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About standingnsunshine

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  1. Thanks for your replies... I do see a therapist. I have tried to make weekly appointments since the suicide attempt but she only has so much availability. And the holidays have her especially busy. I see her this week but I feel like it's too long to wait. I guess I've just been lucky in the past that it hasn't taken much trial and error to find something that works. And before I was discharged from the hospital I really did feel much better. Then as soon as I got back into the real world, I felt a sickening feeling in my stomach like I hadn't made any progress. Oh well... One day at a time, I guess. Thank you. It has helped just to read that it might get better, even if it gets worse before it gets better. It helps to hear it from people who know... As apposed to my husband who is just saying something positive but really doesn't understand what this is like.
  2. I was diagnosed bipolar about 7 years ago around the same time as my first suicide attempt. Long story short - I rejected the diagnosis and eventually went off all meds because I thought my issues stemmed from the stress of nursing school. School over - no meds needed. About 3 years later, started seeing a new psychiatrist and taking antidepressants. I actually felt like I had my life back... Then, at some point recently, my son died. I had an affair. My husband and I had another child. And then affair was discovered by my husband. The intense guilt and depression led me to try to kill myself, and I recently endured my first psychiatric hospitalization. Wellbutrin and buspar were once my miracle cocktail. I'm still on those, plus lamictal, plus latuda. Latuda is not helping me. It may have cleared my suicidal thinking, but over all... I feel lost, stuck, hopeless, and let down. I've reached out to my psychiatrist for help so many times, and I'm screwed over by the incompetent office staff each time. Can someone just tell me it gets better? Do I even deserve better after what I've done? I'm paranoid and delusional. My intrusive thoughts seem worse each day. I want to believe it gets better. Ive dropped down to working part time and I'm seriously considering quitting. It used to be that I only felt competent at being a mother. But now I don't even feel I can do that right. I'm a mess. Is there any hope? If a med didn't work for you, did you find a med that did help? I want to feel like myself again... I feel so let down that latuda isn't helping me. Thanks for listening...
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