I have been self harming since I was 11. I'm 21 with a job in healthcare and I still can't stop myself from cutting. Its become a custome. That's my go to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely, sometimes even if I'm bored. I just like to have cuts or burns or scratches on me at all times. Its like a secret that I don't have to share its amusing to me in a way. I feel almost naked if I don't have at least a few cuts on me at any given time. I've tried to stop and for a while I did, but I just keep turning back. I want to move forward with my life but its like I'm stuck In a hole that I can't climb out of. I see everyone around me moving on with their lives and I'm stuck here hurting myself with no control over anything. My anxiety is to bad to seek help. I just feel like I would be better off dead because dying just seems so easier, more realistic and more inviting than trying to live a normal life.