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h3llo

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  1. your acting fairly nonchalant about all this. i mean my uncles brother couldn't leave his room because he thought the FBI was spying on him through his radio. anyways...from what i've read i honestly can't relate to this disorder. but then again i'm always on a quest for what the fuck is wrong with me that probably will take me through the rest of my life. but i can't spend the rest of my life on internet forums or in a vegetative state anymore. i want to live.
  2. Thought broadcasting for me was the sensation I was a human radio station, and everyone in my vicinity could hear my thoughts. Ideas of reference was thinking that all print media had a hidden, derogatory comment about me, so when I had it, I spent time browsing through articles looking for hidden messages. I agree with koakua, you're not really helping with your attitude. I'm not constantly terrified. I'm constantly anxious, but that's because I have anxiety disorders. that sounds kind of scary. i thought that medication would make those go away. wouldn't it? i'm wondering cause when i'm depressed i think everyone hates me and talks behind my back that sounds kind of like that.
  3. im just curious but by thought broadcasting what do you mean? also what are ideas of reference, like from your point of view? i'm sorry but you know how the media portrays schizos...some of the people i meant i just couldn't believe the things they thought. i literally could not convince them otherwise. so...this sounds absolutely terrifying. are you constantly terrified?
  4. yeah i kind of still have a hard time believing it...if i was ever in a severe psychotic state it was when i smoke that K2 spice stuff. i was hallucinating and thought i was gonna die. also when i used to take ambien. cause like the thing is i "came down" so to speak. this way of thinking, my personality and me, is something i've had all my life. my perceptions, my philosophies, my easily hurt feelings, these all add up to who i am. i can honestly say i've never had these extreme shifts in reality to where i was able to differentiate one from the other, because its all been wrapped up pretty much in the same package i've known all my life. if this is true, then i've been experiencing psychosis my entire life, every single day because that is what this seems like. i never had moments where i thought to myself later "wow i just saw satan playing a nintendo DS! that was odd." and i never really hallucinated voices, unless like i was in a haunted house but that's kind of the point. i'm a pretty introverted person, so when i did have psychosis on that spice stuff, i noticed it RIGHT away and told my mom. and for people reading this, do never EVER try spice. because i'm pretty sure that i overdosed on it. no one really knew anything about it a couple years ago, but im positive you can OD on it cause i blacked out, first time then i had my seizure. can't help but wonder if the spice cause my seizures... anyways i guess what i'm trying to say is im kind of irritated over this diagnosis and have been for a while. i've seen a beautiful mind and the soloist and i can't really relate. and my family always knew i was pretty moody but they never thought i had bizzare thoughts or hallucinations. i guess it doesn't help that im really not good at expressing myself sometimes lol. you know doctors they analyze everything you say and then some.
  5. You've been around here long enough to know that judging other people's form of crazy isn't okay. Not even close to okay. We don't do that around here. look can we just take a chill pill? i was trying to be funny. i was simply stating that if i do have schizophrenia, that's as severe as it gets i wasn't promoting murder or lessening what this person said.
  6. the part where you think people are talking to you through the tv really does sound textbook schizo...i remember watching a documentary where a guy thought that the radio was talking directly at him. man i'd be so depressed if that happened lol cause i mean that's as crazy as you can get without going on a killing spree, although i know that's a different kind of crazy. i do frequently feel i can do great things but even when im not manic. some of its good and some of its bad, and im glad i was smart enough to read up on this stuff at borders (RIP)
  7. yeah i know what you mean my parents are always saying how happy they'd be if i could just be on lithium. but i really was curious about your delusions. im just trying to you know compare and see if i can relate. that's really cool your in graduate school. i've considered that but with the way things are for me 2 classes is enough its just so expensive its unreal. the paranoia wasn't NEAR as bad as the depression which was the reason i was there. i mean its just one of those things i guess...its not that bad. my problem is more anxiety and bipolar.
  8. i guess i just have some general questions if i ever really want to come to terms with my diagnosis i guess i should start relating to others with it...just to see if i shouldn't get a second opinion or something. 1) what types of delusions do you have? apparently this is the reason i was diagnosed. when i was hospitilized i told people i was afraid someone would cut off my hand. granted, this was after i met the guy who cut his hand off who did have full blown schizophrenia... do you guys believe that you are related to famous people? i remember Zelda Fitzgerald thought she was friends or was related to famous people...she was married to F. Scott Fitzgerald, who i really hope you know lol. 2) Is it normal to not hallucinate? i don't at all. thank god. 3) what is the difference between bipolar disorder with psychosis and schizoaffective? 4) most importantly, how much will this really effect someone's life? can you still be creative and express yourself, can you still have goals that seem a little out there to the normal person? can you still have outrageous beliefs that most people just don't get? and also...is there anyone who has a problem buying some of this? there's just not a lot of grey area in psychiatry.
  9. im sorry i didn't respond. before ECT i went off all of my meds so they had to ween me back on everything, but the AP wasn't Geodon anymore it was clozaril. i actually just got off it a few days ago. now im on latuda... did you feel your brain change? i felt it. it feels different. like someone opened up a window in the middle of my forehead and some air is getting in.
  10. my sleep was so bad i got maybe 4 hours. i had all this nervous energy and my thoughts were kind of racing in the beginning.i'm not feeling manic or was feeling manic but that was just hell. i hope it goes away. i called my case worker she's gonna call me back once my doc gets in but i was wondering if this was common with anyone else getting off cloz? i read that rebound mania is common. i am on latuda now but i still slept horribly. on the flip side i can get up at 10am now, 2 hours earlier then when i was on cloz on the higher doses.
  11. hm i thought you meant maintenance ECT. which is something i've heard some people do. but you know whatever works for you. i've had many ridiculous side effects that just boggle my mind lol...
  12. no i just had my first treatments and then was out. are you going to?
  13. you might need to be hospitilized honestly. back then when i had suicidal thoughts constantly, i would tell people about it and then i'd be hospitilized. so since you are having these you should be hospitilized. but its a safe enviroment and ECT does have side effects, for me i had amnesia about the days/weeks leading up to the treatment.but you just can't tough this out you have to do something about it. i tried toughing it out its impossible and don't let people tell you that!! i hate it when i'm told that. ECT is scary as an idea, the actual procedure is more pleasant than getting wisom teeth removed, and your knocked out. and since your gonna be hospitilized i suggest you get a big pad of paper and a pen and start writing and drawing lol...thats what you do in the hospital.
  14. i'm going off of my clozaril and onto latuda i see my pdoc today actually im gonna tell her. i'm still on my medication techincally but a very low dose. i drank diet drinks all day. maybe that's why...
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