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neptune93

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  1. I tapered of ativan because I felt like it was making me like the energizer bunny. I would start reading a book, 15 min later do dishes, 20 min later go on a run, 10 minutes into the run get tired of it, go inside watch a tv show for 10 min, then do something else. I couldn't focus on one damn thing at a time. Well I refilled the prescription and I felt great yesterday and the day before but now I actually feel more anxious. Not exactly anxiety per se, but almost like an agitation that makes me on edge, makes me worry more. I function better. Showering, cleaning, not daydreaming all day or dissociating. But I just hate the rotten feeling of agitation and not being able to relax. Would a longer acting benzo help? Such as klonipin. This was the same thing I experienced on xanax except no agitation but more energizer bunny and 15 incremental sessions all day. But this time I keep worrying, I can't be patient, little things annoy me. I'm getting frustrated even thinking about thinking about it.
  2. For too long, I was doing horribly. Multiple hospitalizations, mostly for PTSD and bipolar depression. Well a few weeks ago I started therapy with a great therapist that accepts medicaid. Her office has a giant window that looks over Lake Michigan and that almost makes me happier than the therapy itself. Well anyways, we've been doing standard talk therapy and CBT and the more I talk, the more my issues seem less important. The arguments with family, the anger at my landlord, etc. They just seem less important and don't bother me anymore.I haven't been to a therapist in a year and a half because I thought it was pointless and didn't help but I guess I never found the right therapist (with an awesome view while pouring my guts out.) I also switched from geodon to seroquel 150mg so that is helping too. I am able to drink coffee again without panic and anxiety. I am gaining more interest in things like video games, reaading, coloring. Whereas before I couldn't even shower or brush my teeth. I just stared into space for hours. I really hope this lasts. I've never felt so normal in awhile. I've stayed at depression centers for weeks and months, ptsd trauma center for over a month. Nothing did it. Maybe this is just a fluke and eventually it will peeter out, but I'm hoping for the best. Wish me luck!
  3. Three days ago I felt like there was mold growing in my brain and it was controlling my thoughts. I am now in a time of feeling a little less crazy, but I know in 30 minutes that might change again. Yesterday, I was waiting for someone to drive me home from church and I started believing the whole church was a cult and all religion is a mind control cult, which some people believe this but its not normal for me. I grew up in church. It made me feel very afraid. Then I started believing that demons were in my brain because of the mold in my brain. I tried to call my old pastor about this and he just reassured me that this is a mental health issue but I cant trust him. I cant trust anybody right now. The only person I trust is my therapist I am seeing tomorrow. I feel like something catachlysmic is coming. The last week every morning I check the news on my phone to see if a nuke hit. I feel like I'm one of the only people going to heaven and I am having a hard time trusting anyone else. I have also been having weird dreams, nightmares. I have lost touch with my normal self. I take geodon and feel less paranoid but that wears off after a few hours. Ativan helps too, but not that much.
  4. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  5. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  6. I have been taking my meds like I am supposed to and they do help. But for some reason, the only thing that really does the trick right now is coffee. It ups my mood, makes depression go away. It makes fatigue go away. I read a study that found that bipolar patients that drank coffee had a decreased chance of suicide compared to those that dont drink coffee. Why does coffee make me feel so good but other people it just gives them more energy? I'm ordering a mug off amazon that says "RX: Coffee." Thought it would be fitting,
  7. I was originally put on 40 mg of geodon at night with food. Then it would wear off by 10 am and make me think im going crazy with horrible anxiety and nausea. So it was switched to 20mg 2x day. But by early morning and early evening those doses would wear off, so now I take it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Feel good during the day, but early mornings still suck. I like this med because it gives me energy, but feel like it causes anxiety after it wears off. Anyone ever take this med? Any tips?
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