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About echolocation

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    boy handsome

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    painting/drawing (watercolour and inks), comics, writing (poetry and short stories), accounting

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  1. @Rabbit37 that sounds delicious!! mm, now i want mozzarella...
  2. @Rabbit37 you pretty much have to beg to get them taken out nowadays, but it does still happen! my cousin had a ridiculous amount of tonsil infections that often turned into fevers, so they took hers out after years of suffering through it. i think this was maybe 5 years ago? i wish they'd scoop mine out. i'm prone to weird sore throats in absence of other cold symptoms, and often only on one side. i also get tons of tonsil stones that cause pain when swallowing if i let them go for too long without pushing them out. bah! terrible organ. oh, you updated just as i was typing this out! what are you going to do with your tomatoes?
  3. WHY is just one tonsil sore. i have the most garbage tonsils on the planet.
  4. @MiaB that second kitty of yours has beautiful eyes! you're so lucky to have such sweet companions. @Rabbit37 my dog likes doorways, particularly. she'll sit in the entrance to the kitchen and REFUSE to move. but how mad can you be when they look so peaceful? @Hume's doona beautiful birdies! love those red cheeks.
  5. they say sometimes EMDR brings up stuff that is really buried. i haven't experienced that so far, but my tdoc gave me a full prep lesson for ways to take care of myself if something that had been blocked out comes up during/after EDMR. it has been through some clinical trials. here's a couple articles just from googling "EMDR clinical trial". http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi= https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28660669 the EMDR international association has a list of randomized clinical trials on its website (you can probably find the full text for most with some strategic googling).
  6. @Blahblah i think i might update here/in blogs about how it goes. it's interesting so far. she has me pick something that's been bothering me, and then we drill down to what the real underlying belief is that made me feel so bad. it kind of goes something like this (just an example i've made up): i'm sad that i wasn't invited to a party --> it's not that i feel bad about not going to the party, it's that i wasn't invited --> i feel that the host chose not to invite me (rather than not thinking of me/forgetting) --> she didn't invite me because i'm no fun --> nobody wants to be around me --> CORE BELIEF: i bring misery everywhere i go so once we've identified the core belief, she does a "float back", where i close my eyes and she tells me to thing of times where i've felt that way before. she repeats aloud "you bring misery everywhere you go. no one wants to be around you" a few times, and then waits to see if it brings anything up. she'll do the float back a few times until we hit a pretty early age. i think the ideal scenario is to find the first time you felt that way, but getting close or finding a particularly strong time you felt that way is good enough. when i've described the earliest memory in as much detail as i can, she does the EMDR part. she waves her finger side to side fairly quickly, and i follow it with my eyes. after a few seconds of that, she lets me sit quietly for a bit. i found here that i started crying and felt a big surge of emotion, even though my brain felt empty. she told me that's the reprocessing. we repeat the eye movement part a few times until i feel like i'm done. my mood has been brighter since that session, and like i said, it helped immensely with feeling okay about my friend moving. of course, tdoc is on vacation for the next month, so i don't see her again until aug 12, i think.
  7. things are very peaceful here. just me and my cat hanging out. i need to shower tonight, because i'm weirdly dirty. how did my arms get so much grime on them? huh.
  8. my OCD is far more obsessive than compulsive. i deal with a lot of intrusive thoughts that don't have compulsions attached to them. interacting with men and using bathrooms that aren't mine often give me sexual intrusive thoughts (i have no sexual trauma in my history that would otherwise account for this). from childhood until starting medication, i would get violent, gory thoughts out of nowhere that made it impossible for me to see cartoon violence without feeling nauseous. i used to get disgusting intrusive thoughts whenever i saw certain shades of green as a child. i still don't like the colour green in anything but plants. all along, i've almost never had typical OCD compulsions like checking, cleaning, or other rituals (however, in retrospect, i can identify a few things i used to do that were probably compulsions). part of pure-o sometimes entails compulsions that are primarily in your head, and don't get translated into overt physical actions. i used to be obsessed with efficiency (a weird OCPD/OCD crossover) and would run through how i could change the whole course of my day by saving a minute or two while making breakfast or whatever. i put a lot of mental energy into mapping out paths to take and ordering my actions into schedules that felt "efficient". physically, this would result in me doing stuff like bringing everything i needed for cooking out of the fridge in one go, and not putting anything away until i was done with everything and could bring it back in one trip. mentally, i was planning things down to the footstep. it was exhausting. i remember wishing my brain would just turn the fuck off, for once. you're not alone, and you're not a freak. i'm sorry things are so rough right now. keep posting about it -- we're here to listen.
  9. hey everyone. as you might know, i'm doing EMDR right now. if you do any reading about EMDR, the first thing that usually comes up is how effective it is for trauma particularly, but also for depression, anxiety, etc. i do not have or suspect a PTSD diagnosis and do not suffer with the effects of trauma. i'm actually doing EMDR for personality disorder (OCPD) treatment. we only just started, but i have really high hopes based on how the first real session went. we focused on my belief that i cause people to leave me by not being good enough, even the cases of people moving for work/school or my dad's heart attack. this belief had been causing me a good deal of trouble recently, because a very good friend of mine just moved to another province with her boyfriend. at the end of the session, i had a crystal clear thought -- it's not my fault she left, and my actions wouldn't have made her stay. i feel far more at peace with her moving now, and no longer feel personally afflicted by it, aside from the usual feelings of missing our usual meetups. so, it might just be placebo so far, but i'm feeling encouraged that this might help untangle my other really deep-seated negative beliefs. has anyone else tried EMDR for non-trauma reasons? or, would you consider it?
  10. @Cerberus what an eloquent way of putting it. this really resonated with me.
  11. well done, dances! submitting anything for feedback is insanely stressful to me. i hope the next round of approval goes well too!
  12. quite good, actually. yesterday's cathartic therapy session seems to have rinsed me out. buppy is sleeping peacefully next to me.
  13. @DammitJanet wishing you lots of bravery and luck! i've had a few soul-destroying haircuts. one was so bad that i shaved my head the next day. it was already really short and there wasn't a way to fix the cut, so i just said "fuck it." i didn't like how it looked on me, particularly a couple months into the grow out (straight hair + downwards growth pattern = silly baby bangs), but other people really liked it. interestingly, since then i've been far less self-conscious about my hair. it just looks how it looks. i hope you're able to come up with a solution that works for you!
  14. @Catwoman in your case, i would definitely go off of it. you shouldn't have to put up with those side effects if you're not getting much benefit in return. please update if you can after pdoc, i'm interested in hearing what the next step is going to be for you.
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