I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm considering telling him I'm pretty sure I have bipolar 2 disorder. I'm feeling a little resistant to that for some reason - well, probably for a few reasons. First is just denial/not really wanting the diagnosis. I'm also hesitant to have the documentation in my medical record, which probably doesn't make sense but I wonder about consequences down the road in terms of discrimination.
First, is there anybody here who has been negatively affected specifically by having bipolar disorder documented in their medical record?
I'm not sure if I have bipolar disorder (I mean, I'm pretty sure I do, but I keep having doubts). My first diagnosis was bipolar disorder when I was 16, but they diagnosed me with about 8 different things and they all felt like a shot in the dark. My diagnoses kind of ended up settling on major depression, ADD, and sometimes anxiety and have been there for 20 years.
If anyone has time to look at this and give your reaction, it would be helpful to me. I think I know the answer, I just overthink forever and since I'm a little resistant to the idea I go back and forth. I don't really want to talk to my psych about it unless I feel more confident in what is going on.
Things that make me think I have bipolar disorder
- previous diagnosis after ssri's made me hyper and/or agitated and possible psychosis
- have periods of being really productive, enthusiastic about new things, focused, just really high functioning. I feel better basically.
- my dad had bipolar 1 (probably the biggest reason I'm resistant to the diagnosis; his was severe and manias were extreme)
- I started a new job last year that threw me into a super anxious state where I didn't sleep more than 2 hours a night for about 5 weeks, worked 80+ hours/week, stopped eating for the most part. I interpreted this as just an extreme version of new job anxiety with some depression thrown in (super insecure, needing to prove myself, hating feeling like I didn't know what I was doing, etc.)
- I almost always crash after my high functioning times - bad depressive episodes. The only downside to my good times is anticipating the impending crash.
- I had a really good couple months earlier this year that was a bit 'more' than usual - super productive, actually confident, really happy, really energetic, motivated, etc. (I had *just* started adderall, which instantaneously brought me out of one of the worst depression episodes I have ever had)
- I've been on a million antidepressants; ssris/snirs are always agitating/awful, others (wellbutrin especially) will work for a short time and then stop working.
- I'm on lamictal and it seems like things are improving (depression episodes much shorter, generally functional. I'm missing my more productive times and I do seem to be moodier than usual within a day but nothing lasts long)
- I've been trying to trigger a more productive time by messing with my adderall dosing (I know this is a bad idea, I just
Things that make me think I don't have bipolar disorder
- my productive times are good and I usually think they must be like what people feel like who don't have depression. The only downsides are dreading the crash and I guess that I sometimes overcommit and it can be hard to follow through on everything once I'm not in that space anymore.
- I've seen two psychiatrists and regularly see a counselor during the past year; none of them think my productive times quite meet hypomania threshold (my chart constantly says to rule out bipolar, but as of yet nobody thinks I have it)
- My productive times are generally triggered by something (new job, new school, new relationship, etc.) and don't happen spontaneously
- I don't really have a "baseline" if my productive times are considered hypomania (ie: there's no "normal" that I go lower and higher than during episodes). I've always assume productive=normalish and lower=depression.
- oftentimes my symptoms seem more consistent with add "hyperfocus"; primarily obsession with one topic and I can focus on it to the exception of every other single thing in my life, lose sleep researching it, etc.