say is that if you're very treatment-resistant, both options are truly horrible I'm afraid to say. There's no comfort or solace in either and both are horrific "choices". I wish I had something more positive to relay but that's what I've experienced, for what it's worth. Pete
  8. Have you done an investigatory exclusion (aka Caveman) diet? Or tried the FODMAP diet? Fiber makes my IBS pain and bloating worse too, as does pretty much all the dietician-recommended solutions. I don't mean to be presumptuous but TBH it sounds to me like you may benefit from some CBT as well as I can't believe that staff and patients ridiculed you for having IBS symptoms (presumably diarrhea). That would be an incredible lack of professionalism on the staff's behalf. Do you take psychotropics (e.g. antidepressants)? They often help my IBS pain, as does Lyrica. HTH
  9. Hey @Blahblah, have you tried Restasis? It's a bit scary how it works (it messes with your tear-making gene expression or something equally low-level) and it takes a few months to get going but I had good results with it. It's hella expensive if not covered on insurance tho. HTH.
  10. I take a plethora of pills for my MI, IBS and chronic pain. I despise having to rely on so many drugs, and the fact that I still feel incredibly bad every day despite taking all these pills. I won't comment on the pro's and con's of polypharmacy. But all said and done, I have no choice; no control over it whatsoever and as the Serenity Prayer says, it's best to try and accept the things that you cannot change 😕
  11. Hey, so I have 20-20 vision, never had problems with my eyes (about the only part of my body I can say that 😕 ) and Provigil does a similar thing to me. Provigil helps so I just put up with it. I use regular eye drops and "special" glasses like these https://7eye.com/collections/ziena (except cheaper) - they really help stop my eyes drying out. I'm a software developer so I kind of have to stare at my screen all day long. Finally apps like https://hovancik.net/stretchly/ and http://www.workrave.org/ also help you to take breaks. HTH, Pete
  12. Hi all, I'm a 20+ year sufferer of extremely TRD and am trying LSD (1P-LSD, more specifically) microdosing to help lift my mood and combat anhedonia. I'd love to know if anyone else has tried this. Specifically: what was your regimen? e.g. every 3 days?, dosage, substance, method did any initial beneficial effects increase over time? if so, over what kind of period? did you develop a tolerance? did it help with your anhedonia? did you try more than a microdose e.g. 1/4, 1/2 or even a whole tab? If so, how was that therapeutically? FTR, I'm taking 10ug (1/10th of a tab) every 3 days using the volumetric method. I felt notably more energetic and less severely depressed within an hour of dosing. This persisted for ~ 14 hours. I couldn't sleep. Now, the next day, I feel kind of back to normal (i.e. feel very depressed and anhedonic), which is very demoralising. Thanks, Pete
  13. For me there's only one of the hundred+ meds that I've tried that's a "go-to" (I am severely TRD), and that's BuSpar. It does really well in most cases for my OCD and anxiety and it doesn't poop-out, like literally everything else I've tried does. Just my 2d, YMMV.
  14. Jesus man, I was merely asking if there were any papers. Forget that I even asked ffs.
  15. Yes but that's not the same as a research paper or a trial. I'll try anyway. FTR this is the link to ForFivo 450mg XL : https://www.forfivoxl.com/ .
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