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auburngirl

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About auburngirl

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    One day at a time

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    mypoorbrain86@ymail.com

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Woman
  • Location
    College Town, USA
  • Interests
    I love learning how things work. What people find mundane and boring I find fascinating. What make people the way they are? Who is God? I am absolutely amazed and fascinated by how complex the body is. Right now I am reading Genome by Matt Ridley.Took a genetic class last semester and now I am hooked line and sinker.Big medical show freak, the stranger the better.

    I really dislike anything to do with the uselessness of today lifestyle of teenagers and young adults. Don't drink, no drugs, no one night stands, no spending outrageous amounts on designers clothes, sunglasses and shoes.

    I'm all for God.
  1. Still no ac..trying not to whine

  2. wow this reminds me of my bf's mother..too bad I can't show him without hurting his feelings. Good find!
  3. Good Lord almighty its hot in bama with no A/C...

  4. Hi all, Been a while since I've been on. Don't know if anyone even remembers me. Still struggling with depression but I am really trying to take steps to get better. I dropped out of college and I have been taking a few weeks off from work to try to get my head on straight on. I realized I really got to get this straight now or the rest of my life could be messed up. I finally found the love of my life. Before I thought once I found him everything would be okay and I wouldn't have to deal with the crippling waves of depression. Wrong. I am the happiest I ever been but depression will sneak up and rear its ugly head. I have literally been alone for 3 years and now I have someone by my side. It so hard for me to lean on him and let him help me. I go through those crazy crying spells when nothing makes sense and I feel like I am dying. I can tell how much it hurts him and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. I want kids and I don't want them to see this. I grew up in a household where everything depended on how my father was feeling. I won't go into that because I am tired of bringing up the past . I just want to move forward, be happy and have my own family. I'm just really confused on how to handle..well having someone loving me so much no matter what my flaws. He looks at me like I'm the most precious thing to him and I'm so scared I am going to let him down. I love him so much. We had a rocky relationship in the beginning. I might go into that later but not now but we have known each other for a year and a half and been formally dating for 5 months. It's amazing 2 years ago I thought I was going to die alone and now I can actually imagine a future with someone. I dropped out of school cause I have no idea what I am doing. My grades are crap and I just don't care anymore. Burnt out. It feels so good not to worry about grades. My parents won't be happy but what can they do? I am 24 years old, living on my own, paying my own bills. Frankly I think if they would have actually tried to help support me I would have probably succeeded. But I sat in tiny apartment for 2 years with literally no friends and no outside contact. All I did was work and go to school. I'm sure some off you know how easy it is to cut yourself off from people when you are in a deep depression. I saw my family maybe every 3 months. I think I am lucky I didn't kill myself looking back on it. It was surely by the grace of God that i didn't do anything stupid. So now I am going to start talking on here cause I know you all know how depression everything seem so black and gray.
  5. Number one..you're not a failure. I've been through( still going through) the same thing and I'm trying figure out how to handle it all. I'm 24 years old and I have been struggling since I graduate from high school in 2005. Just get help. You are not weak for asking for help. You are actually being strong. I always had stuck in my head that I'm a weak person for asking for help but I finally called and made an appointment for help. School doesn't matter but staying alive and keeping your sanity is. You'll regret if you keep on forcing to drag your feet through to the mud until you either reach your breaking point or you just break your own spirit. Take a breather. School is tough and requires you to have a clear mind. If you have severe or chronic depression it's almost impossible. So I cannot stress enough GET HELP!
  6. Let me start by saying happy holidays...honestly, I hope everyone on here has a wonderful holidays and are blessed beyond their imagination. I know I am an absolute scrooge during the holidays but that doesn't mean I don't want other to be happy. On a darker note...... I absolutely hate the holiday season for several reasons: 1. Semster ends (so I find out how bad i did this semster) 2. Money seems to be even tighter & more bills appear from no where & I don't have the money to buy anyone presents 3. christmas music, nuff said 4. my parents (mainly my dad) arguing over money- hey don't buy me anything if its going to cause problems, I rather have the peace and quiet. The good and bad thing at least I won't get to go home for the holidays (I missed Thanksgiving day & it was okay) cause I have to work (won't come right out and say where but that big blue store that you can buy anything, in the the toy department no less) So I'll have to deal with the crazy shoppers looking for damn Zhu-zhu pets (seriously I am going to start a bonfire with these stupid toys when I get my hands on them) while forcing that fake smile on my face. There that feels slightly better :-)
  7. Thanks ladies, My mom keep on telling me I need to go on some type of birth control to help with pmdd but I am worry it won't help because I already have imbalance hormones (dysthymia) and its will make me even crazier I'm going to go to the doctor and ask about it and sees what she says but I am doubtful it would help. If I just can lie low, not talk to anyone and eat lots of dark chocolate I think I can handle it. Thank you for your input, its nice to know I am not the only the goes through this every month on top of my other problems. Auburn
  8. also wanted to add...the week I've posted a few post thats when I was near suicidal (week before I started) . Now I am fine (as fine as I can be) and I'm sleeping more normal, going to school, and working normal.
  9. Hi wondering if any of you ladies have pmdd along with chronic depression? I have noticed that I get near suicidal the week before I start. I sleep, stay angry & cry constantly. When I was younger it wasn't so bad but now I pretty much stop functioning for a few days. I was just wondering if you have been diagnosed with pmdd what medicine did the doctor put you on? Thanks! Auburn
  10. how about calling the local pharmacy? They may know the upper limit for taking the meds. I know how it is to take meds so you can go to sleep so you can get up the next day for class. And the next days you can barely walk straight. Its seems to bite you on the ass doesn't? I doubt I could go to my teacher and explain that lol. So good luck and be careful with what u are taking! Also don't worry yourself over your grades...I can't say anything but I know if I sit and obsess over something the problem with be bigger than it actually seems. By the way physics is just a pain in the butt anyway.
  11. oh yeah I am back again. Who needs peace when you can have stress, fear and anger? Not I for one. Apparently I thrive on it. Who needs money? not me...just let those bills pay themselves. Who needs good grades? Again not me. Who needs someone to talk to? Not me I am a robot and have no emotions what so ever. This is ridiculous. I am so sick of my life and feeling like I am trapped. But whats a girl to do? I'll never rebel and simply do what I am told to do and who to be Because I am nothing but a puppet and let people tell me "what I should do" So here I'll stay and rot away.
  12. fricking retarded curriculmn! Physics and organic chemistry phhhtttt.......

  13. Its hard to start... I really don't feel nothing like I did last year...... crazy depressed...now I am "calm" depressed and I thinks it worse because my family doesn't realize I am still depressed. I am tired of typing depressed so I am going to call it d-word :-) Anywho.... I will graduate in the spring (whoohoo!) finally. I will finally get my undergraduate degree in animal science. I will applying to nursing school sometime soon. (yeah I know) Right now I am just....tired of living. I don't want to kill myself or get killed but a nice long nap sounds really good. That sounds morbid when I write it though. Not suppose to be. I'm just spiritually oh so very tired. I feel nothing except for negative emotions. I thought when I move here to go to school I thought I would be starting over. I didn't. I still carry all my past baggage around me. I have lived here for almost 3 years and still yet to have someone to talk to here. I have literally no friends. I am alone almost all the time (except for when I go to work and school), I eat out alone, go to movies alone, shop alone...you name it I do it alone. You know that phrase "All work and no play makes Jack a boring boy?" well thats me. I have a full time job, a full time course load. I just tired of this grind. I am 23 years old and never had a boyfriend....hell I haven't even been kissed. how pathetic am I? Very. I guess that's what really bothering me. I try to ignore the feeling but it seems to build and build. What am I suppose to do with it? I am so socially awkward. I am hearing impaired and have a speech impediment. Who wants to talk to the shy girl who can barely speak coherently? I honestly don't know what to do. I am just so tired of being alone. A cat is not a substitute for human company. Well I dump some of my feelings out maybe I can go back to studying. Ciao~Auburngirl
  14. Thank you guys...advice was very helpful!
  15. For the past 3 years or so I have to had to take benadryl every night to go to sleep. The benadryl however leaves me in an stupor the next day and I can barely function. Not good because I am a full time student with two jobs. I have to be able to focus at all times. I am tired (literally) of not being able to fall asleep naturally. I did all the little tricks to help me relax but nothing seems to shut me down except if I drink a wine cooler a couple of hours before I go to bed and being on antidepressants, I really don't need to do that too often. If I don't take anything I will just literally lie in bed all night. I get up watch tv for a while, read a book, drink milk... you name it I've tried. I am trying my best to stay away from any prescription sleeping meds bc I am tired of relying on medication to function. My family thinks I am lazy (and maybe I am) because I can eaisly sleep until noon if I am not bothered. I am trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps so to speak but I feel like I am just trying to climb out of quick sand. Please someone tell me I am not losing my mind and control of my body. What can I do?
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