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Complicated toad

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About Complicated toad

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    a cold, sad place

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  1. I completely relate. I've felt that way all day, the last few days really. I was sitting here feeling kind of hopeless and alone so it's good to know I'm not the only one.
  2. Feel crappy today. Anxiety got me up at 4 am and i havent felt comfortable in my own skin since.
  3. Thats a good one. Cant answer that without thinking myself into circles.
  4. Wait, i think it might have been Dead and not I Bleed. Something off Doolittle for sure. Doesn't really matter, it was a very long time ago. But both still great songs...
  5. People hold up phones instead of lighters now? That's just plain weird. I love the Pixies, i still listen to them. They are part of my growing up soundtrack. I remember using "I Bleed" as the basis for a college project on the effect of musical dissonance. I am 45, should i feel old? Im not sure. I will admit i dont listen to much that was made after the late 90's and early 00's. It seems like music became less interesting after those decades.
  6. I spent a lot of years severely alchohol-dependent, then became a crack and meth addict. I know how awful a relapse feels, and how hard it is to get back up afterwards. But it can be done. There isn't a magic answer, but you keep trying and you will get there. I wish I could do something to help you with your cravings, it's getting past them that is going to be hardest. But if you've been sober before you know they get better with time, so I'll spare you from advice you probably already know. And I understand about not wanting to tell a doctor about being an addict, I've been there. But maybe there is something medical that can help? I see you took naltrexone, that didn't help with the craving? It helped me with alcohol cravings. I wish I knew of something else to recommend. I guess I can just offer my support, I know how awful relapse can feel, but I know it can get better too. I spent a lot of time hating myself....But I don't hate myself anymore, it got better. I hope it gets better for you soon.
  7. I don't know for sure, the package says it can cause "loose stools" only if too high of a dosage is taken. Taking a normal dose has been regulating for me. It's not like a laxative where it makes you go urgently, I just find the day after I take it, my system works like it should. Apologies if this is TMI 😁
  8. I love the Natures Calm magnesium powder. Tried it for anxiety, but also found it improved my headaches, constipation, muscle pain. It's good stuff
  9. Heck yeah, I was a kid in the late 70's and 80's, it was a big thing. We did roller skate shows in the driveway for the neighborhood parents, and going to roller rinks was a big deal. Very cool. My daughter had a field trip to a roller rink a couple years ago so I got excited and went with. She hated it and spent the afternoon in the arcade and I had to skate by myself haha. I What's your favorite summertime activity?
  10. Thanks, might chalk that one up as a bad idea, glad i read the link you attached
  11. Bouncy....need to get off message boards because I can't shut the F up.
  12. I've been diagnosed with MDD, BP1, BP2. Personally think I'm BP2 but that's a different conversation. Been mostly depressed last few years with two mixed episodes in between. Loads of anxiety problems too. Manic symptoms seem to have been unique to early adulthood. Anyhoo, SSRI's have not been good. They make me high followed by worse crash than before, had no effect, or made me just plain yukky. Only Wellbutrin has helped, but only with a mood stabilizer.
  13. I started taking DHEA this week because I'm in my mid-to-late 40's and thought it might help with declining hormone levels that are causing other problems. Does anyone have thoughts anyhow it could impact bipolar? I'm suddenly having trouble staying still and I'm feeling a bit high. There are a couple of other possibly destabilizing things going on.....but I've gotten weirder since starting the supplement.
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