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de414

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About de414

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  1. Okay thanks for the warning...but I don’t drink enough for any of those things to happen. Lol.
  2. I’m currently 27 16-yesterday : Alcohol. I’ve been a heavy drinker to varying degrees. Once I turned 21 I would pretty much drink on a daily basis. I’ve just now gone on hiatus to reassess where this addiction is in my life. 18-23: Weed. From college to my drug dealing boyfriend I would smoke all day everyday. Then it got too much for me and I would become paranoid. 22-27: Cocaine. I started up socially and it grew into an all day everyday habit. I’m currently almost a month into sobriety/recovery. Never went to rehab. 15-19; 24-Present: cigarettes, I quit for a brief stint because my boyfriend at the time didn’t like it. I picked it back up when I found out he was cheating on me 😂
  3. So in one of my Twitter tangents I came across the author of the book the alcohol experiment. I was curious. Needless to say I’m already in recovery from another addictive behavior and kind of have always been using alcohol as a way to try to “take the edge off” of life. After a night out on the town of relatively slow drinking compared to those around me I left feeling horrible. Not because I myself drank myself into oblivion. I was just shocked at how many people were stumbling over themselves or vomiting or just acting out of character compared to what their sober selves would have done. It really made me question my relationship with alcohol and it’s potential to end my recovery process as well as examine my relationship with alcohol since my teens. That night also made me think about the effects of alcohol on my mood but anyway long story short I decided I’m going to try the alcohol experiment. 30 days dry. Stone cold sober from my second to last crutch. (My last being cigarettes). the first few days might be rough but I’m excited to continuing listening to the book and examining old subconscious ideas about alcohol and building healthier coping mechanisms when either stressed or irritable. good luck to me!
  4. Too keep this brief I wanted to provide some short context. I am five days into restarting my medication after being pretty non-compliant and haphazard for the past 3-4 months. Though this may be true I feel this happens regardless whether I’m on my medication or not and really don’t know what to do and just want to see if anyone deals with the same issue and/or has advice. It seems at night I slowly slide into despair. No matter what has happened during the day good or bad it seems like when it gets close to “bedtime”/ the evening I get depressed, tearful, and start experiencing feelings of hopelessness and anxiety. I almost feel like a kindergartner trying to avoid nap time. It usually helps if I have a friend to talk too until I drift off but 9/10 that’s not the case. I know today in particular I’m stressed out about a lot of things which is leading to the depression and tearfulness to be unbearable tonight, but this is pretty much an every day thing for me. It doesn’t make much sense because as soon as I wake in the morning it’s like I’m good as new (most times). right now I’m taking 450mg ER Lithium twice a day once in the morning and at dinner. 60mg of Latuda at dinner. And .5mg of clonazepam , 3 times throughout the day. any thoughts, tips, or advice welcome
  5. @saintalto according to the dsm 5, the diagnostic criteria for schizoaffective disorder a)is an uninterrupted period of illness during which there is a major mood episode concurrent with criterion a or schizophrenia. B) delusions or hallucinations for two or more weeks in the absence of major mood episode c) symptoms that meet criteria for a major mood episodes are present for the majority of the total duration of the active and residual portions of the illness d) the disturbance is not attributable to the effects of a substance so in conclusion that could be accurate
  6. I can believe you may have switched to bipolar I but I also feel like it could just be a manic period of bipolar II. I’m what you would call an ultradian cycling bipolar II and I am literally all over the place. Im sorry your pdoc isn’t giving you the attention you feel you need but as others stated they aren’t quick to hurry up and diagnose anything. If anything there are apps out there where you can track your mood. At least you can use that as evidence of what you’re going through beyond word of mouth. Some mood trackers also are able to keep track of the medications you’re taking. I know it’s probably beating a dead horse and I barely listen to this advice but try to lay off the alcohol. It REALLY affects your mood especially when it wears off. I’m surprised you haven’t plummeted into a crippling depression from the alcohol usage. But again im not here to judge, try the mood tracker and keep going.
  7. @Gearhead @echolocation Thanks for your opinions. I’m thinking of leaving them be. Why waste 200+ dollars trying to hide something that someone who knows what to look for can blatantly see. Also I don’t want to hide that part of my journey. I hope it gives hope to others that though that was a time in my life, I did I fact make it through. At that time I will be taking clients the scars will will 7 months old. They are pretty well healed now but still noticeable. I think the core of this issue is shame based. Shame that I resorted to that to relieve the suffering that I was going through. But I believe if it turns one client towards hope, it will be worth it. Thank you for weighing in on this. I really appreciate it
  8. One thing that is helped me, is instead of trying to fight the thoughts, let them happen and let them pass. This was initiated by my psychologist. Ive noticed now two years later I barely have intrusive thoughts at all. Its very hard at first because our natural reflex is to push the intrusive thoughts away. Over time though it becomes easier.
  9. I have some very visible scars on my left arm from self harm. Normally they don't really bother me, because I accept things as they are and that was a stage in my life. My only hold up with this is that in about 3 months I will be taking clients in a mental health counseling setting as in intern. I am slightly concerned for my clients to see that. I have heard many opinions on this. I was considering getting a tattoo to cover the scars but I have heard from others that the scars could make me more "relatable" especially with someone who is participating in self harm. I would just like to hear some opinions about the matter.
  10. I agree with a lot of the responses here. Some people wear mask to trudge on through their jobs despite the fact their mental illness is eating away at them. I can personally attest this. Maybe I could qualify for SSI but I want to have a normal life so bad I don't want to give up. Despite my mental illness I still have dreams and aspirations. I will choose to fight my battle the way I want to, not compare myself to some imaginary threshold of sick.
  11. @Blahblah I’m pretty much fine at the moment. The lithium and latuda seem to be doing the job. I’m just over analyzing and trying to get information on “ultradians” so I won’t feel so alone
  12. @Blahblah I can’t say I have a specific pattern but based on Argh’s definition of rapid cycling I’m definitely in that category. I feel like one day I could be depressed and the next I could be on top of the world in mania. There’s no real rhyme or reason. Sometimes it can only be a few hours. I’ve heard some people say that’s not a “true” bipolar, but mood stabilizers make me feel better. (When I take them and as directed). I kind of feel insulted when I hear that. I feel like bipolar has a huge spectrum. I just happen to be on the rare end.
  13. Does anyone know much about rapid cycling. I was inpatient for 6 days and asked my doctors about it but really didn’t give much information. They chose to stabilize me on 450mg of Lithium 2x per day and Latuda 60mg once per day. Its been almost a week since discharge and I feel “ok” but it’s quite possible that everything hasn’t quite taken full effect. Im not exactly distraught but I feel like im at last call as far as medication goes. If this doesn’t work I don’t know where we can go from here. i know medication alone won’t fix the issue, diet and exercise should also be integral to my care. I guess I just want to know /hear from other rapid cyclers or “ultradians” and see what the word is.
  14. Fresh out the psychiatric hospital! my cocktail has changed Lithium 450mg ER twice per day Latuda 60mg once per day Clonazepam 1mg twice per day
  15. Does anyone have any suggestions as far as what helps them deal with stress? I feel like stress amplifies my disorder. It could be that my plate is just full. I am a full time student in a graduate program for clinical mental health counseling. I also work full time (40hrs a week) and also have recently begun counseling. It just seems like lately, I am lashing out at everyone and everything. And I know it’s stress Comorbid with my disorder. I went up on my latuda at the beginning of December kind of in preparation for this, and it helps but I feel like it’s barely keeping the Breakdown box closed at this point. Any suggestions and/or tips would be greatly appreciated!
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