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Everything posted by lefer

  1. Although I feel down, i dont think it's depression. I dont feel calm. I feel i should be doing something with my life. But i unable to because Im not well.
  2. I have SAD bipolar type. I'm unrestful all day long. I can't even stay in bed because I'm not at peace. What are your advises and experiences?
  3. Does anybody feel that you are guilty for not working? Like the doctors and someone else find you are lazy? I have schizoaffective bipolar type, but never had hallucinations. Only disorganized thinking. I have tremendous anxiety and sometimes depression. Also, does anyone feel like everybody else is fed up with you. I find people don't listen to me.
  4. I scarcely have appointments with the pdoc. It's been more than a year since I haven't got one. This is because I'm on the national health system and things there don't work as the private sector. He thinks I should be working and am able, I think. The therapist says a bunch of stuff so I can get on with my life, but it's a waste of my time. I have an appointment once a month more less. I'm not convinced with her talk. It's blah blah blah that is not going to take my problems away. Nor do I feel at peace talking about it nor do my worries disappear or get better. It's sh*t. Thanks for the inte
  5. I wrote several people emails telling them hash things because I was hurt with things they said in the past. Because I was in a manic or psychotic crisis (never know which is which) I interpreted a text that I read, "to put my house in order", and decided to put my emotions in order, and then I went and said what hurt me and proceeded to point flaws in their lives in a hard way and being rather offensive. Now I don't have no one, not that there were many, but at least I got invited to birthdays and occasional mingling in a coffee shop, walks in the park. People don't care if I have a ment
  6. It's tough. I understand. Then I question if anybody is anybody's friend really, or they are only friends when they take pleasure out of the relationship. But of course this doesn't take away the loneliness.
  7. Hi. I lost the remaining contact with the persons I knew some years ago because in a crisis I wrote them some stuff that was bottled inside. Does anyone else lost all their friends because of your illness or since your illness, with a reason or without reason? And what do you do now?
  8. I don't see where that is important. The question isn't what means would someone use to save the world.
  9. I know I posted the little globe, but when I mean the globe I mean the people. Save the people from emotional suffering.
  10. Where I live, my doctor is from the national health system and it's free, but it's awful. I only have an appointment for January, and it will have passed 1 year and half since my last appointment. My doctor is very condescending. I dislike him. And because private doctors are expensive and it's my parents who pay, and they don't want to pay a private doctor, I'm stuck with this one. Loving relationships; I've tried online dating, but when I have to disclose why I'm not working and do not work for 11 years (if I say that), and if I'm honest and say I have an illness, then they stop chattin
  11. I imagine myself all alone, poor, and old without anyone to talk to. It's hard as hell. I don't know hell, but my life is pretty tormenting. I know many people with this illness commit suicide, and I don't want to. I just want peace, love and relationship. Leaving the medication was pretty much my fault, except this last time, which my previous doctor took me off the antipsychotic. Now I'm taking double the dose. I lost interest in what I used to do. Programming and computer arts. It's been downhill side my relapses. There is close to no support for people with severe ment
  12. I'm isolated as well. I live with my parents, I don't work for the past 11 years and I'm almost 40 even though I don't seem to. It's very hard to live the everyday life. I spend almost my entire time at home, because I have fear of going out. Fear of people and that something bad can happen to me. Probably this is paranoia. I didn't have paranoia, but since my three relapses I began having it. I so much regret stopping my medication in the past. The relationship with my parents is saturated. It's not healthy being around them all day. I can't entertain myself with nothing. Some
  13. I believe in God and believe I believe in Jesus and the Gospel, though I'm not sure. I'm holding on to belief and prayer (specially the rosary) to help me through the hard times I'm going through. I don't work going on 10 years now and am scared of people and interaction with strangers. That's why I don't work. I'm very anxious and can't seem to have peace of mind (maybe because I lost mine 16 years ago). I try to hold on to religion, though I'm not a church goer (because of having to go out), but whatever I do I have no peace. My schizoaffective disorder never gave me hallucination
  14. Because the world moves at an astonishing speed and people are always on the edge and some are often provocative in the way they carry themselves even, and also because of past traumas, I am frightened of the world. I don't work for the past 10 years. Am always at home. Probably soon I'll be in a group where they do activities for people with mental illnesses as mine - schizoaffective bipolar type - but I am afraid of doing a normal life. I fear people and I fear my reaction to people. I'm not stable although I do take my medications properly. I don't know what else to do to overcome these irr
  15. I'm not questioning my diagnosis. I don't like this paranoia. It's debilitating.
  16. I'm on meds. Xeplion 100mg, zyprexa 10mg, depakine 500 x 3 a day and an antidepressive. somehow I feel like a scapegoat or something
  17. I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type but don't have hallucinations and never had. What I have are thoughts like: a family member is answering to another and they answer with a displeasing (I think) voice, for example, say "No" in that tone, and I think it is because of me that they are angry when they answer. Or when my mother sighs or something, I think in a weird way that she's sighing because I am a failure. I think when I am with my family members or when I hear them talk, I tend to feel like I am the cause of all the problems in their lives. What do you make of it?
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