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Fluent In Silence

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Everything posted by Fluent In Silence

  1. I haven't cut myself for years. I do understand the urge, and it does come back sometimes. Pretty strongly on occasions. I want to make myself fucking hurt. But I haven't. Not a good way to cope with feelings, and I already have enough scars to be ashamed of. That wasn't useful. Sorry.
  2. And the award for the best title for a thread goes to (drum roll) wookie! Hi 🤣. You've won a lap dance from Doug Ford, who I know nothing about and have just googled but don't know if that's an inappropriate thing to say what with politicians being how they are. Sorry if it is. All I know about the guy, from a quick google images search, is that he has a fucking massive head.
  3. Gun control. It's weird to look at America and hear the bullshit arguments in favour of guns. I saw a clip today from someone's channel which has common sense in the title. From my experience when someone uses the phrase 'common sense' they tend to be talking shite. No need to rationalise that dumb opinion, it's common sense! Common sense has reached some pretty stupid conclusions in the past, and that's why we invented science. If she isn't a witch she'll drown, it's common sense. If we'd relied on common sense to create the iPhone it would just be a fucking potato with a smiley face drawn on
  4. I get that. I've slowly been proving myself wrong in my negative bullshit over the past few years, but it's always been a struggle. That was a load of rubbish that I wrote, but I do unfortunately still believe it a lot of the time. "Everyone hates me" like a parrot on my shoulder saying the same shit over and over again. No they don't, and I don't know how much evidence I need to disprove that. Who hates me? Well probably some of the people I've replied to on YouTube but I don't give a fuck about their opinions. It's stupid really, though I shouldn't use that word because just kicking myself a
  5. I'm doing OK I think. Mature student doing a degree in psychology and my grades are good, and my teachers and the students I work with seem to like me. And some people here seem to like me for some reason. That should make me feel better. It doesn't really because I still think so negatively about myself. We were looking at attachment theories a while back. Harlow's monkeys and that sort of thing. Without a loving upbringing the monkeys didn't know how to relate to their fellow monkeys and were just scared of them. I wonder if I'm too broken to have a relationship. I don't mean to over-dramati
  6. I hope you nephew is at least 16. Old enough to get away with a fake ID so old enough to make his own beer. That's cool, but I think you should wait until they turn 18 before giving them their first meth lab. They'll only mess it up and cause explosions. Are you a scouser then? Woolly here, and if you aren't a scouser that will make no sense to you.
  7. Ah what am I talking about? Absolutely no reason to mention the holocaust, and it's worrying because that's something which I've thought about too much in the past when I feel really low. I don't think I'm there but it's been difficult to make much sense of my mood recently. One of the difficulties of talking about mental health issues is that you have to make sense of it first. It doesn't always make sense. Explain something which seems ridiculous even to you. Could be worse, could be a scientologist. So there was this volcano, and Commander Xenu. Sounds great brah! Who do I sign the check ou
  8. Nah! Sit back and watch crap on TV sometimes. You don't have to spend every minute of every day productively. Though I know that restlessness which comes from feeling unfulfilled. Have to be busy but nothing seems to fill the hole. If I could talk to my younger self, and I also had depression from a young age, I'd say do it! Take the risk and know that you're going to fail at some of those things but that's OK. You probably won't be and expert programmer and gymnast, gardener, martial artist and writer, but at least one of those things might be something which fills that hole an
  9. I did get 97/100 on my bio exam. 93/100 in RMS. I should give myself some fucking credit. I'm like an intelligent guy, and my brain is awesome sauce and shit. Sounds boastful but I go so far in the other direction. I might not be a complete idiot is the best I can do. 97/100? Is I not genius? Fucking unlikely. Did Ok though, so maybe try to like yourself more.
  10. Oh God Cerberus, I wish they could be easily debunked. I'd be a much better person and a better friend. Skeptical about everything except my own bullshit. Where;s the evidence? Tribalism with those women. Women are equal which means they can be equally stupid as men. Right. OK. You're doing the same shit in an opposite direction. While some guys might need a taste of their own medicine I see you as an intelligent and impartial guy. While women have a lot to justifiably complain about the goal should be men and women and not men vs women. I was watching a clip on YouTube before. An olde
  11. Aww Blah! Tends to work the other way for me and it's nights where I feel like that. Mornings usually start OK and it goes downhill from there. It's still crap whichever way around it is. Have you tried looking on the bright side and realising that it's all in your head, and other fucking insultingly stupid advice? Cheer up! Fuck off! Sorry, not sure how I got on to talking about this but I definitely don't approve of saying such things. I've been struggling to feel stable recently. Stable isn't great anyway. Stable is the usual negative shit which keeps me safe and keeps me alone. Being
  12. OK, bit of a drunken rant there. But not quite as stupid and embarrassing as I thought I'd been, and for which I've been hating myself and beating myself up for because it's not a good time to talk about such things and you should probably wait until you're sober and so full of self-doubt that you can't say anything. I was more worried that I'd sounded misandronistic (Isn't that how you spell it? Spell check - "Did you mean misogynistic?" Oh, I wrote misondronistic. I'll correct that so people don't think I'm stupid. Thought I was making a point about discrimination but it was about spelling i
  13. All I can think of now is metaphorical depressing tits. Those are three words which have no business meeting in a sentence.
  14. Ha! You're a nice person too.
  15. I'm a mess really. Controlled demolition? It's spring break! Get my tits out for the boys! Been pushing it down. Keep looking ahead and ignore the weirdo telling you that your life is fucked and you should kill yourself. Nah nah nah! Can't hear you. I don't really mean it I think. Trying to swallow that shit gives you indigestion. Spring break! Get my metaphorical depressing tits out and scream. I hate myself, I hate myself, blah blah blah. It's OK to feel like this sometimes. Makes me edgy and interesting. It's not OK. I don't want to own this, hate this part of me, which isn't helpful. Life
  16. Well this might be chucking a hand grenade but it's something which has always interested me. The differences between men and women. I'm probably gender agnostic, but that sounds like a fucking cop out. The idea that women are equal to men isn't difficult. A lot of men are fucking idiots so it's not a high bar. I tend to get on better with women for some reason, which has done nothing to improve my sex life, it wasn't meant as a boast, but women tend to be nicer and more intelligent. Is it nature or nurture? A lot of the discussion about gender has started from the idea that women are differen
  17. Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell were cowards for killing themselves. Fucking pisses me off to hear that shit. They were both singers if you're wondering who I'm talking about. Black hole sun and crawling in my skin. The complete lack of understanding calling them cowards displays. Not that and not the opposite either. Not heroic or brave, just tragic. The easy way out. I've felt suicidal and there's nothing fucking easy about it. I have a lot of patience for people who don't understand mental illness. It's difficult and I don't expect people to automatically understand. In this case peopl
  18. My DX is empty because I really don't know. Probably dysthymia (persistent or chronic depressive disorder) if I had to give it a name. Trying to get help didn't help much. I did try but I think I scared the shit out of the CBT guy with a pony tail, and he referred me somewhere else. The somewhere else rejected me because there was no evidence that I'm a schizoid, which is something I mentioned to pony tail guy. Though I didn't think I was, just said the symptoms were similar. But I did previously think I was a schizoid. Don't know if everyone is familiar with that particular personality disord
  19. This has happened a few times. I wrote some tedious naval gazing miserable bullshit just yesterday which I wanted to share with the world for some reason. Since a few other blog entries have disappeared previously I made sure I clicked "Submit Entry", or whatever it is. Gone. Bermuda triangle, but she doesn't see my angle. Barry Manilow - Bermuda Triangle. Terrible song. "Bermuda triangle, it makes people disappear, Bermuda triangle, don't go too near." Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if one of the mods thought I'd gone too far in some of the crap I come out with. I'd agree. You mods need to
  20. All I'm saying is that more men should try wearing a bra. I feel so secure.
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