To start this off, I'd like to say that this is my first post, although I have been reading this forum for years. Also, I have never been diagnosed with BPD, although I strongly believe I have it. No counselor has ever confirmed a diagnosis, but then again I've never stuck with the same therapists for more than a handful of sessions. (Are there really decent counselors out there?) So, I guess my question goes out to those who do have BPD or have similar tendencies.
I have always struggled with fearing people are lying to me, although sometimes it seems more all-encompassing than other times. I do have a host of really great friends, and although I have sometimes doubted that they care about me, I have finally come to the conclusion that after all the years, they really do, even though my mind sometimes tries to convince me otherwise. However, I never really paid attention to whether or not there was a trend. But, after a bad friend-break-up and more life experiences, I've been more in tune to the way I think about and react to others. And, I've noticed that in the past few weeks I've been feeling more and more like others are intentionally excluding me and/or lying to me whether in my family, my work, or my friend group. So, I'm wondering, does anyone else feel this way? That they'll be fine for a bit and able to think clearly, but then go through periods where you feel everyone is trying to exclude you?
The logical side of me thinks that this likely isn't true, but I can't reason with myself that it isn't true, and I think perhaps they really don't like me. I may be more on edge too because I moved to a new city about a month ago and I'm just now starting to settle in, so maybe now is the point where I sabotage things because I think everyone hates me and then they end up hating me?
I wish people weren't so confusing and were more straightforward.