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About Byron-Black

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    New England, USA

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  1. Thanks. I think you are right. I need to trust myself to know what's right for me. I also make myself more anxious by feeling pressured to drive everyone around all of the time. I talked to the in-laws, and my father-in-law said that he doesn't mind driving us around. He said he actually likes that it gives him something to do because he has been bored and mildly depressed since he retired. Thanks for the advice. I have not done CBT, only DBT. DBT helped me deal with my anxiety about some things, but I haven't made a dent in the driving anxiety. I am about to do a DBT IOP, so maybe that will help. After the IOP, I will look into CBT. Finding any kind of group therapy that takes my insurance is next to impossible. (I am on Medicaid). Maybe I can just do a workbook with my current therapist.
  2. We don't have that, but that's a great idea. I will talk to her about doing something like that. She always tries to let me know when she's going to come back, but certain events, like her "ladies' night" with friend end at variable times, so she's not sure. Thanks.
  3. Second time. First time I got denied. I figured a lawyer would help this time around.
  4. Driving makes me so anxious I can't deal with it. I have panic attacks and some times I disassociate. I've decided that I can't do it anymore right now. My therapist says I shouldn't quit and I need to power through it or the anxiety will win, but it's just too much. Besides, I don't think it's safe to drive when I start disassociating or panicking and not paying attention to the road. There's not always a safe place to pull over if I start freaking out. Maybe I'm exaggerating the safety concerns because I don't want to do it though. I don't know. I know it will be a hardship for my family. My spouse and kids don't drive, so we will be reliant on the in-laws for rides, which makes me feel guilty, but I think it's for the best for me right now. Thoughts?
  5. I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds awful. This happened to me a few years ago. I was convinced that everyone in the company was talking about me and that they were going to fire me at an upcoming meeting. I don't know about you, but I usually only get paranoid when I am under a lot of stress. Have you been stressed lately? Maybe some relation could help.
  6. Thanks. My therapist has been pushing me to get out and meet people, and I know she's right, but socializing is really hard. Yeah. I have been feeling better on the Vitamin D. Less tired.
  7. I think you are right about getting to feel more familiar with those people. I think that a lot of this is social anxiety based, that and I never really learned how to socialize without drinking. For the first few years I was sober, I never went out or met new people. I didn't even spend much time with the friends I already had because they all drink. You are also right that I just need to make not drinking with them a habit, then hopefully it will become more comfortable. I will keep reminding myself why I don't drink too - because I was a mess and I made myself and other people unhappy and unsafe. Thanks!
  8. Thanks. This is a really good point. I forgot to even ask because I was so nervous when I called. I know the hospital takes my insurance, but I will double check on the program specifically.
  9. Thanks for the insight, everyone. It's been helpful. It sounds like it can be a real mixed bag, and depends on the program you get. Right now my big problems are severe depression and anxiety. I am not struggling with psychosis or mania (although I have in the past), but I can relate to concerns about what level the people the other people are at. I recently quit group therapy for anxiety because it seemed like everyone else's anxiety was much "less severe" than mine. I didn't want to share because I felt like a freak. On the other hand, my one inpatient experience (when I was a teenager) was the opposite. They put me in the adult ward for the night (no adolescent beds) and I felt like everyone around me was much more seriously mentally ill than I was. It's important to have a good fit. I guess I'll wait and see. My therapist put in the referral today. I hope I will get a lot of it of it to help me, but if I don't, I'll just keep reminding myself that it will help my disability case, and at least that's something.
  10. As is common in BPD, I have a major fear of abandonment. It used to be worse than it is. When I was left alone, I used to scream and cry and cut myself and generally be horrifically miserable. Now, I don't do any of that, but I'm still afraid she's just not going to come back. I want to text her, but I don't want to be so needy. How do you reassure yourself? I've been married for 18 years, I know my wife isn't leaving me, but I can't stop being afraid and wanting to be reassured.
  11. As a trans person, I strongly second this advice. If you are questioning your gender, try to find some support to help you sort things out. A gender support group or a gender therapist if you have access would be great. If you have no support in real life, there are groups online. If you are on Facebook, there are many FTM (female-to-male) transgender groups. If you are on reddit, check out /r/FTM. It is possible for a mental illness to make you feel trans, but this is less common than actually being trans. This is worth talking to your doctor about if you have one who is supportive and knowledgeable. You're not alone. Good luck.
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