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Unburdened

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Everything posted by Unburdened

  1. Just hoping someone here can relate to what I'm going through. Last night I went out with 3 people and had what felt like a fun dinner and a couple of drinks. Then when I got home and went to bed I couldn't sleep all night because my negative internal voice was telling me how stupid I came across to people. Literally for 7 hours the voice kept saying things like everybody hates you, you sound like a fool, you should just kill yourself, you're an embarrassment, you're so unlikable, you're a total fuckwit, everything that comes out of your mouth is pathetic and stupid, you should just shut the fuck up. etc etc. Realistically I know I didn't do anything wrong last night and had a simple fun night out and we chatted and ate and talked small talk for 90 minutes. It's because of this negative voice that I feel that it's easier to isolate and not socialise because the after effects are torture. We are told it's unhealthy to not engage with others and that we need to interact with others to avoid loneliness, but there is a massive price to pay and this is why I am so much happier being alone at home. This is so difficult and I am so sick of being cruel to myself. Can anyone understand? This is unbearable.
  2. Thanks for your valuable input, everyone. I asked because I have spent thousands on medications, trying to find the right ones, only to find that when I did find the right ones, the dosage was too low and to increase it would put me in debt. I simply couldn't afford to be on the medications that could potentially change my life for the better. It's a ridiculous situation. Especially in Australia where certain medications are not covered by PBS and you have to pay a fortune for them. Yet overseas, they are easily and cheaply available and are a standard mental health drug. I have tried so many because I have treatment resistant depression/anxiety and also am sensitive to side effects. Most drugs are not suitable for me. I am now medication free (for the moment) as I have reached the end of the road in searching for the right combination and like I said, there are others I tried that may have been good, but doubling the dosage was something I couldn't afford.
  3. Yes I gathered it would be controversial to do it, but at the same time it's very frustrating spending thousands of dollars on medications that don't end up being the appropriate ones for you. I could have done with some help myself and would have welcomed someone else helping me out by giving me their medications that I already have a prescription for. I will most likely ending up getting the medications destroyed but this issue has been playing on my mind for a long time because of the financial hardship involved in getting these drugs in the first place and it's upsetting also that some medications are so costly that if you needed to increase the dosage you just wouldn't bother as you couldn't afford it without robbing a bank.
  4. I've been on many medications trying to find the right ones and have lots of boxes of unused medications. I know these would be very useful for many people, especially the extremely expensive ones. I suppose it's unethical to give them to someone else? Obviously I would only do it if they were on that drug anyway and had a prescription. These drugs cost me a fortune and just giving them to a pharmacy so they can destroy them is like burning money. What are your thoughts? I have no way of connecting with people who would need the drugs however so it's not like I know of people in my life who want my Zyban and other medications. I'm in Australia.
  5. My extreme anger has definitely gone away now that I've gone off the Bupropion. The difference is obvious. I still have irritability and a short temper which I wish I could change, but what I have now is nothing compared to the Bupropion rages. Being on that long term would give you a heart attack or a stomach ulcer I'm sure from all of the cortisol.
  6. I could get a second opinion if I wanted to, but I'm not motivated to at the moment as I have tried a huge amount of medications of different classes and have really lost hope right now of finding one with side effects that I am happy to live with. The psychiatrist I have now is my 5th. It's not because I keep switching doctors though. One retired, and another moved away. I almost feel shame about how I am extremely sensitive to medications. The last two briefly mentioned ECT but I won't do it. I would like to mention that Zoloft did work brilliantly on my depression, but was absolutely terrible in other ways, which then result in poor quality of life due to being fat and sexless. I'm almost considering ayahuasca. Maybe I'm not living in the best place in the world to have access to brilliant experienced open minded doctors who can come up with ideas of which drugs or drug combinations to give me. Or more likely I really have exhausted all avenues. In exasperation the Dr did give me a prescription for REBOXETINE (Edronax) which is an SNRI. I have already been on the SNRI Pristiq. I don't feel compelled to go on the Endronax at this stage as I'm so tired of this constant experimentation and then the weaning off. I will stay on the Lamotrogine for the moment by itself and see what happens. I will try the Endronax if need be. Thanks Blahblah, yes I have tried the SNRIs Pristiq and Effexor in the past. I don't know if it's worth trying more in that class.
  7. I have finally decided to go off Wellbutrin (Bupropion/Zyban) as I just cannot live with this anger and rage attacks any longer. I spend my day swearing, (I can’t fit enough swear words in a sentence), clenching my hands until they are rigid, screaming and hurting my throat, telling myself I wish I was dead and having even more intrusive thoughts than normal, even thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night and I respond by telling myself to fuck off while I‘m laying there in bed. The anger has alarmed me and I can feel the cortisol surging through my body. I’m getting off this medication by myself without help because I went to see my psychiatrist the other day sand he virtually dismissed me and was clearly annoyed with me for having too many side effects and he was frustrated at how difficult I was to treat. There was no sympathy whatsoever. He said we’ve exhausted all avenues. I felt like a fool for not responding correctly to medications that he thought should work. It was a waste of money seeing him and I’m sick of doctors telling me it’s worth having numb genitals or inability to orgasm if you find a pill that gets rid of your depression. The doctor was frustrated with me before for all the pills I’ve been on that I couldn’t tolerate because of sex issues. The Wellbutrin didn’t do anything negative for me sexually (it seemed to have a big improvement on me sexually, actually), but the insane anger is just too much to live with. The anger was over the most minor of things, such as the vacume cleaner cord getting tangled, or losing internet connection. I’m currently on Lamotrigine 200 mg by itself which I hope will help my depression/anxiety.
  8. Good on you for your volunteering. It is that conflict that you describe which would destroy my ability to function. I couldn't cope with the guilt and not being the authentic me. Eating vegan has helped me enormously in that regard.
  9. How do I wean off Zyban/Wellbutrin XL safely? I can’t cut them in half as they are XL and you can only get XL in my country and you can’t get smaller pills either. I can’t see doctor for a while. The pills are the smallest dose ones.
  10. Thank you. I didn't know you could only take it when required. I'm on it as part of my cocktail of ""antidepressants"".
  11. I've been vegan for 26 years and had bad depression prior to then when I was eating an omnivore diet. Depression can make me despise myself, but it would be magnified by a million if I used animals. I couldn't live with myself for supporting animal suffering. I'm not proud of many things in my life, but I do take pride in being vegan. If that wasn't in my life anymore I'd struggle with self esteem on a massive scale.
  12. Has anyone here who has a history of weight gain from antidepressants had success with a very low dose of Amitryptyline? I'm hoping 10mg will not cause weight gain. And I also hope 10mg won't cause sexual problems. Weight gain is something I'm terrified of after becoming huge on Zoloft.
  13. Thanks T.Daniels. I've not tried Abilify. Can I ask if you have major depression. I'm not whether Abilify is suitable for that? I'm currently not on the right meds. I'm on Lamitrogine and We;llbutrin and I'm more focussed, but have very bad anger due to the Wellbutrin and the depression has not diminished much. I have refractory depression and have tried the majority of meds over many many years and don't react to them like ""normal" People do. I also get a lot of the side effects and can't tolerate them. I feel like giving up.
  14. Thanks Browri. I've been on Trintellix/Brintellix and it was terrible for me sexually. It made my vagina completely numb. I will discuss Viibryd with my Dr although I have no faith in SSRIs. Interestingly I just read that it only causes sexual problems in males. Not sure if that's true.
  15. Thanks Notloki. I'll discuss the dosage issue with my Dr soon. It's sad that a person has to possibly stop a medication due to cost reasons. There's no way I can afford 300mg and it's possibly a waste of money being on 150mg.
  16. Thanks for your comment. I won't be going up any further than 150 mg as in Australia it costs a fortune with no rebate available. It's $60.69 for 30 pills. If I knew how to get hold of authentic Wellbutrin from overseas for cheaper than I would, but not sure if it's feasible. Yes, I do intend to stay on it for a decent amount of time to see how it goes.
  17. I've read on here that people are experiencing anger when on Wellbutrin and after reading that I'm wondering if that is happening to me also. I had thought the anger was independent of the drug, but it's getting worse and now I'm concerned it's the drug. I'm on 150 mg. I'm also on Lamictal 200mg. Would increasing the Lamictal help with anger, or is there something else that would help, not of the SSRI variety. Obviously I'll talk to the Dr about this but at over $100 per appointment I can't seem him every week. I could put up with the anger, but it's turning into rages and I feel exhausted afterwards and I have a sore throat from screaming.
  18. I'm a female and I've on a very small dose of Lexapro. I've only been on it 4 days and already it's virtually impossible to orgasm and if I do it's a disappointment as it's such a dull orgasm. The doctor thinks I should stay on it for a month to see if there are improvements. Has anybody tried this and have the sexual problems decreased once your body gets used to the Lexapro? The doctor has said it is my decision whether I continue with it.
  19. I'm on Wellbutrin/Zyban/Bupropion in Australia. My psychiatrist wrote the prescription. It's $61 for 30. Has anybody had success in ordering authentic drugs from overseas?
  20. Thanks for your input everyone, I'll see how I go. Glad to hear that people have had success either way.
  21. I'm currently on 200mg and gradually increasing. Is it best to take it at morning or night? I'm also on Zyban.
  22. What will happen if I take this for more than 4 weeks in a row? The manufacturer says it is not recommended to do this, but I'm enjoying the good sleeping I'm getting from it and am concerned about getting insomnia again.
  23. It is my own voice - the voice of the depressed anxious critical me. CBT doesn't do much for me either, but I do like the look of ACT. I will discuss it with the psychologist.
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