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Fluent In Silence

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  1. Downward would be out, unless the anus hole of depression was doing a handstand, and I wouldn't be surprised if it did that because it's an arsehole.
  2. 😂 The serious debate about whether a centaur has 2 hearts. Would centaurs have human rights? Or horse rights? Whatever they are. To the hospital! Neigh to the vets! I think you'd take the temperature the same way - one end or the other. Next of kin? Well either their mother fucked a horse or their father did. Because that's how genetics and that stuff works right? If I had sex with a Kangaroo it'd be a Mangaroo. Hopefully bottom half Kangaroo and top half man, which is already hideous enough, but imagine bottom half man and top half Kangaroo. Kill it with fire!
  3. Ennui might be a better word because it's French and makes me sound more intelligent than I am. But it does capture it better than mere boredom. It's not mere boredom though and it is an emptiness, pointlessness, uselessness. You can get so stuck in your own head that you don't see what's in front of you - "Oh is that volcano erupting? I was too busy thinking about the futility of life." It's difficult to break out of the desire to do nothing and avoid everyone, but that just leads you further up the anus hole of depression. Doing something new and challenging yourself is probably the best way. It might not be anything spectacular like doing a parachute jump or jumping a motorcycle through burning rings. Maybe the volcano was a bad example, we can shrink our world down to something we can manage, and that can cut out the good bits and make life boring. Or am I talking about two different things? Ah it's all fucking depression at the end of the day.
  4. I tried to resist but I'm going to be a proper arsehole. I haven't seen the show but it's You're the Worst. Grammar Nazi! Yes fuck me. I agree. I'm not proud of being such a pedantic prick. Fuck off you arrogant prick! I shall. Sorry.
  5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74UZNexK8a4
  6. Is it the Skol? Awful shit but I'm amazed you know about it in NYC. Haven't seen the stuff for about 10 years or more. But anyway, more pertinently, most people seem to suffer from depression more in the mornings while a few, like me, feel it more later in the day. Maybe talk to your doc and shift the timings of you taking your meds, because maybe you're set for getting over the early morning depression when you feel it worse in the evening. Just a thought. Might be completely useless but hope you feel better soon.
  7. Is it odd that I'm interested in periods? Fuck yeah. But a while back I thought how 50% of the population experience this and I know about fuck all about it. What most men think about it is "eurgh". Which isn't exactly enlightening. It's a whole thing which is important to women but which we'd rather ignore. But isn't it weird to say that I want to know about periods? Women are human beings too, apparently (sorry for the sexist joke. I'm an arsehole) and understanding other people should be something anyone with any intelligence should want to do. But most men would turn away at the first mention of 'flow'. I don't mean to sound weird though I realise that I'm probably sounding fucking weird, but half the population experiences this, and we know nothing about it, because nobody ever told us anything except the basics with some simple diagrams which represented a vagina. It is a great unmentionable. Women bleed out of their vaginas. I'm not trying to make a fetish out of it but women deal with this shit and it's somehow taboo and unmentionable. I woke up with a boner, and knocked things over with it on my way to take a shit. It took two flushes to down that shit because it was bigger than my forearm. Normal manly chit chat. Charming and civilised. Periods! Don't be disgusting! Yup, sarcasm. Men talk about their bodies all the time. Heavy flow? Eugh! Eugh! Periods are disgusting, let's talk about the shit I had this morning. It shouldn't be weird though I really feel like some sort of pervert for saying that we should acknowledge periods.
  8. Can't cope. Wish I was dead. Oh the drama! Need a drink. Had a drink. Had another drink, and another, and so on. Feeling better. It's shit to rely on alcohol to give myself any confidence and to add some colour to life. It's a downward spiral and it doesn't help. But before I went on my Christmas drinking binge, which hasn't quite stopped yet, I was feeling bored and empty. I don't know how other people experience depression. Some people talk about a constant feeling of sadness and being overwhelmed with emotions. For me it's just that emptiness. Nothing and nobody is worth anything, and that goes for me most of all. Everything is pointless and shit and I'm even more pointless and shit. On the plus side I guess self-loathing stops me from being an arrogant arsehole. If I just hated everyone and everything I could probably get a job as a judge on the X-Factor, and I think I'd rather die. God! I wish I was dead. Stop it! Same old shit. I'm not serious, I think. Everything is fucked and I'm kidding myself if I think I'll ever be happy. I'm doomed! Doomed I tell ye! Oh fucking behave yourself. I don't mean to sound like I'm about to jump in front of a train or anything, just ranting. I could be feeling better, and alcohol is a shit way to deal with things, but I'm OK really and I'm coping with this bullshit. I wish I didn't have to but hey-ho what can you do? I guess those 'normal' people you hear of don't wake up in the morning thinking of suicide. Another thing about depression which makes me hate myself is being such a grim and moody fucker. I'd like to be speaking joy and rainbows and fucking unicorns, but all I've got is death and shit and fucking misery. Oh hai there! Let's talk about the pointlessness of life over a muffin. I wouldn't want to know me either, even if it was a blueberry muffin. Sorry. Rambling on. Should've done a blog post but I didn't intend to write a fucking essay. I'll shut up now.
  9. For anyone confused about British politics I think this clip explains everything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oB-SQ8EaE8
  10. I get locked into myself sometimes and the outside world and other people barely exist. Must make me seem weird and unfriendly. And I know I do seem like that and the self-consciousness makes it worse. You're being weird and unfriendly! Stop it! How? It's not good to feel like this and I'd be a member of the human race if I knew how.
  11. Oh it's a common British phrase which was first encountered in Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. So it's poetic or something. Circular irony? - I know that I don't know. Then how do I know that I don't know if I don't know anything? I was probably just trying to encourage a healthy level of doubt and philosophical skepticism. I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition! But then nobody does.
  12. Can't drive the fucker out completely though can you? I'm doing OK but heyho! There you fucking are again. Take the smallest hole and make a gaping wound of it. I'm fine.
  13. Proudly following tradition in the nation which built the Titanic. Meeeeh! It's going to be fine. Where's the Dunkirk spirit? As far as I can make any sense of it the Dunkirk spirit means fucking things up and then hastily trying to unfuck things at the last minute. I haven't seen the Christopher Nolan film. I do think the guy is a pretentious twat who has been unjustly hailed as a genius. Inception and Interstellar were bollocks. Memento was good though.
  14. I'm fine. The constant voice telling me to kill myself is just larking. I don't know how real this is is sometimes. Just background noise until something goes wrong.
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