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About bluelikejazz

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  1. I don't have a clear answer for you, because I'm working through it myself. What happened to you was not your fault. His behaviour lies solely on him, and all of those reasons for not leaving are perfectly valid and shared by many women, as you know. Gaslighting is fucking awful. There is nothing in your personality, behaviour, thoughts or otherwise, that makes abusive behaviour okay. If you feel blamed then it will hugely impair the relationship with your therapist, so it's definitely something to discuss with them. For me, I wonder if childhood trauma made me less able to s
  2. Does anybody know if Australian super companies still pay out if the death is a suicide?
  3. My psychologist cancelled because she is sick. I’m not coping post Pap-smear despite all the skills I have. Everything sucks.
  4. Well, I got through it. I was very dissociated and I cried through it but the doctor was nice. The sensation of having something in me was horrible. I felt so ashamed and dirty and violated. I was in a busy area and I felt scared that any man nearby might hurt me. I paid extra to have the HPV test, so I don’t have to get another one for 5 years. ive taken a lot of benzo’s and that has helped. I feel like an adult again.
  5. Thanks. Well done for getting through it, I’m glad you had somebody supportive. My husband was very supportive for all my other medical procedures and that got me through them. Unfortunately he was abusive in other ways to the point I feared for my life 4 months ago and he assaulted police and the police approached me to apply for an AVO. That’s why it’s so shit, because there’s new trauma on top of the old.
  6. USA RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) also offering online hotline at https://www.rainn.org/ National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) also offering online hotline at http://www.thehotline.org/ Canada Australia 1800RESPECT (1800737732) National sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. Please note that the trauma specialist counselling is sadly no longer staffed by RDVSA. Your calls will be triaged and there have been some complaints since R&DVSA sadly withdrew. I
  7. It's me, the ghost moderator. I'm getting a pap smear tomorrow. I'm almost 30 and have never had one. I have a BRCA mutation of unknown significance and I skipped the HPV vaccine due to being an ignorant teenager. So I need to do it. The problem is that it's the perfect culmination of all my triggers, the sexual abuse, medical trauma AND the best place for me to go is the closest shopping centre to where my ex-partner (for whom I have an AVO protecting me from) lives. I visited the clinic and had the doctor talk me through the procedure. I've written a letter explaining my trauma h
  8. Why would that be a bad thing? It's unusual but I can't see how it would be harmful or looked down upon. I've had friends move churches but remain in a bible study connected to their old church. Is it important to you to be very involved in a church? If you were volunteering etc in two churches that would be pretty exhausting.
  9. Children are really vulnerable and you were faced with the potential death of your mother and felt responsible for preventing it. That sounds to me like emotional abuse and would be worth talking to your therapist about. Could you copy and paste this post and get them to read it?
  10. I just opened a word document, wrote each year of life on a new line and then went back to add what happened when. I didn't need any templates or anything. Later on I drew picture with crayons. It doesn't need to have a specific template. For me it was important for it to be linear but if somebody doesn't have any sense of when events happened (e.g were very young or dissociated) maybe a mind-map could work too.
  11. Yup, what I've left out here is that repeated trauma can even more complex and long-lasting effects on the brain. I'm glad it helped.
  12. Lithium drastically reduced my suicidal thoughts, enough that therapy like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy could work. I've never heard of it increase the risk of suicide.
  13. Could you ask what sort of things they do for other clients? I imagine that's the kind of role that could shift and change. For some people it might be organising emergency housing, or helping you sort out lost prescriptions, help getting to appointments or linking you to finacial or social resources.
  14. Australian lines are included in the list of crisis services but I thought it might help to talk more about which services are available and their strengths and weaknesses. These are the only ones I've had experience with so feel free to add your experiences. Crisis lines in Australia Lifeline 131114 24 hours Online Crisis support chat 7 pm to 4 am Sydney time (subject to change). Strengths: Anybody can call for any issue. Weaknesses: May not have as much training in traumatic stress and experiences will depend on who you get. · Process is to call
  15. My doctors have been willing to do that if it's a fudging of criteria, e.g script says BP when I clearly have MDD. The modafinil situation is different because it is only listed for narcolepsy and the criteria would require appropriate evidence from a sleep specialist. I did extensive research into buying it (legally) from India but the pharmaceutical companies involved had been in trouble for contamination etc so I decided not to risk it. I hadn't considered a canadian pharmacy - I'll check that out. edit - nope. It's schedule F in Canada and seized at the border. Only available f
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