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Day2Day in the 518

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About Day2Day in the 518

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    Space cowboy/Gangster of Love

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    The 518... figure it out.
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    Music: I play guitar and sing in an acoustic celtic rock duo... sort of a Tenacious McD kind of thing. I also play the bass drum in a pipe and drum band. I want to try to learn the bagpipes next.<br /><br />I am very proud of my Scottish-Irish heritage. We had the most amazing trip to Scotland last year. I can't wait to go back. I'd love to live there!<br /><br />Career: I handle PR for an environmental non-profit.
  1. Man, you're story hits home, sdjeff. My family has a history of depression... and denial. When my son was born, I swore that I would somehow break the cycle; that I would be the loving, affectionate, attentive, involved father that I didn't have growing up. That is what spurred me to get help. It has been one of (if not) the best decisions I have made. My son and I are best friends to the point where I think his mother is a little jealous. Our favorite thing is to cram ourselves into our oversized chair and read 2 or 3 or 4 chapters of Harry Potter every day. Even with this great relationship, I am concerned about finding the right time and the right way to explain everything without him worrying. He may be able to handle it now, for all I know. He continually surprises me with an insight and maturity much beyond his almost 8 years. Like you, sdj, I know that my son has a sense of something not being "right" with me at times. During some of my down times, he has asked his mother why I am so sad and quiet sometimes. I don't have answers, but I share your concerns.
  2. If they were true friends, they would take you to a hospital. I agree with the post about calling your county mental health services or 911 if you are that bad. Get better and then get some new friends... (I know, that's easy for me to say...)
  3. Paternal Grandfather: Suicide Paternal Grandmother: Lived in denial. Aunt on father's side: Possible bipolar. Strange episodes on Ambien. Father: Lack of affection. Never talked about his father at all, as if he only existed as the guy who provided the sperm that resulted in my father's birth. Mother: Never talked about her family. Acted as if she was an only child, when, in fact, she had a brother who died young and suffered from cerebral palsy. Sister: Depression, suicide attempt, getting help, doing better with meds. Also, hypothyroid like me. Lack of real communication or affection in whole family during my and my siblings' childhoods: mother, father, sister and 3 brothers. I suspect everyone in my family of some level of depression. Most either have not realized it or are in complete denial. My sister and I accept it and have sought treatment. My parents and brothers don't acknowledge my depression and treatment. They acknowledge my sister's only because of her suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. However, they feel that she will "be cured" or "get over it" soon.
  4. Lurker, Definitely sounds like you were taken off your other meds too soon. I hope things turn around for you. Your new pdoc seems like an improvement. I feel "guilty" sometimes (or should I feel lucky...) that I didn't have the rough side effects of others who have started Pristiq. I truly believe that the difference for me has been that my pdoc was really good about weaning me off the Lexapro slowly as I was starting the Pristiq. Stay strong and ALWAYS take your meds. Keep posting with updates.
  5. Hang in there! I've seen a lot of posts where people took 3-4 weeks of feeling crappy before they turned the corner, but most if not all did turn that corner.
  6. I had 4 beers yesterday at a birthday party and 2 beers at lunch today. Felt fine both times. However, not everyone reacts the same. Give it a try in a safe environment...
  7. A handful of us are on Pristiq which is supposed to be Effexor without some of the baggage. Might be worth a try. Seems like most of us who are on Pristiq needed 3-4 weeks to see positive effects. I avoided any s/e's by weaning off Lexapro while working in Pristiq.
  8. Uhhh... Read that first post again and do the math... Personally, I might consider another option. Senator, if you find yourself with a partner that you feel comfortable with, then explain the situation. It might take some pressure off, so to speak. Then, have sex and concentrate on the good feeling and just let it be pleasing for both of you. Don't think about the end results. If it doesn't happen during sex, then you won't have to feel bad about disappointing your partner. Take a minute or so to rest and reset, then have your partner help you masturbate. They might "get off" on helping you get off. Your situation is not a disaster. I can think of worse problems: not having any desire for sex, not being able to get an erection or not be able to get off AT ALL. Get creative with a partner that can be sensitive to your feelings, both in the bed and with your AD/MH situation. Definitely don't drop your meds.
  9. Maybe it's TMI (Too Much Information), but your problem is my godsend. Most of the ADs that I've been on have that side effect. Some people have an almost total loss of desire. I don't know what's worse: having trouble getting off or not even wanting to try. I sort of had a flip flop compared to you. I could get off during sex, but had a hell of a time during masturbation. I recently switched from Lexapro to Pristiq. I haven't had sex since the change, but, suddenly, it's much easier to get off during masturbation. This makes me worry about what sex will be like. Will I perform like a hyped-up 13-year old? Anyway, enough about me. I have absolutely no idea if Pristiq would even help you with your Dx. Long story short: Ask your pdoc... Maybe a lower dose of what you are already taking?
  10. I have a similar thought about the afterlife... Actually, it's more of a question. What if there is no afterlife? What if there is no heaven like it's described in the Bible and other religious texts? What if this is our one shot? Our one opportunity to make the most of it... Perhaps, instead of living life with an eye toward the afterlife, we should be living for today, for this life. All the preparation for the afterlife, the guilt and sacrifice that comes with traditional religions could be for naught. Wouldn't that piss you off?! These are the thoughts when I think about suicide. I have a hard time believing that we just shut off like a lightbulb or a TV when we die. It's just too tough to imagine. What happens to that "magic" that makes us human beings? It can't just stop existing. It's magic! We are given free will. We think. We act. We imagine. We love. We intertwine with other people's lives. How can all of that just stop for one person, while the rest goes on. I never really embraced reincarnation, but I realize that I'm headed in that direction with the above logic. If our "spirit" or "energy" (substitutes for the word "magic" that makes us human beings) does not end when our bodies expire, then what happens to it? Consciousness on a body-less plane (not airplane, of course)? That seems as hard to fathom as a complete physical and spiritual shut down. I keep mentally coming back to reincarnation although I hate the connotation that comes with it: cults, crackpots and con men. Your body expires and the energy that makes up your spirit finds a new body. It's not the same spirit, not the same consciousness, because you can't have a 3-year old with 90 years worth of frame of reference to draw upon. Imagine your spirit/energy as an unstable atom. (Sorry if I'm using the wrong terms. I was lousy at chemistry...) Your body is the piece that makes it stable, temporarily. Your body expires and the energy seeks that new body to become stable again. Wow! Some people write books about this and get paid! I'm just sitting in front of my laptop waiting to become tired enough to fall asleep...
  11. Thanks for the feedback. I have taken 100mg in the am for the past 2 days. I felt really good. Great energy... great energy...
  12. I was on Lexapro and added Lamictal (100mg). I gained almost 30 pounds in just a few months. Despite what I've seen in some posts, the pdoc still swears Lamictal is weight neutral. Was it the combination that caused the weight gain? Pdoc switched me to Pristiq and raised the Lamictal to 200mg. It's been about 5 weeks (?) and no change in my weight. We'll give it a couple more months... Anyway, as you can tell from all the above posts, Lamictal works well for some and not so for others. Hmmm... where have I heard that before... Oh, every post in this area of CB! My pdoc also talked about the range of effective doses for Lamictal: 100-200mg.
  13. Not sure if this belongs here... (I've posted several times, but this is the first post that I have started... Took me awhile to find the "New Post" button...) My pdoc is adding Provigil to the mix... Anyone have experience with it... possibly mixed with AD's?
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