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  1. ...And as far as telling friends Smyth, there is no way to know, for sure, what the reaction will be. The essential factors here lie in- how supported you feel by your friends, how willing you are to take a risk of trusting them with this fragile information, how you may react if they take an active role in trying to see you get better. Not fred's personal reaction in their personal life with totally different people, actually has nothing to do with the OPs situation. Because those are all things that only the OP can measure or estimate. It's important to discuss that, and to discuss what might make you more or less likely to talk to other people about this, Smyth. But comparing my specific personal experience with my friend does not really jive with yours, because generally random relationships do not align so precisely. And AnneMarie- it's usually pretty clear that people know there is something wrong going on when they come to a board and spill their guts. Particularly when they have already expressed a desire to stop and have in the past. So suggesting that these are harmful behaviors is overlooked, which you seem to be doing, is skimming the surface of a complicated way of communication and making assumptions based on that. Even I know there is a subtlety to approaching scary challenging things. You generally don't march right up to the tiger that's threatening you and smack it in the face. You acknowledge it, get some consultation, revisit the area a few times. I think Smyth knows, I think everyone knows... this should be resolved in a healthy way. There are steps. One at a time usually works best.
  2. Even if meds help- even if amazingly well- this is still true. Solutions should always come a good deal from the person experiencing the problem [as well as medicaiton when indicated]. There is no magic pill.
  3. Really.... there's cautious and then there's going completely apeshit, ladybug. ETA: Ugh. Fine. I don't feel well and I'm personally sick of pathologizing every little thought, reaction, blink and sigh. But...I guess to be more clear... sometimes people are lonely and silly and do things with out thinking them through. Not everything has pathology behind it, just as not every man is a homicidal rapist. You take things in context. Most of the time we are actually right. But yes, unfortunately sometimes we are wrong when we make assessments of risk. That doesn't automatically indicate high-risk behavior necessitating a therapeutic focus. sometimes people just do stuff that I wouldn't do. Or even, that they might not do at a different time. It also doesn't indicate therapy is useless. It indicates characteristics of a particular situation, most often.
  4. I don't know how to respond other than: it would be odd (and really for me a clear sign to stay the hell away, though I realize it doesnt work like that for everyone) if he were to be judgemental of you, negatively, based on the fact that you two had sex the first night you met. Because um... you were BOTH actually involved in that activity, yes?
  5. ...Ok so I'll bite.My ex had never had a girlfriend, never dated at the age of twenty three. And honestly, if you want to go "nice guy" about it,he was probably there. Instead of looking at my past drug use,my (at the time) current smoking habit, my drinking, my swearing, my occasional General offenses and lumping us into "nice guy"/"bad girl", he decided instead that I'm a person, and individual [omgnoway]. We were together for seven years. There are a few reasons we broke up. Dehumanizing me down to my smoking and drinking and things I have done in the past was NEVER one of them. Because, see, he saw that knowing someone takes work. Beyond yourself. So maybe you can say, possibly, that you desperately need to work on taking some personal responsibility for how you view other people and yourself,and not blame it on mass media. (And oh yeah the ex bf is fairly nutty so you have no excuse there either) Though actually, a hint... you would treat a woman just like any other human being. I should think this was obvious.
  6. Actually, she might only want to be with people with similar interests to her. "Nice guys" aren't included. Ah... wait- are you suggesting you are actually one of these so-called "nice guys"? That's the first point. My second point: you are seriously an asshole for making such a sweeping generalization. Get a reality check. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt before. But the actual reality of it is this: you likely don't get any play because you put everything about YOU first. How YOU see things, what YOU want, how no one wants poor little old you because you are such a "nice guy". News flash, man. You are not actually a nice guy. You go around, making judgements about women, who they are and what their character is like, how they would treat you, and how you should treat them... and practically whether you have any sort of "right" to stake some sort of claim on them... all pretty much based on the concept of nice guy versus bad girl. You classify them as bad girls because because they are... And yet elsewhere you stated Maybe it's not that you are a NICE GUY. Maybe you are actually an asshole with double standards, chicks can see right through it, and they want to better themselves- not continually admit negative things into their lives. Jerk.
  7. I just made awesome stuffed peppers. This is not the usual for me, but thought I'd share what I did. Because if I could do it, it couldn't be too hard, yes? [i tried to be detailed as possible, in doing so, I may have actually skipped something. If that seems to be the case, please let me know! ] CHICKEN SAUSAGE STUFFED PEPPERS WHAT INGREDIENTS DO I NEED? 3 Large peppers, with flat bottoms 10oz-12oz [Apple] Chicken Sausage. [i used trader joe's but this is a loose recipe, you can approximate the ingredients]​ 1/2 medium onion, diced* 2 carrots, diced* 2-3 celery stalks, diced* approximately 1/2 cup tomato soup, preferably with seasoning [i used a basil tomato soup, but you can use a plain tomato base and add seasoning, or not use any seasoning at all. approximating the ingredients, yeah?] ~I cup chicken stock or broth 2 cups brown rice [This rice can be boiled or microwaved. I'm lazy so I used the microwave bag kind. Everyone still thinks I'm a kitchen goddess] 1 large lime Salt Pepper <1/4 Cup oil [canola or olive. don't matter] Water *if you want to make it easier on yourself, there are various pre-diced mixes one can buy at the store approximating these vegetables/this amount. Usually the price is about the same and you don't have to do the work. I know, for example, Trader Joe's sells something called Mirepoix, it comes in a tub and costs like three dollars. Other stores likely have similar. WHAT TOOLS DO I NEED? 1 Cutting board 1 long thin sharp knife 1 short sharp knife 1 large dining spoon 1 plastic or paper bag [grocery is fine] A large [as big as you have, probably] frying pan A medium to large pot​ ...lid for the pot deep pan or dish for oven tin foil oven mitts [or something approximating them] Timer or clock Tongs or ladle wooden spoon or similar [for frying pan] an oven a stove top medium sized bowl WHAT DO I DO NOW? Fetch the cutting board and using that and the long thin knife, cut off the tops of the peppers, like they are little caps. Put the peppers aside for the moment. Soften the lime by rolling it between the palm of your hand and a tabletop/counter while GENTLY applying pressure. Cut the lime into quarters. Put aside where easily accessible while cooking. If you do not have pre-diced vegetables, do this now. [Easy instructions on how to do this] Put the diced vegetables in a medium sized bowl. Lay down the paper or plastic bag on top of the cutting board. Over this bag, slice the parts inside the peppers that connect the middle [clump of seeds] to the edge [the walls] around the inside of the peppers. Then use the spoon to scoop and carve out the white flesh that remains. The white parts are icky. You don't want them. Rinse out the hallowed peppers [get any extra seeds out] and place them aside. Roll/ball up the bag, with all the pepper insides on it and throw it away. Fill the pot to about three quarters of the way, or enough so the peppers could be completely submerged, add salt- about two teaspoons- to the water. Place the pot on the stove and put the burner on high, cover. Ignore the pot. Put the large pan on the stove. Put the oil, chicken broth/stock, and the tomato base into the pan. Turn the burner up to medium. Start to take the casings off of the chicken sausage. Do this by slicing straight down the middle, from end to end. Then peel off the casing, as though you were peeling a banana from the middle of the fruit. When you have the casing off either crumble the meat into the pan or chop the meat and then put into the pan. Use the wooden spoon to stir. Add the diced vegetables to the pan, stirring them in about a quarter of the mixture at a time. Turn up the heat to half way between medium and high. Make sure the pan is centered on the burner. Let the ingredients continue to simmer for three to four minutes. If anything looks especially crazy, make sure you are stirring occasionally so everything is still evenly wet and nothing is burning. [it should still be fairly wet, but don't panic if it isn't] Check the pot of water [remember? Stop ignoring it now!]. Is it boiling? If so, make sure it is at a [<--example], and place peppers in the water, face up, so the peppers fill with water. it may be easier to use the tongs or ladle to do this. The boil will likely slow down initially. This is to be expected. DO NOT PANIC. Set your timer for five minutes. Put the deep dish that you are going to use for the oven near the pot, so you can easily transfer the peppers from the pot when ready. use the bowl you previously had the diced vegetables in to fetch some water. Pour this water into the dish so it is about one half inch deep. Get the bowl out of the way. Put the oven on BAKE at 350 degrees. Back to the frying pan. Add the brown rice, stirring all the ingredients so everything is evenly mixed. Turn the burner under the pan up to high. Continue stirring. When your timer goes off, turn the heat down to low on your frying pan. Turn the burner off on the pot, moving it to another burner if possible. Using the tongs [or ladle], move the peppers into the deep dish, bottoms down. If you use the ladle to do this, do it slowly and drain each pepper over the pot by holding the ladle and pepper against the pot top over the pot of water, allowing the hot water to trickle into the pot of water. Turn back to the frying pan. Turn the burner up to high, and stir and let it sautee until there is no excess liquid. By this point it should take not much longer than five more minutes [but it may take longer.] Did you forget about that lime? Take each quarter and squeeze over the pan of filling, stirring each time. When there is no more extra liquid, turn the burner off. using the spoon you used to scoop out the peppers, start filling up the peppers. You may have too much filling. Fill them to the top as much as you can. They should be a little over full. Cover the dish and peppers loosely with tinfoil. {that is, make a sort of "dome", pinching on the sides of the dish, but giving plenty of room above the peppers] When the oven is preheated [often indicated by a change of the oven indicater light going off or on] place the dish of peppers on the top rack. Set your timer for 25 minutes. Go screw around on the internet for twenty five minutes. [bring the timer with you!] When the timer goes off, check on the peppers. The meat should be very slightly browned, the rice should be slightly [sLIGHTLY] hardened. But really, at this point it is personal preference. Unless you char them, it's hard to mess them up. If you desire, leave them in for about another 5-7 minutes, but much longer than that may dry them out. [remember to reset your timer, and take it with you, if you do this.] AND OMG YOU ARE DONE AND ARE AN AMAZING COOK HOLY SHIT! Dude. Don't forget to eat it and fish for compliments.
  8. Ok, so you see those specific things as being positive and yet label them "bad". You should probably look into that. There is a disconnect there.
  9. Just food for thought: I no longer really do any illegal substances. Maybe occasionally I'll smoke pot [like once every other year]. But I have in the past pretty much tried anything that passed under my nose. I also drink. I'm an occasional when-I'm-drinking smoker. I'm not attacking your point of view but, maybe think about it, and what you are associating with "bad girls". I'm not a bad person, but I do these things. So the association you make.. Is this from personal experience or a result of internalized cultural mores? [or both] It may or may not be important to figure that out along the way. People can do things that are unexpected or even "bad" and still be really good people. Just putting it out there. But like blue chick said, exploring this with a counselor/therapist could prove helpful.
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