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About Kevin367

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  1. That was very rude of him to say. But I actually do do that, I hallucinate people to talk to, it doesn't work all the time, but sometimes it makes me happy/not lonely. I am actually getting skillful at it and our conversations are becoming more complex, yet more visualizations and memories than anything. It is something I practice doing! Of course, I know I am just having fun.
  2. Yes it is bad, and it used to bother me, but then I realized that normal people hallucinated like this too. It's just that someone like me who has schizoprenia would totally blow it out of proportion, I can't think of a better way to describe it. But according to buddhism, everybody's full of delusions because they think that things inherently exist. This is what leads to alot of confusion. All phenomena are empty of inherent existance.
  3. Hell no!!! Take some ritalin! But be careful... Watch your mind. Ritalin actually helps with my positive symptoms be cause I actually do things when I am on it. The crazies come into my mind when there is emptyness in my head that needs to be filled, a poverty of thought. I am so outgoing and have turned myself into an outgoing person. We schizophrenics think we are useless, cause we don't have friends and just have time to suffer, but there is a fine line between schizo and genuis! If you can get rid of your negative symptoms all that free time on your hands turns into an enourmous treasure. And I am glad my schizophrenia prevented me from getting involved in all kinds of stupid drama, now that I realize how stupid it is. And I get crazy every once in a while, but I don't let it fool me, and poof it goes away, I won't let the delusions trick me into a mental hospital anymore. Fight your ego, that is always what the delusions go after, the delusions know ego is our weakness. By now I see normal people as kind of delusional, thinking money will cure their problems and stuff, reading gossip magazines and projecting their flaws on others.
  4. I don't know! It is hopeful that something will help. The hallucinations would probably be tormenting. But I have met people online who have had succesful lives with voices in their head. I personally think everbody has these voices in their heads but they are in their subconscious. Everybody has that negativity... and sometimes positivity! Of course, it would start freaking you out if you heard them!
  5. Risperidal... As little as possible. And ritalin or else those negative symptoms would overpower me!
  6. Yes, I still see it that way, it went away when the doctors doped me up on a bunch of downers but it is back now that they've eased up! You just have to believe in your positive attitude, everybody else is dreaming and chasing their tails, you're not missing much! Just use your imagination you don't have to be crazy. : ) Actually, I can't tell you what to do because I have no idea what you are going through, but I still see vivid colors.
  7. Hi, ben. I hope you have a really cool doctor, because you need to convince him to give you concerta or something like it. Or atleast provigil. I have the same problem you have and taking ritalin has helped me much and made me much more outgoing!! Otherwise you could drink coffee and maybe that will help. I hope this helps and you have a cool doctor! If you want to talk email me!
  8. When I went off of my depakote, what I noticed was that I felt more intellegent. Maybe a little less tired, but the main thing was I didn't feel so dull. Plus I think I grew some hair back because I think depakote was causing my hair to thin. But I am losing it anyway I realize that my antipsychotic (risperdal) makes me more tired than the mood stabilizers.
  9. Yeah, come to think, of it you should definately talk to a professional about these things. I make it sound like it's easy to quit being paranoid, but I remember back when I was really sick and, well, it took a little more than logic to bring me out of that. But if you continue seeking help your bad days will have to do with other things than paranoia, such as people just being assholes... hehe...
  10. Well, the best thing I do is try and socialize and go out and do something. If I don't have a reality to compare the thoughts in my mind to I'd go crazy. If I start coming up with some idea about how someone is out to get me, then I go and see that they really could care less about me. My first doctor said I have to take it slow when I recovered from my episode, but that is not the truth, the more I am involved in reality the more I have a handle on it. That is how I look at it at least, the idle mind is the devils playground.
  11. I think that sometimes I do have bizarre thoughts... I do a good job of just identifying them as irrational and just disgarding them. I don't take them seriously like I used to. But now, I feel more delusional if I skip my ritalin. I'm probably addicted to it!
  12. Thanks, I am very tired in the mornings though, risperdal wipes me out even if I am only taking about 1.5 mgs a day! But yeah, I really am getting sick of my job. I work as a cashier now but I am training to be a CNA right now.
  13. I am a schizophrenic, since being treated with a stimulant, ritalin, I have been able to quit smoking, work and go to school full time (Which is too much for me, I am going to quit working so much) and get good grades, and I read and excercise and cook, ritalin has turned me into an outgoing person. I also take risperdal consta 35mg and neurontin 300 4x a day. I take concerta 56mg and ritalin 10mg prn. I have been taking this since june and it has not triggered any kind of psychotic thoughts. Without ritalin negative symptoms own me.
  14. Yeah, me too. I've kinda gotten over them but then worry I've got a whole new group of people I could become obsessed with in that way if I ever go crazy again at my work. I totally know what you mean.
  15. Sorry if this is weird but I'm on ambien and felt like posting. My parents have helped me so much with my illness, they were always there for my and as long as I have them there to talk to I will never get too lonely I hope they live a long time. I feel like I have gone through a bunch of positive changes this past year. My selfesteem is finally growing it used to be nil. Things are turning out right. I can feel emotions not anger or worry, but the emotion you get on a beautiful morning or by looking out to the stars. I haven't felt those emotions since I was a little kid. I feel empowered like I can acomplish things normal kids can. If Ben schizophrenic can graduate from college so can I. I cant wait to see how I'll be in a year. Maybe have a girlfriend or something. Some friends TO !!! God I love my parents!!!!
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