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About echolocation

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    boy handsome

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    painting/drawing (watercolour and inks), comics, writing (poetry and short stories), accounting

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  1. i love hoodies too. they make up a lot of my wardrobe.
  2. i read the phrase "emotional support sweater" on twitter or something a while ago, and i thought it was pretty apt. i have a too-big hooded button-down flannel shirt that i just like to hide in. i wear it whenever i get to spend the day at home. it's just comfy and safe. do you have an emotional support piece of clothing?
  3. my brain has suckered onto this song and won't let go.
  4. i'm sorry the anxiety was so bad today, and then compounded by weighing yourself. i don't have an ED, but have complicated feelings about my body leftover from being overweight as a child and constantly feeling out of place and ugly compared to my peers. i've best found peace with my body by treating it like a separate entity from my brain/being. less a part of me and more just a thing i have to feed and water in exchange for being able to interact with the world. it allows me the option of feeling neutral about my body instead of trying to love it or like it, which as you know is very difficu
  5. good for you for eating and showering! that's fantastic. i'm so glad you have such a good pdoc. it sounds like he's really dedicated to finding a way for you to feel better. i hope your appointment tomorrow brings good changes your way. i also don't like the phone appointments... for some reason it just feels harder to properly explain myself. plus phone anxiety. i think your pdoc will understand that you were really symptomatic when you screamed at him on the phone. i don't think he'll hold it against you. maybe instead of apologizing, thank him for his patience and understanding w
  6. good for you for taking today off. it sounds like you needed it. i'm sorry your head is so noisy lately. hopefully thursday comes quickly.
  7. you've been though a lot lately, and coming right off a 3 week inpatient stay, of course you're feeling fragile. i think right now your biggest priority should be taking care of yourself the best you can. definitely focus on keeping your stress as low as possible, improving your sleep, and generally being gentle with yourself. good move cutting it off with your brother, i hope not having to read his texts eases your mind a little. i remember your earlier post where you talked about having such a hard time sleeping. i would ask your pdoc if they can suggest something to knock you out. eati
  8. older ADs are definitely worth asking about, and given what you've already tried, i think it's the logical next step. i see you've tried clomipramine, would you be willing to try another TCA? sometimes they do the trick where SSRIs won't. i'm sorry you're having such a rough time. i hope you get some relief soon.
  9. i'm somewhere on the OCD spectrum too and my memory fails me on simple tasks often. did i actually save my file? did i lock the door? did i take my meds? i think it's less about memory and more about doubt, for me. i remember going to do something but i don't remember if i did it right. it's sort of magical thinking -- i know i hit the save button, but i don't know if it actually saved. i know my cat was across the room when i left but i don't know if i didn't somehow close the door on his tail. better check. when my meds are doing a good job and my OCD stuff is less bothersome, it's easi
  10. i think this is one of those cases where getting some help (therapy/counseling maybe?) would be a good tool to strengthen your resolve to put off future self harm episodes. since you feel good about controlling your self harm, it might be a good time to examine your triggers that make you want to cut, and make a list of tools that help you get over the urge without injuring yourself. that way, you'll be better prepared if a time comes again where you feel worse or the urge is more overwhelming. i'm similar in that i haven't done any major damage to myself via self harm (though some of my
  11. when stress is really bad, sleeping becomes my escape. you have to watch that you dont start oversleeping, but having a nap can allow you to hit pause for a bit. or even just hiding under a blanket. therapy/talking to someone who is willing to listen can be a good release. also agree that nature helps. just sitting outside and listening to the wind is calming for me. cooking was helpful for me when i was under a lot of stress in school. doing something with your hands and creating something tangible from nothing can be really soothing and satisfying. if it's cold where live rig
  12. interesting. makes me wonder if it's just not a very structured kind of therapy in practice. what might be insightful is defining the things that have improved for you and comparing it to the original goals of ACT i figure your initial reading would have talked about. personally i found when i did video therapy, i found it hard to talk about any really deep issues. we mostly covered surface-level day to day events and how they impacted me. i think it had to do with the fact that i couldn't get into a therapy mindset just being in my house at my laptop. i was relieved when my tdoc went bac
  13. have you considered augmenting with a low dose antipsychotic? when zoloft made me twichy and obsessive my pdoc prescribed low dose (<1 mg) risperidone, which ended up being a great med for me. also, i take clomipramine and have found it very useful for general anxiety and OCD flavoured symptoms. from what i've read and what my pdoc has told me about TCAs, the side effect profile is "dirtier" so to speak. my pdoc was quite concerned about weight gain when i first started titrating up. personally i find my hands shake a bit more than they used to (but they've never been super steady any
  14. that is a sad story. sounds like there were a lot of different angles to consider in deciding whether to admit him.
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