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    Papillion Nebraska

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  1. Ive never been in a mixed episode before and I'm starting to believe I might be in one as I write this today.  Im morbidly depressed but at the same time I can go to work and have a great time and really enjoy my time there as well as hanging out with my friend outside of work.  Even with the good moods at work I keep finding myself discovering new was I could kill myself whether it be extreme or the opposite.  When I'm alone I truly want to die and its the only thing I wish for although I would never actually kill myself it honestly makes me upset knowing that I won't because the sweet release sounds amazing.  I don't know what to do or how to navigate this,  I don't really have anyone to talk to besides my one true friend but Im also starting to realize I've become a huge burden and I'm overwhelmed with guilt and uselessness.  I see my therapist once every other week and would love to meet with her more often but I simply can't afford that.  I used to have multiple friends and others where I could go and talk to about damn near anything but now I feel so lost and I can't seem to comprehend any thought that enters my mind and its driving me insane.

    1. MiaB


      I am sorry that you are experiencing this.   I understand from what you have posted previously that you are not in favour of medication.  This is your choice, but I must in all honesty say that if things are going this badly, you may be reaching a point at which you need to start exploring this area.  At the very least, is your therapist aware of your current state of mind?  You said elsewhere that she was willing to work within your boundaries - do you have some kind of therapeutic plan in place?  Another thought might be a support group - have you perhaps looked into that?

  2. I told her that I want meds to be an absolute last resort and that ill be willing to try them if nothing else works and she said she understood and was willing to work with me on that. I'm just worried about how they'll affect me and I might not like how things turn out after being on them for awhile. I don't want them to change me in anyway but of course that's what they're supposed to do.
  3. I have Bipolar 2 and have been seeing a therapist I like for the past 2 months and I personally want to avoid taking medication if possible. Has anyone here with Bipolar 2 been able to do that or have any luck with it? I'm just now attempting to come to terms with having BP2 because I've noticed my symptoms increase to a level I haven't ever seen before.
  4. Thank you. I do have someone I can talk to and no I was on only Zoloft for awhile but I quit cause I knew it wasn’t working, my dad always brags about how he literally never cries but I still cry every now and then it’s just very rare. I’m just hoping there is a way where I can cry and see if it helps.
  5. I don’t know really how to talk about this or describe what’s going on but lately I’ve been really depressed and just really low except for a few occasions but after that I slip back down into this depression. Often I get very stressed or anxious over multiple things or sometimes I’ll just be really upset or sad and I want to cry so bad but I can’t. I just really want to cry and I’m not trying to hold it back but something is and it’s such a difficult thing and I don’t know why it happens. I feel weird saying that I want to cry but it just feels so good but whenever I need to I can’t.
  6. I do not at the moment cause I just moved but I am currently looking around, I was hoping that someone might know of any self help methods.
  7. As of recently I just moved back to Nebraska as some of you know and for the most part I would say I’m happy, except I’ve been struggling really hard with intrusive thoughts and I dont know what I can do anymore. I am a student aide in a special education class and often when I’m pushing a student in a wheelchair I get these intrusive thoughts that say “what if I take this corner really fast and maybe tip him/her over” or “take this corner as fast as possible” I would never do such things and I get thoughts like these constantly throughout the day and I’m going insane I can’t deal with them much longer but I don’t know how to avoid them or make them stop.
  8. Yeah Zoloft was the first thing I tried, I also tried lamictal but that did me no good. After I’m settled in after I move here in a few days I’ll see what I can do to get something useful.
  9. Yeah it really sucks ass but I’m hoping to find a much better doctor/physiatrist who can help me better.
  10. It has been quite the struggle if I’m being honest but I have had the help and advice from a coworker who was able to help me out and show me what was going on.
  11. He said he wanted me to just try Zoloft, I’m never trying that again and I don’t know why he would suggest it. We are finding a new doctor and hopefully specialist once we move.
  12. Yeah I managed to only walk away with a concussion. At this point once we get to where we move (this upcoming Monday) im gonna keep pestering my parents to take me to an actual specialist and fix this. Im kinda done with all the mania and depression. And the old family doctor said he wanted me to try Zoloft (never trying that again). Why he said I should try that I have no idea but I’m gonna make sure they take me to someone who actually knows what I could benefit from and not send me into mania.
  13. So the thing is that yes I have been diagnosed BP1, but my parents don’t like going to specialists (I have no idea why) so they aren’t the best when it comes to this but I have been working on some self help methods and a coworker of mine gave me a bipolar workbook which has been very helpful. That should/hopefully get me through the year and then I can get some real help.
  14. Well not exactly... I’m in the middle of moving states in a few days and in my last manic swing I totaled my car.
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