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Everything posted by de414

  1. @saintalto according to the dsm 5, the diagnostic criteria for schizoaffective disorder a)is an uninterrupted period of illness during which there is a major mood episode concurrent with criterion a or schizophrenia. B) delusions or hallucinations for two or more weeks in the absence of major mood episode c) symptoms that meet criteria for a major mood episodes are present for the majority of the total duration of the active and residual portions of the illness d) the disturbance is not attributable to the effects of a substance so in conclusion that could be accurate
  2. I can believe you may have switched to bipolar I but I also feel like it could just be a manic period of bipolar II. I’m what you would call an ultradian cycling bipolar II and I am literally all over the place. Im sorry your pdoc isn’t giving you the attention you feel you need but as others stated they aren’t quick to hurry up and diagnose anything. If anything there are apps out there where you can track your mood. At least you can use that as evidence of what you’re going through beyond word of mouth. Some mood trackers also are able to keep track of the medications you’re taking. I know it’s probably beating a dead horse and I barely listen to this advice but try to lay off the alcohol. It REALLY affects your mood especially when it wears off. I’m surprised you haven’t plummeted into a crippling depression from the alcohol usage. But again im not here to judge, try the mood tracker and keep going.
  3. @Gearhead @echolocation Thanks for your opinions. I’m thinking of leaving them be. Why waste 200+ dollars trying to hide something that someone who knows what to look for can blatantly see. Also I don’t want to hide that part of my journey. I hope it gives hope to others that though that was a time in my life, I did I fact make it through. At that time I will be taking clients the scars will will 7 months old. They are pretty well healed now but still noticeable. I think the core of this issue is shame based. Shame that I resorted to that to relieve the suffering that I was going through. But I believe if it turns one client towards hope, it will be worth it. Thank you for weighing in on this. I really appreciate it
  4. One thing that is helped me, is instead of trying to fight the thoughts, let them happen and let them pass. This was initiated by my psychologist. Ive noticed now two years later I barely have intrusive thoughts at all. Its very hard at first because our natural reflex is to push the intrusive thoughts away. Over time though it becomes easier.
  5. I have some very visible scars on my left arm from self harm. Normally they don't really bother me, because I accept things as they are and that was a stage in my life. My only hold up with this is that in about 3 months I will be taking clients in a mental health counseling setting as in intern. I am slightly concerned for my clients to see that. I have heard many opinions on this. I was considering getting a tattoo to cover the scars but I have heard from others that the scars could make me more "relatable" especially with someone who is participating in self harm. I would just like to hear some opinions about the matter.
  6. I agree with a lot of the responses here. Some people wear mask to trudge on through their jobs despite the fact their mental illness is eating away at them. I can personally attest this. Maybe I could qualify for SSI but I want to have a normal life so bad I don't want to give up. Despite my mental illness I still have dreams and aspirations. I will choose to fight my battle the way I want to, not compare myself to some imaginary threshold of sick.
  7. @Blahblah I’m pretty much fine at the moment. The lithium and latuda seem to be doing the job. I’m just over analyzing and trying to get information on “ultradians” so I won’t feel so alone
  8. @Blahblah I can’t say I have a specific pattern but based on Argh’s definition of rapid cycling I’m definitely in that category. I feel like one day I could be depressed and the next I could be on top of the world in mania. There’s no real rhyme or reason. Sometimes it can only be a few hours. I’ve heard some people say that’s not a “true” bipolar, but mood stabilizers make me feel better. (When I take them and as directed). I kind of feel insulted when I hear that. I feel like bipolar has a huge spectrum. I just happen to be on the rare end.
  9. Does anyone know much about rapid cycling. I was inpatient for 6 days and asked my doctors about it but really didn’t give much information. They chose to stabilize me on 450mg of Lithium 2x per day and Latuda 60mg once per day. Its been almost a week since discharge and I feel “ok” but it’s quite possible that everything hasn’t quite taken full effect. Im not exactly distraught but I feel like im at last call as far as medication goes. If this doesn’t work I don’t know where we can go from here. i know medication alone won’t fix the issue, diet and exercise should also be integral to my care. I guess I just want to know /hear from other rapid cyclers or “ultradians” and see what the word is.
  10. Fresh out the psychiatric hospital! my cocktail has changed Lithium 450mg ER twice per day Latuda 60mg once per day Clonazepam 1mg twice per day
  11. Does anyone have any suggestions as far as what helps them deal with stress? I feel like stress amplifies my disorder. It could be that my plate is just full. I am a full time student in a graduate program for clinical mental health counseling. I also work full time (40hrs a week) and also have recently begun counseling. It just seems like lately, I am lashing out at everyone and everything. And I know it’s stress Comorbid with my disorder. I went up on my latuda at the beginning of December kind of in preparation for this, and it helps but I feel like it’s barely keeping the Breakdown box closed at this point. Any suggestions and/or tips would be greatly appreciated!
  12. Hm, I am new to the "general mood disorder" terminology. But again I am not a doctor so I can't say that he is incorrect much less from the little info I've received from this page. Sorry for the disappearance, Lots of lovely -sarcasm- things going on in the life of de414. I hope your spaced out-ness goes away soon. That sounds no fun!
  13. Wow! That is definitely a lot to go through all at once. I am sorry you have been suffering, I have definitely been there. I myself almost 4 years ago went through a forced move , lost everything, my car, my job, and had to essentially rebuild my life from ground zero. On top of that, I had to wait several months for real psychiatric care. Then* I went through it AGAIN THIS YEAR. Talk about a trauma drama for the ages. It is great that you pointed out that your psych thought you may have been referring to Bipolar I when you brought it up. I think that's what most people think when we talk about Bipolar disorder period (especially now we have those wonderful commercials advertising Vraylar, showing people at the height of their mania building bird houses and doing yard work in the dead of night). I am glad at least someone is noticing that you are exhibiting Bipolar II tendencies. The depression is debilitating at best*. I also did the crazy spending and still do. I like yourself have little control and have racked up at least 7,000$ worth of credit card debt on stuff I really didn't even need. I would say maybe 5% of that 7 grand was actual necessities. The rest, not so much. I'm not really familiar with Zyprexa myself however I did google and discover it is an atypical antipsychotic that has been FDA approved for treatment of acute manic or mixed episodes of Bipolar disorder. Latuda is also an atypical antipsychotic which has been also proven effective in the treatment of Bipolar depression. Like you had suggested, it may be at the point of increasing the dosage of the Zyprexa but I question the efficacy of this considering the fact your exhibiting more Bipolar II symptoms than Bipolar I sans the excessive spending. This could be a very good spring board for conversation between you and your psych about next steps. As far as me and the Latuda; it has changed my life for the better. I was planning on committing suicide this past summer. I was (as I glossed over in the beginning) in the middle of rebuilding my life again. I had also ran out of medication so I was three weeks going into withdrawal from 150mg lamictal, 25mg abilify, and .5mg of klonopin. I was in a desperate way. I had no insurance either so I went to a clinic for the un-insured and under insured and came out of the appointment feeling worse than I arrived. The PA essentially refused to prescribe me anything that I was on before because "you said yourself that you felt like it wasn't working". Why she listened to what my crazy ass had to say about medication efficacy when I hadn't taken any meds in three weeks and CLEARLY my judgment was clouded I can't tell you. So she ended up giving me the number to the suicide hotline, said she would talk to the psych-NP on staff and get back with me the next day. I left in tears. Fast forward twenty four hours and I was given a 30-day sample supply of Vraylar and told not to come back. I will give Vraylar some credit. It kept me from pulling the plug on my life. Did nothing for my depression, but the suicidal ideation was kept at bay until I could see a proper psychiatrist mid-august. He gave me several options. Try Depakote, Get back on the Lamictal at a higher dosage, or try Latuda. I was scared at first because you know how things go with meds. You never know what you are going to get. But I tried it, and within like the first 2-3 days I started to feel a difference. At first I thought it was placebo effect but my stagnant depressive state slowly started to lift. I also began to get a handle on my other extreme emotional outburst/breakdowns that I tended to have. I honestly wish I would have done this sooner. I finally feel like I am living a true life. It's almost like a one-stop shop for me. I used to be on a cocktail of medications and I pretty much take one pill a day to keep things under control. The klonopin is prescribed to me to take twice per day but really I take it PRN. So as far as the Latuda goes, I am thankful that my new psychiatrist put me on this medication. I definitely understand your concern with keeping doctors onboard to treat you. I straight up had one psychiatrist reject me from his clinic on the basis that "we would not be a good fit". It is a mine field on determining what can be said to your doctor and what to keep to yourself. One word of advice I have for you is wait until you are leveled out on the Zyprexa (if you increase dosage or change to a entirely different medication based on your future convo with your psych) before involving your headache specialist. I say this because there is the possibility you may go on the medication merry-go-round once your psych doc determines if you are indeed Bipolar II. The headache specialist doing anything during that point might become counter productive for your health and them as a professional prob should see that. But again, this is just my advice. I am no doctor, I can only speak from what I have experienced in my own life. That being said, I am so glad that my little paragraph provided a hair of clarity for you, for what has been going on in your life. It is HARD being in the dark on why you are having the mood swings, irritability, spending sprees, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia, and attentional issues. I hope I didn't ramble on too much and you actually got something of value out of my long winded self. Please keep me updated on how things go, I am VERY interested to see your progress forward as someone who has been there.
  14. To be honest with you, I believe*, now I have no science backing this up. But I think that when I began treatment for my Bipolar disorder that helped. I just recently in the past two years had come to the realization that my migraines started around the time my bipolar disorder really decided to show itself. But I did read somewhere here on these forums within a blurb someone had posted that the occurrence of migraines are most strongly associated with those that suffer from Bipolar II (which I am). Again, I have no science to back this up, just a correlation I saw in my life.
  15. I started having migraines back in the summer of 2010. I don't know why they started up so regularly since I could count on one hand how many I had in my 18 years of life to that point. I suffered for a few years with them coming and going on a weekly basis until I finally wound up driving myself in an 8am traffic jam mid-migraine to an internist' office at a hospital. He prescribed me three medications. A low-dose of the tricyclic anti-depressant amitriptyline, the abortive medicine sumatriptan, and promethazine for the ensuing nausea. He told me his wife suffered from migraines as well and he had been trying the amitriptyline with her and it seemed to help. I was also a success with it, to the point I don't even take the medication anymore. I also haven't needed sumatriptan in probably almost 3 years.
  16. That is always a hard one. I have been fired before (for bad behavior/rudeness to coworkers). The best way to smooth that over with future employers is to say something along the lines of "the job no longer was a fit for me and my current career goals". It may be BS compared to the real reason why you left, however it beats saying I was fired because I was negligent/tardy/irresponsible/etc etc. Now this works up to a certain point, it may be a different story if they call your previous employer for a reference check/ask questions. Its hard to determine if you will get unemployment since you didn't share the exact cause of your termination. I wasn't able to do that since it was technically a behavioral issue on my part that caused the termination. I hope this was helpful, this will be over soon I promise. I've been there, you are in a hole but there is always a shovel to dig your way out.
  17. Usually when I feel my paranoia gaining traction I try to begin by de-rationalizing my thoughts. I tend to become catastrophic if my paranoia is left unchecked so that is where I begin. Me: Someone is going to break into my house any moment ; My de-rationalization: Why would someone pass 30 other apartments, to come to this door, on this particular day, to break in, while I'm sitting inside? It's pretty hard to explain but it helps me calm down a lot when things are getting out of hand.
  18. @saoirse Also, if you want to experiment beforehand to see if the akathisia is truly what is causing your anxiety, try a couple doses of benadryl. My OLD psych told me to use that if I couldn't get my hands immediately on the trihexyphenidyl she also prescribed when I first started taking abilify.
  19. I did not have any issues with sleep that I remember. I take neither a mood stabilizer or antidepressant, I just take Latuda and the occasional Klonopin.
  20. I suffer from OCD and took lamictal but I don't believe it made it worse...However I was on a cocktail of other medications at the same time that could have masked that. I would suggest you talk to your doctor about it. The experience you are having sounds like what happened with me and Buspirone. It was supposed to help with my anxiety but left me crying in the fetal position from prolonged panic episodes. Long story short: Talk to your doctor and see if there is something else out there for you.
  21. I had my interview for graduate school last week. The program is an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and I discussed my bipolar disorder in said interview. Yikes! I don't know if that helped me or hurt me. We shall see in November.
  22. I feel as if it is both. Each just waxes and wanes. My mental illness was already out of control and my lack of self awareness of what self medicating is helped it along. I started recreational drug use back in 2010 and feel like along with my mental illness have been a constant. Hopefully these past 8 years do not reflect the next.
  23. My old psych-NP gave me seroquel for sleep around the end of December last year. I haven't taken it every night as she wanted or else I wouldn't be still sitting here almost 11 months later with around 50 or 60 25mg pills left. I have used it randomly for particularly tough nights where I know I can't sleep or I just feel really amped up/anxious and don't want to take more than 1mg of Klonopin. Is this ok to do? When I do use it, it ranges from 25-75mg and I sleep like a baby.
  24. I think you could probably go higher on the dosage of abilify. I didn't really feel like it was effective for me until I got up to about 20mg and I have had issues with intrusive thoughts, repetitive thinking, etc etc.
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