hopelessromantic

BP2, not really manic, not really depressed, but I do tend to stay in an irritated mood. Need meds because I am dangerously close to menopause age and don't want this on top of that. Life is too short to be in this pissed off irritated state of mind. Thanks for any ideas, stories and suggestions.

I was told "I miss the old you". Translation: they miss the drinking partying hypersexual manic me who zipped through life without a care. I just don't trust myself to be that person anymore. I'd rather be boring and grounded. When you meet someone while manic and then get your shit together, you do seem to be a different person. Others can't believe the stories they hear about me because it's so different than the me of today. Just thinking out loud.

Friends/family along with the 3 that are going on the cruise with me think I am overthinking this. I have asked for prayers that the ship will not sink or run into bad weather. Also prayers for: no type of norovirus or food poisoning, no seasickness, no sunburns or migraines from bunkmate, no dehydration issues, no overindulgence in alcohol that results in stomach sickness ( I don't drink so this applies to bunkmates ). With the recent news with D.R. tourists I pray for no tainted alcohol. No injuries or illnesses since we could not get the insurance. And I don't want my anxieties over screaming unruly kids running around the ship to make me go batshit crazy. I plan on taking those disposable gloves and wearing them. I refuse to touch utensils at the buffets. I will only eat omelette eggs or things like pancakes (now that I have a slow digestive tract I doubt I will be eating much of anything) . Probably just bottled water to drink. I have to have somewhat of a normal routine and this being my first cruise I do not know what to expect. Carnival ship, mid-August to Bahamas. Is it possible for me to relax and actually enjoy this vacation? Would love advice, thanks . . . . . . .

I just got on prescription strength prilosec on Thursday - so far so good - I have TEMPORARILY made changes to my diet as I don't expect to eat/drink like this forever. But for some reason I don't understand, hot tea has been one of my irritants, iced tea also for that matter. I am not brave enough to try a soda yet. I don't lie down after eating and I make sure to drink my water after each bite or two of food, instead of one drink to 4 or 5 bites.

Anybody have the problem of timing out and having to sign back in? I signed in then later opened another window to check social media - when I went back to this window I had to sign back in - this has never happened before - - - is this a new safety feature or something?

Woke myself up crying this morning - I can't even blame the dreams on Seroquel because I didn't take it - but this one is one of the dreams I have had several times, I just rarely wake up and remember it quickly enough. But it was there vividly this morning. The dream represents fulfillment in a part of my life that is very unfulfilled. I was having a hard time with this part of my life the night before, ruminating on it, getting angry about it, going round and round in my head and again coming up with no clear cut answer. And for some reason a few hours later after I fell asleep I had this dream again where this part of my life was just about perfect. The nicest people helping me and sharing in this area. Familiar friends from dreams before reaching out. I wasn't manic in the dream but I felt euphoric. I woke up and instantly started to cry, knowing that I probably will never have the fulfillment I experienced in the dream. All of this sounds like a great storyline for an episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE but that's how it is I guess. . . . .

I feel pretty good today - excited because Celine Dion released a new song today!

I like to call it being "self-aware"

Heart beating to where I thought people in the room could see it through my shirt. I was trying to do the breathing to get it to slow down (another hope that no one is staring at me). I did not know my heart could pound like that in just a matter of moments when the meeting turned into a "let's go around the room and share ideas". GULP

These replies are full of great advice. There is an upcoming Saturday when my SO is volunteering and it will take up most of the morning and afternoon. I decided to use that time to do something she said she would love to do with me, but I know she would get bored in 20 min. So I am taking a road trip for that day! That way I can experience it, not be rushed or made to feel bad that she is bored, and when we get back home that night we will have stories to share. WIN WIN!

Hoping everyone had more fun than stress. I just walked across the street to my neighbors. I made peanut butter eggs (not too hard but very addictive) and as usual let her family do most of the talking since I'm rather introverted. Nice to have someone open up their home and table.