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Complicated toad

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Everything posted by Complicated toad

  1. My bad, I am on 1.5 not 2.5, and going up to 3 not 5. Duh. But my experience comparing to Abilify is that Vraylar is not as activating. I didn't get overwhelming restlessness like I experienced on Abilify. I feel for the most part, pretty normal, except I'm not as depressed.
  2. I started it a while back, and thought it was very helpful at pulling me out of a funk, plus not many side effects. Now I'm kind of going back down to where I started, however - I'm only taking 2.5 mg right now, so it's possible I've just adjusted to the dose and need to go up to 5 to get a full effect. But I'm not giving up on it, it did seem to start making a difference and usually nothing touches my depression - so even if it works a little that's a raging success next to most meds.
  3. Hold onto the things that make sense. He has good points about holding off on anxiety triggers until you feel more comfortable. I think you're doing the right things by talking it out with the one doc and checking in on it here.
  4. I'll preface by saying I don't have all the answers, but I know my psych and primary providers have collaborated and sometimes that is good - it is to make sure they don't prescribe things that have bad interactions or could affect the condition the other is treating (example - gp asked pdoc about a med and pdoc said no way could cause mania so gp had to go a different route - or pdoc is concerned about meds that could interfere with blood pressure treatment from the gp). It could also be coincidence that they asked the same question, if they are all concerned for your health they may have similar concerns. And there are facets of their job that require them telling you what to do, as they want to use their knowledge to guide you towards good health. I don't want to discount what you're feeling either, I've experienced feeling like the doctors might be tracking me, but overall, I think it might be a good idea not to make too many changes right now since you recognize that what you're feeling is similar to feelings that turned out misguided and caused problems in the past. Maybe it is time for a med tweak? It might be better to take change slowly so you have time to weigh out whether it's your symptoms causing the problems. It seems like you have an inkling it could be, so I'd listen to your inner voice of experience.
  5. This is an older post, but I wanted to put a vote in for Vraylar since there aren't a lot of posts about it, as you said. The last few years have brought a series of long depressions, complete ahedonia. I get brief reprieves but my energetic periods tend to disintegrate into mixed episodes. Been on Vryalar a few weeks and something amazing happened - I started to enjoy things! It's been so long since I WANTED to do anything. I like this med so far. Abilify helped too but the side effects were too much. With Vryalar all i had were nausea and headaches and they've gotten better. A little insomnia but not horrible still a few hours a night. So for bipolars stuck on the depressive side, I think it's a good med.
  6. I see the original post is a little old, but I'll throw in an anecdote, I started Vryalar a couple weeks ago and I've been on Wellbutrin for years. So far, it's going well, in fact I'm feeling better than I've felt in many months.
  7. This is very hopeful! My OCD makes it extremely hard to leave the house also, your news is encouraging.
  8. Bears gotta eat too. I assume they're losing habitat with all this. Plus they were already wandering into metro areas pre-fires. My daughter was sitting in my room while the news was on last night, so I'm explaining the wildfires and Afghanistan and hurricanes and pandemic variants and halfway through my debrief of world events I listened to myself and decided it must be the apocalypse. Except I thought it was the apocalypse a year ago and the stuff keeps coming so it has to make you wonder where we're going next. I ate bear once. My cousin was living way up in the middle of nowhere doing taxidermy and he apparently sent us some bear meat. My mom was nice enough to not disclose this until after we'd tasted our "burger." I don't recall being very amused about the whole thing (although I also don't remember it tasting all that different from a regular burger).
  9. Llamas are funny too. My child and I were at the local zoo where there was a free-roaming llama exhibit and there was a sudden downpour. We ran under a bridge to stay dry and all the llamas came piling in after us so we were completely surrounded. Thank goodness no one sneezed. Below is a photo of one of our rain-shelter friends. And even if they are a nuisance, the turkeys still crack me up. I enjoy watching a baffled driver trying to get around them when they walk halfway across the street and then stop. People honk and get out and wave their arms and holler and the turkeys could care less. My dad met me at work one day to pick up my daughter and as he drove in, he rolled down the window and said "hey how you doing" to the big male and the turkey actually turned around and gobbled back at him. The only thing that would dampen my opinion is if they all piled in my yard, I drove past a yard that had 20-30 of the things in it, they were sitting on railings and steps and the whole yard was covered in turkeys. I can't imagine the mess they must have left behind.
  10. Agree @jarn I also figure the coyote is used to hunting and taking down animals as part of its regular lifestyle. Bella, on the other hand, prefers that we cut larger pieces of meat into bite-sized pieces for her. She's gotten into a scuffle or two in the dog park but overall, who's going to have the better instincts in a fight? Probably not the one that spends a good part of her day lounging on the couch. She chased off a fox once, but they are much smaller. And we encountered it late in the evening in the dog park so I think she was just hoping it would play with her.
  11. I encountered a coyote while walking my dog at night and I am in a completely urban area, largest city in the state, I can see the downtown skyline from my house. It wasn't the least bit scared of me nor my german shepherd and even turned and stepped towards us. I was petrified - I have a big dog but I'm thinking "wild animal vs pampered house pet." It didn't follow us, but after that I started carrying my mace when I walked the dog. I've seen plenty of reports of coyotes in the area since then, they are definitely around. There were actually black bears spotted in some suburbs around here not long ago, that would be scarier than the coyote. But things are different, growing up the only wildlife I saw were squirrels and bunnies. We'll have to figure out how to coexist (the cat only goes into my fully fenced yard). At least I've learned to coexist with the wild turkeys that roam the neighborhood. The females will fly away (so funny to see a turkey fly) when I walk by with the shepherds, but the big males just puff up and give us a challenging stare. At my workplace there was a big male turkey that guards the parking lot, you had to pass him to get in and if he didn't like the looks of you, he'd peck your tires.
  12. I listened to the original link and they have some good riffs, and I don't mind the growly death metal voice (although as I age I like it better if I can understand the lyrics), but this one sounded maybe a bit too much like belching? Nonetheless I did enjoy the guitar riffs as mentioned. I'm going to have to look up newer death metal and see if there are other good new ones. I am having fun thinking about that music genre again.
  13. Add to the list Death, Pestilence. I also enjoyed the more mainstream ones, Sepultura, Testament, Death Angel (not really death metal but I love them so they get a spot anyways). There is a well-known nightclub in my city that used to have "Metal Mondays" in the early 90's with all the Cannibal Corpse, Napalm Death sort of bands, I was there as often as I could make it. I'd be the only girl in the moshpit so guys would kind of step aside to not hurt me and I'd slam into them and it was the best stress relief ever. Ah, the good old days......
  14. Last week I took my kid to a record store and snuck a Slayer CD in with our purchases, so I wondered a similar thing about myself when I was blasting it in the car (by myself at this point) and bellowing along to Reign in Blood. But truth was it did give me a burst of happy energy and I felt better than I'd felt in a while. Besides, I'd never make it as a serial killer, I can't even squish a bug, so I decided it was ok and screw the guy at the stoplight giving me weird looks. I'm going to grab some headphones and listen to the link in the original post
  15. I think that's good progress. To expect to have 100% success out of the gate doesn't seem reasonable, and I'm going to guess that talking about the panic attack and what might have led to it will be part of your discussion, and you will likely learn something from it. Would you have stood outside by yourself without checking even one day in the past? So three days is a victory compared with where you started. As dances said, hang in there!
  16. That's exactly it. They feed off of each other. But at times when I truly had the MI symptoms under control, the need for alcohol and drugs vanished. I could put them down and walk away. Not even hard to stop. Didn't need it. Conversely, when I'm not able to manage MI symptoms, I can't piece together hardly any sober time no matter how many rehabs or meetings or anything else I do. Seeing a new pdoc soon and hoping they can help me pull out of the spiral.
  17. Thanks for the update @CrazyRedhead I already like the idea of the safe place, even if I'm not in therapy I'm going to think about one for myself. I'm supposed to go back to the office in a month. It used to take me an hour or more of checking to get out the door, and even then I'd end up sneaking out during the day to drive home and check again because I was so panicked I couldn't function. To add to it, I'm going to have to take public transport which means no way to sneak home and back in 45 minutes (a fake lunch break). I'm dreading going through all of it again, since working from home I've gone from over an hour or more a day of rituals to maybe 20-30 minutes tops. I am going to need that safe space! Wishing you the best in your upcoming sessions, thanks for sharing the experience with us!
  18. I'm not an expert or anything but I kind of wonder if your self-awareness is skewed towards the negative. Is it really self-awareness or is it a brain ruminating on the things it dislikes about itself? The zen mindful sort of people might note that the self is neither good nor bad it is simply the self so if it hurts you are experiencing an emotional reaction not awareness.
  19. This is why I'm afraid to try therapy again. They need to come with a return policy so if I go in and they tell me to do deep breathing and exercise I don't have to pay hundreds of dollars for something I could have gotten by asking for advice from a guy sitting next to me on the bus.
  20. I've heard it is very effective but I never tried for the same reason - it terrifies me. We've spent so long relying on our rituals to keep us safe it's like taking away our armor in battle....except I suppose the battle only exists in our heads. I hope it goes well, I'd be interested in updates if you're willing to share them. I think if you have a therapist who is compassionate and knows how to guide you through it, its probably not as scary as it sounds.
  21. Last weekend I took mine to a walking path and then realized how bad the asphalt could be on their paws and left. My furriest one has become obsessed with the sprinkler because playing in it is about all she could do. I don't remember a summer with this many hot days this early in the season, at least in this neck of the woods.
  22. FYI from my experience. Alcoholism is really really good at convincing you it's not there. It's the superpower that's key to the addiction's survival. You keep thinking your behavior is normal so you keep doing it and don't notice when you've slipped over the ledge. A little over 20 years ago, I had been having a lot of problems at work, my friends had all vanished, and my sibling insisted I should "talk to someone." So I went to a therapist. She listened to me for about 2 minutes and ran out of the room and came back with an addiction counselor. He said "go to the nearest hospital, tell them you're an alcoholic and need to be admitted for detox." I laughed, thought that was the silliest thing. I explained that I was not an alcoholic, I was just going through a hard time and couldn't figure out why. I was also visibly shaking because I hadn't had my first drink of the day yet. But somehow my brain did not compute "lose control of drinking every night and in the morning, shake and dry-heave until I have alcohol in my system" with being an alcoholic. I was honestly shocked when he said it. I'd been functioning with the abnormal drinking behavior for so long it felt normal and not like a problem. It was just what I did with my free time. I am an idiot very much like you describe. Sometimes us idiots should listen to people like Cerberus. I drink for the exact same reason - to feel comfortable in my skin. The problem is that it quit working 20-some years ago and hasn't worked since. If you think you're uncomfortable in your skin now, it's 100 times worse if you keep drinking. Being away from the drink causes ugly anxiety and discomfort at first. It keeps getting worse until you start having daily withdrawal symptoms, and then it feels like your skin is literally crawling. And it seems like once you get to that point, you can't go back to when it was "not really a problem." Apologies if this sounds like annoying lecturing. I annoyed myself a few times while writing it. But it seems like I've written annoying replies to similar posts before, so maybe your brain is trying to send you a subtle message by bringing the topic into your thoughts so much. Me too. Happens to me all the time.
  23. When I re-started it this time, it gave me really bad nausea and headaches too. So I dropped the dose waaaay down, from 50 mg down to 11.5 (I cut each pill into quarters). I did that for a few weeks, then went to half a pill for a few weeks. Now I'm back to the regular dose and it does help - when I don't take it I go off the rails on a binge each time. However, even when taking it I'm still having trouble...it's not the craving so much as the wanting to get out of my own head. Mood and anxiety are bouncing around like a pinball machine, I need to get those under control but it's such a moving target it is hard. Spaz out today, panic attack tomorrow, hate myself and can barely get up the next day. I can't figure out what my problem is for long enough to tell the doc about it. I'm sure the alcohol is making it all worse, the two things feed off of each other.
  24. I restarted naltrexone recently too and I am really hoping it makes a difference, I am in a rut that I can't seem to climb out of. Crossing fingers for both of us!
  25. I don't know whether these are places people look for vets but for house things I consult Consumers Checkbook and BBB. Also a lot of people look for vet recommendations on neighborhood apps like Nextdoor
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