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About theforest

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  1. I have both. I have similar symptoms to what you described, including the weird rushing feeling, if I read that right. I have not been able to isolate which malady is causing which symptoms. For me, it seems that they work together in kind of a snowball of horror thing. I'm crazier than usual today so please take all this with a grain of salt. Literally had a PTSD trigger and also doing the BP thing today too. I can't dx of course, just popping in to say yes, it is possible to have both, and that you are not alone.
  2. Yes, this. I am not as smart as I used to be. Intelligence and education were prized qualities in my family. I have adjusted my standards and I grieve a lot for the potential me that is lost.
  3. I have known for a while that April is generally a bad month, but now I am realizing how much I lose my mind in July and August. Something else to worry about. Great! Bipolar, the gift that keeps on giving.
  4. Hi and welcome. Glad you came out of lurking. This is a good group of people!
  5. First, good job making the doctor appointment. Tell your doctor what you have told us. Don't worry about judgement - it's the doctor's job to hear stories like yours. They are symptoms of a disease. Please maintain a holding pattern while you hear what the doctor has to say. Then, make the changes slowly. When I am manic, I also want to make huge changes. Make a list of the things that you want to change. Prioritize the list. Tackle the items in small bits and not all at once.
  6. Thank you, Distorted Me. I asked my pdoc about the possibility once and he was not supportive. I believed him. However, I think you nailed it today. I appreciate the perspective change.
  7. Just needing a place to express my frustration today. I'm struggling with concentration, depression, anxiety, having trouble remembering things, general downswing crap. It is hard to keep it under wraps at work and the effort is exhausting. There are times that make me hate living with BP. This week is one of those times.
  8. I don't know if this needs a trigger warning or not so I am moving the text down anyway. I have PTSD from another situation but I keep feeling like there is something else going on deeper that also is causing issues. For almost 30 years I have had a feeling that something terribly wrong was done to me when I was very small, like before I was 8 or 9 and maybe as young as 4-5. I was raised in kind of a weird situation with a lot of adults around that we didn't know very well. I have this creeping feeling like someone touched me and that it was at a time when I was vulnerable, like in a bathroom or when I was sick or something. I asked my sister, who is older, and although she didn't recall anything specific, she agreed with me that I was definitely in situations where some kind of inappropriate touching etc. could have happened. I mentioned it to my therapist but I am still having trouble working through the fact that it might really have happened, especially since I feel that it was early enough in my life that I can't remember anything except a creepy sick feeling. There are parts of me that feel broken in terms of sexuality and vulnerability.
  9. What you are describing was one of the indicators that I was bipolar. Before I was treated, I frequently engaged in high risk behaviour. You are not alone.
  10. I've been in therapy for 5 years. Also medicated. I have a good job. I have a supportive husband. I have a home. But years of abuse and insanity still get the better of me sometimes and I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or that people will "find out" that I am a horrible person (I have bad elements and good), and I still have days/weeks. when I am extremely self destructive. The current incarnation is that (a) I am fighting dwindling self consciousnes and social awkwardness, - all part of myregular repertoire - but now (b) for no reason whatsoever I am fighting against the development of an eating disorder, which is a new development in my crazy. I am in my late forties. WTH, brain? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
  11. I've had what I believe is rapid cycling now since spring. I continue to try to work but that is getting more and more difficult. When I am manic at work, I feel very professional, reach out to higher ups about my grand plans, then later feel completely worthless, confused, and embarrassed. I also have anxiety and mild OCD. I channel some of my rage, energy, and feelings of inherent superiority into cleaning my house. I sweep over and over. Mania in general, pretty much as everyone else here has said. I am brilliant, quick, confident, speak quickly, walk with my head up, correct people, become irritable and then furious, then collapse and feel worthless, can't talk to people, cry about the state of everything (even when things are actually OK at home), etc. Currently on the down side. Applying for disability finally, can't take another meltdown, I feel like I suck at my job, I am unreliable and now deeply confused by life, the universe, and everything. Currently it all feels like TOO MUCH and the depression makes it impossible for me to find my way back to the surface. the only benefit of having been batshit crazy for so long is that now I know I have to wait and my brain will do something else.
  12. Thank you for your supportive responses, @AyYiYikes and @sStrangelove. It means a lot to me!
  13. I have been berating myself for years about how out of shape j thought I was. I kept getting short of breath. Thought maybe it was some weird manifestation of the BP or the anxiety. Turns out I have asthma. All that self-punishment and it's effing asthma. Being crazy sucks sometimes.
  14. My experience in the hospital was a good one but not everyone's is. Is there an intensive outpatient group you could participate in?
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