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Everything posted by hopelessromantic

  1. BP2, not really manic, not really depressed, but I do tend to stay in an irritated mood. Need meds because I am dangerously close to menopause age and don't want this on top of that. Life is too short to be in this pissed off irritated state of mind. Thanks for any ideas, stories and suggestions.
  2. I was told "I miss the old you". Translation: they miss the drinking partying hypersexual manic me who zipped through life without a care. I just don't trust myself to be that person anymore. I'd rather be boring and grounded. When you meet someone while manic and then get your shit together, you do seem to be a different person. Others can't believe the stories they hear about me because it's so different than the me of today. Just thinking out loud.
  3. Hi everyone - hope that you all find some happiness in the upcoming holidays in whatever form that may be. 

  4. Friends/family along with the 3 that are going on the cruise with me think I am overthinking this. I have asked for prayers that the ship will not sink or run into bad weather. Also prayers for: no type of norovirus or food poisoning, no seasickness, no sunburns or migraines from bunkmate, no dehydration issues, no overindulgence in alcohol that results in stomach sickness ( I don't drink so this applies to bunkmates ). With the recent news with D.R. tourists I pray for no tainted alcohol. No injuries or illnesses since we could not get the insurance. And I don't want my anxieties over screaming unruly kids running around the ship to make me go batshit crazy. I plan on taking those disposable gloves and wearing them. I refuse to touch utensils at the buffets. I will only eat omelette eggs or things like pancakes (now that I have a slow digestive tract I doubt I will be eating much of anything) . Probably just bottled water to drink. I have to have somewhat of a normal routine and this being my first cruise I do not know what to expect. Carnival ship, mid-August to Bahamas. Is it possible for me to relax and actually enjoy this vacation? Would love advice, thanks . . . . . . .
  5. Is anyone else experiencing either a new feature or a glitch where I am logged off after a half hour or so of inactivity? Just curious if it was my computer or this message board feature . . . 

  6. I just got on prescription strength prilosec on Thursday - so far so good - I have TEMPORARILY made changes to my diet as I don't expect to eat/drink like this forever. But for some reason I don't understand, hot tea has been one of my irritants, iced tea also for that matter. I am not brave enough to try a soda yet. I don't lie down after eating and I make sure to drink my water after each bite or two of food, instead of one drink to 4 or 5 bites.
  7. Hello from a coastal NC neighbor!

    1. AnxietyGirl74


      hi. how are you/ Sorry my computer screwed up so it won't let me do question marks. I actually had to move to coastal SC but I'm still pretty close. I used to go to Trinity Wellness Center when I was in Leland. Now I go to Michael Wilcox in Garden City. 

      I hope you're doing well. This is the time of year I usually have a rough time. I'm actually doing well so far, though. I was shocked,  but in a good way. Glad to hear from a neighbor even if it is a little further than originally thought.

  8. Anybody have the problem of timing out and having to sign back in? I signed in then later opened another window to check social media - when I went back to this window I had to sign back in - this has never happened before - - - is this a new safety feature or something?
  9. Great weekend for college football!

  10. Woke myself up crying this morning - I can't even blame the dreams on Seroquel because I didn't take it - but this one is one of the dreams I have had several times, I just rarely wake up and remember it quickly enough. But it was there vividly this morning. The dream represents fulfillment in a part of my life that is very unfulfilled. I was having a hard time with this part of my life the night before, ruminating on it, getting angry about it, going round and round in my head and again coming up with no clear cut answer. And for some reason a few hours later after I fell asleep I had this dream again where this part of my life was just about perfect. The nicest people helping me and sharing in this area. Familiar friends from dreams before reaching out. I wasn't manic in the dream but I felt euphoric. I woke up and instantly started to cry, knowing that I probably will never have the fulfillment I experienced in the dream. All of this sounds like a great storyline for an episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE but that's how it is I guess. . . . .
  11. I feel pretty good today - excited because Celine Dion released a new song today!
  12. Heart beating to where I thought people in the room could see it through my shirt. I was trying to do the breathing to get it to slow down (another hope that no one is staring at me). I did not know my heart could pound like that in just a matter of moments when the meeting turned into a "let's go around the room and share ideas". GULP
  13. These replies are full of great advice. There is an upcoming Saturday when my SO is volunteering and it will take up most of the morning and afternoon. I decided to use that time to do something she said she would love to do with me, but I know she would get bored in 20 min. So I am taking a road trip for that day! That way I can experience it, not be rushed or made to feel bad that she is bored, and when we get back home that night we will have stories to share. WIN WIN!
  14. Hoping everyone had more fun than stress. I just walked across the street to my neighbors. I made peanut butter eggs (not too hard but very addictive) and as usual let her family do most of the talking since I'm rather introverted. Nice to have someone open up their home and table.
  15. Do you want friendships or a relationship? Sometimes your answer might be "neither one". What about group support, possibly one for MI but another one more socially based, perhaps a church group that goes out for coffee. Anyway, you have to think long and hard and choose wisely. Many of us have our "friends" online. I am one of them. I am socially awkward. Ask yourself what you really want . . . . .start small if you need to. Who knows, you might meet a friend and it turns into a relationship.
  16. Maybe having the radio on a calm station? I use Spa on XM satellite to keep me calm. Let the other cars pass you, and stay in the lane closest to the exit you need. If you keep your eyes focused ahead, it is somewhat less taxing on the nerves than looking in the rearview and seeing all the tailgaters and zippy lane-switchers. Good luck to you, the traffic struggle is real.
  17. I felt closer to God and more interested in church when I was manic. I was filled with love and joy and all the things that church and a relationship with God is supposed to make you feel. Back then everything was elevated, especially senses. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because I could not get there in a genuine way. I still pray and talk with God but "the shine" is off, I guess is one way to put it. Once this depression and irritability lessens I hope to go back to church and have a better outlook.
  18. I have so little in common with most people that I don't try anymore. We are getting new neighbors but I am wondering about going down the street and introducing myself as I don't believe it's going to turn out to be anything other than - - - - - just that. A neighbor.
  19. My coworker mentioned to me "did you see all the people lining up along the roads to see Billy Graham's procession? They didn't even know him - I just don't understand". I told her that, in this world, in this day and time we are living in, having Billy Graham pass away in some way might represent the last bit of humanity left in this world is now gone. I tried to think of who we as a nation would elevate into that position - I could only come up with Joyce Meyer or Joel Osteen. Not even close. That part was even sadder. We really don't have anyone else to look up to in that regard. Sad.
  20. I am sorry to read of your Mom's passing, Saoirse. I had 48 hours to come to grips with my Mom not able to make it. Wasn't ready for that at age 25. That was over 20 years ago. The pain lessens. But please, do take the time to grieve, and on your own timetable. It is important to tune out others who mean well but may not know what is best for you. Thinking of you.
  21. Are you open to trying a similar med? Do you think that is what the doctor has in mind going forward?
  22. I have such a mixed bag, paired with my childhood, nothing would surprise me. I always ask myself "what if I hadn't dissociated" or "what if I did grow out of the infatuations", what would I be like today? What if I did not have BP2? It does circle around the brain. Sometimes I wonder if I had the key to the exact answers, would I really want them, or be able to live out the rest of my life actually knowing everything. Knowing why, and how.
  23. I have wondered about how my manic episodes have affected me, especially with the hypersexuality, b/c I was extremely infatuated with girls growing up but I fooled around with boys. It always seemed to be whenever I had a particularly heavy crush on whatever girl, there would be some boy in the picture.
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