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Sephiroth999

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About Sephiroth999

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  1. I am wondering, is there anything morally wrong with this? My uninhibited self is sort of a sexy Geisha Girl [see "Yoko Litter" for a very extreme of this]. Yes, I do dress 'that way' if the situation calls for it. I asked my friend with ASD about it and in his opinion is really is in actuality not feminine at all [miniskirts, heels, makeup etc.]. My caring, empathic. helpful and emotional behavior makes this pattern of behavior my natural state. It's instinctual for me to be caring and serving of others. My girlfriends usually call me a "lesbian". My mother encourages it, but my father gets beyond uptight, nervous, jittery, angry and abusive when I behave that way around him, or even speak of it. It makes me not want to have anything to do with him whatsoever. Is that perhaps an insecurity with his own sexuality? Can any of you relate to this problem?
  2. Every time I bring up bipolar to my doctors they usually avoid the subject indicating no to me.
  3. PS: Does "insane" mean "impossible"?
  4. I hope the "Eddie Morra" feeling doesn't go away. It REALLY DOES work that way for me.
  5. It's beautiful. ❤️ I need to see that episode.
  6. Vote. … I voted "sane". Reply with opinions if needed. Thank you for listening. ❤️
  7. [Moderators: if this is the wrong place to post this topic please do move it to the correct one] Back when I used Facebook heavily I found myself extending my ability to helping those "friends" which much more than half seemed to suffer from severe mental illness. I can't pinpoint if they first were unhappy and isolated or whether the site was making them unhappy. My guess would be perhaps both. I love this board. I love the great minds, the interaction, fun/helpful topics and very ironically the sanity compared to those people. I simply became overextended and exhausted accommodating their delusional situation which the platform I feel just amplified their problems. I was the monkey in the middle. Some of them, more so the women then the men I was persuasive enough to get them on the phone. I would often bring up how I thought the site served no purpose for me at this stage of development in my life and that I wanted these friends on my phone and/or IRL rather than a less private place such as Facebook. ...I can't get out of my head the sad and downtrodden "but we will miss you!" conversations on the phone. One very younger girl even had a breakdown when during a video chat I told her "I am probably not always going to have a Facebook". She started weeping, the conversation faded. Then the next day all of a sudden she said "I am no longer attracted to you." to my indifference and very slight confusion. ...She would keep pictures of me on her computer background and even to an extent actually revolve her "wall" or "profile" or whatever to revolve around me. Others with severe social anxiety would just feel afraid and agitated when I mentioned my detached feeling about using the site so much and my growing dislike for it. If they would truly miss me would they not make an effort to put at least 50% of the relationship into the real world??? If not in real life, then perhaps at the very least calling and/or texting? They simply wanted very uncomfortable and impossible relationships (of course revolving around Facebook). I am sensing there was also a lot of gossip about me as some were even admitting to it. When the rug got ripped out from under them they would lose it and proclaim to all of the women on my "friends list" that I was "cheating on all of them". How can you cheat on somebody that you are only communicating by text? I never did "sexting" or anything similar. I remember getting very agitated when a younger girl said "are you sure these women are just not some troll messing with you?" and I had to explain to her that we video chatted enough and talked enough to confirm indeed that they were who they said they were during text. A frequent knee jerk reaction from the males was "it's probably a bot"... zero of them were bots. This is actually very sad, especially in retrospect but several of them would (for I have no freeking clue why they would resort to this) would overdose on pills often during a text and it even happened during a phone conversation. I have even less of a clue of why they would blame me from the hospital for them overdosing on pills. I built up a sense of responsibility for these peoples sanity which seemed to get increasingly worse. I feel a combination of guilt, agitation and anxiety about leaving the site. I never was one of those people that would use it all day (perhaps 1-2 hours a day maximum) but many of them literally would stare at the screen all day or have their phone be basically an extension of their own bodies (like an extra limb). I'll stop there. I would love any kind of opinion about this situation especially if you can draw a parallel similar to my experience (social media felt plastic and toxic so you left). Thanks for listening.
  8. I agree with this summation. I feel posters should be able to be "abstract" as long as they are not trying to steer people the wrong way or trying to get people off of their Dr. prescribed meds etc.
  9. My pdoc says "even 45 is too much" of Remeron. From personal experience his assumption was correct for me as going from 30-45 was no benefit + more side effects. The best relief from Remeron was going from 15 to 30. 7.5 just makes me feel like shit and eat everything in the house. I'm ALL for starting at the lowest dose but you probably want to skip 7.5 and try 15 for a week or two then up to 30. 7.5 just makes the depression worse for me.
  10. [Lamictal] PERFECT for a combination of sad and mad, even if no bipolar.
  11. The video is a metaphor. I suppose I could be both of these characters (more likely the younger Caucasian one lol). Kenpo Karate is very close to my heart. This movie was cool too. I wish to shift gears to Dragon [see video]. Does that come internally (self-reliance), or externally from others (external help and affection/love)? How does one blend in to society but not lose ones individuality? All I know if I will never "conform" to anything. What I "need/want" is vitality.
  12. My "lows". (usually in bed) My "normal~mildly ecstatic" (Usually practicing Kenpo during listening to this kind of music)
  13. For me I find that it "prevents" depression rather than "relieves" depression. It works quickly for me, anywhere between a few hours after the first pill to a week. This is one I go on and off. It never looses it's effectiveness either.
  14. If I am indeed a bipolar (not saying it's impossible, just IDK right now) my lows would have to be somewhere between "stay in bed and watch Star Trek for two weeks" and "feeling normal~mildly ecstatic".
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