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Fluent In Silence

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  1. Adele's best song. "When I place my legs in a cage of spandex I dance like hell to release the madness."🤣 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1c2KzJbcGA
  2. I think one and two are related. Everyone has different answers because nobody has the answers. If nobody knows shit then you should choose for yourself what's important to you, as long as it isn't chaining up hitchhikers in your basement or anything like that. But most people probably want the same things - love and a sense of belonging, meaning and purpose. I don't mean to sound like a hippy but money often seems like some fake proxy of these things. If I lived in a mansion and had a fleet of sports cars then I'd be a miserable person who lived in a mansion and had a fleet of sports cars. So smash the system or something. But my 10 Commandments - 1. Try not to be a dick. That'll do. The other 9 would just be various philisophical arguments based on the central tenet of not being a dick. But best to keep it simple coz I'm not Jesus or anything. Yet.
  3. Relapse? I've been doing OK, so predictably I'd end up thinking that it's all a fluke and a lie and I'm still doomed. Every silver lining has a cloud, and the cloud is bigger. Two steps forwards and two steps back. Sometimes one step forward and two steps back, and occasionally (Yay!) two steps forward and one step back. Hopefully I'll end up a step ahead eventually, after having done this stupid fucking dance for too damn long.
  4. A bit insensitive but I'm not sure what a sane person looks like and I don't think I've ever met one. Most people could probably be diagnosed with Normal Personality Disorder, which makes them have an irrational idea of reality. But since most people share the same disorder it's accepted as normal. But yeah, shit thing to say. That how old classic "It's all in your head" is also true in a way, but not in the way they mean it. It is of course in your head, rather than your knee. Where else would it be and how is saying that helpful?
  5. You don't sound dumb and you can express yourself well with the correct spelling. I don't mean that to sound patronising because of your age or anything, because people twice your age can be barely coherent on the old internets. You won the genetic lottery in some ways by being smarter than the dumb fucks who mock you. Being 16 and going to school can be awful, but many people grow up eventually and stop acting like such dicks. Not all of them unfortunately, but the dickheads are easier to ignore when you don't have to see them every day.
  6. Hello. Haven't heard the expression 'med-go-round' before but will now be looking for any opportunity to use it.
  7. I can't do groups either. Too easy to sit back and say nothing because everyone else probably has much more important and interesting things to say. They don't though. But it can be difficult to get a word in and I'll ponder whether what I have to say is really worth interjecting with, and by the time I've thought about it the conversation moved on through several different topics. Maybe 'anal halitosis' would've been a funny thing to say five minutes ago but now people are talking about something completely different, and you can't just blurt out 'anal halitosis' in any situation. Though personally I can't think of a situation where someone saying 'anal halitosis' wouldn't make me giggle. But 1 on 1 is better. And 1 on 1 with another introvert is even better. A good thing about talking to fellow introverts is that you get to finish a fucking sentence without them talking over you. I mean I don't say much so you'd think everyone could just shut the fuck up for a minute and listen. Another good thing about introverts - they don't just say whatever comes into their heads but take a second to consider if it's actually a worthwhile thing to say. Taking a second is fine, but taking five minutes is probably too much. And maybe some people won't appreciate 'anal halitosis' in any situation. I'm probably disproving my own argument by talking a load of shite. Potatoes with garlic butter.
  8. Oh I don't know. Trump's bullshit provides some comic relief and reminds me that things could be worse. Why can't we nuke hurricanes? What sort of mind can think of such a thing? I think if you opened up Trump's head you'd find that his brain was just some chicken nuggets which have been stappled together. I mean... nuke hurricanes? The fuck? But yeah, our leader may be better educated and more eloquent than Trump (as is my 4 year old niece), but we're still diving head first into that dumpster fire.
  9. I guess it's a necessary first step to get to know someone. Where are you from? What do you do? You can't just jump in with existential questions about the meaning of life. A lot of it seems pointless though. I don't know what to say when someone talks about the weather. Chilly today isn't it? Yes. It is. I'm standing right next to you so we're both experiencing the same temperature and I honestly don't know what you want from me. I guess finding common ground with someone is a good way to make friends, but I'm not sure that pointing out the fucking obvious really counts. Wet today isn't it? Why yes it is! We have so much in common! Let's move in together. There's also that mainstay of small talk - How are you today? Which many people with MI seem to hate because we can't answer honestly and just come out with the stock response of "I'm fine! How are you?" Although maybe like me you've sometimes thought of answering honestly, if just for a split second, before saying "I'm fine! How are you?" Small talk is the human equivalent of dogs sniffing each other's arses.
  10. Soooo then. Stuff happened. At this point explaining Brexit to anyone who knows nothing about it would be more difficult than explaining Game of Thrones to someone who's watching the last episode and asks "What's all this about then." Chapter 1. Once upon a time, about a hundred years ago (or so it seems), there was this smug posh twat with a shiny forehead called David Cameron. One day David (call me Dave) Cameron, in his infinite smugness, decided to call a referendum in order to solve an ongoing division in his own political party over Europe. Little Dave didn't realise what a fuckstorm he was unleashing because he was a smug twat with a shiny forehead, who believed he could win people over with his common touch (call me Dave) and his oh so shiny and glistening forehead. But alas little Dave was wrong, and trolls did arise from the ground with their idiotic and meaningless war cry of "Brexit means Brexit." Boris Johnston is looking inept and stupid. What the holy fucking fuck did people expect? The greatest political crisis in years and the Tories think that this incompetent fuckwit can sort things out because people like his floppy hair. As well as hating foreigners many Brexiteers cite taking back control of our democratic process as a reason for wanting to leave. Yeah let's give more power to these fucking morons. Is it just me or is Brexit starting to seem like a bad idea?
  11. I'm not actually sure if I have social anxiety, though I definitely have social problems and spend a hell of a lot of time alone. 'Social Problems' sounds a bit ominous though, like I'm going to get naked and attack people with a baguette or something. Social apathy has often been what I've experienced rather than anxiety, which is why I've often thought I might be a Schizoid. I don't really know anymore. Anxiety can lead to apathy because it's hard to get excited when all you expect is pain and rejection. So shields up! Play dead and hope nobody notices you. Say as little as possible because you'll probably say something stupid that you'll end up kicking the shit out of yourself over, and never ever let anyone get close to you. The old 'Why am I so alone?' and 'Why won't people leave me alone?' dilemma. I'm trying to change that though. Being isolated just makes my brain turn against itself - I'm a piece of shit and everyone hates me and so on. Surprisingly people don't actually seem to hate me. They might actually like mesometimes, the poor deluded idiots. If they knew the real me blah blah blah. I've been to a few meetups through meetup.com and that's been good. There's quite a few groups for people with social anxiety on there and it's a good way to meet people. Pretty fucking anxious when thinking about going to an event but it turned out fine. Progress I guess, though I think I'd still prefer to be locked in a cage with a bear rather than go on a date.
  12. It's normal anxious responses around people x 1000. I think that mental health problems generally are just something way up there on the scale and far away from whatever level is considered 'normal'. I've heard "You're just a bit shy" and "You'll come out of your shell eventually". It's like how depression isn't just 'normal sadness' I guess. Nothing wrong with being shy or anxious around people, or feeling sad, up to a point. It's that normal thing but much worse. I guess in my case it's not worrying about whether they'll like me or if I'll belong, since I've already convinced myself that nobody will like me and I don't belong anywhere. Not "I wonder if they like me" but "Everyone hates me!" But I'm actually not too bad around people. Better than I used to be, though I still have those crappy thoughts. I don't know if people feel more anxious when they're around people or whether it's the thought of being around people, and everything which can go wrong, which makes them anxious, as it does for me.
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