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About echolocation

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    boy handsome

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    painting/drawing (watercolour and inks), comics, writing (poetry and short stories), accounting

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  1. human. finally had a shower for the first time in what, a week? i feel like a bog witch who's being reintroduced to society.
  2. hi gear! i had a dream last night that you were helping me install a garage door. my brain made you a big burly dude, but it was definitely you. strange how things are interpreted in dreams!

    1. Gearhead


      That is funny. I’m female. 5’3”. But I can certainly help you with your garage door if you need it. We can schedule an appointment between the hours of one and six on Friday... 

  3. i was well-known in my elementary school for being very smart and a good artist. what kind of soap do you use in your shower right now? body wash, bar soap, dish soap?
  4. have you heard of the term non-binary? that's what lots of people use to describe themselves when they identify differently than the man or woman options. it's how i describe myself. personally i think i'm somewhere between the two, rather than fully neutral. there are aspects of masculinity i identify with, and aspects of femininity i also identify with. i have a degree of body dysmorphia that has gotten better over the years as i've gotten more comfortable with how i identify. it's hard to wish your body looked a different way. i'm sorry you've struggled with an eating disorder because of it. i'm not "out" to the general public, per se, but over the years i've communicated that i don't feel comfortable with typical femininity. honestly, it helps that i'm a lesbian, because people seem to understand better why i have masculine leanings and write me off as butch. i wear almost exclusively men's clothing and go to barbers to get my hair cut. have you considered buying a binder? i'm not sure how much you know about them, but it's a garment that sort of looks like a tank top that is made to compress your breasts in a safe manner. gc2b makes excellent binders made in the US in a few different styles and colours with sizes up to 5X, and underworks offers some cheaper options that lots of people swear by. i've linked their most popular style, as their website is a bit more confusing to navigate. personally, i love gc2b, and i own their half-tank style. i've used it for a few years now on and off and it's in great shape. other things that help me are being out online (like here, where my gender is listed as non-binary), letting my body hair grow out, and telling a few good friends who use language that is comfortable and gender-affirming to me. i still use she/her pronouns in real life because they don't bother me enough to try and change it, and i don't correct people who call me "miss", "girl", etc. it used to bother me more, but over time, i felt that i was comfortable enough in how i felt that it didn't matter what others saw me as. obviously, this doesn't work for everyone, but it's enough for me. don't underestimate the power of clothing in making you feel good about yourself. there is power and relief to be had in getting rid of anything that makes you feel like you're pretending to be someone you are not. there's no right or wrong way to be gender neutral. i know the only media representation of it tends to be androgynous pale waif-like young people, generally dressed in men's clothing, but you don't have to be skinny to be gender neutral. you don't have to leave behind all feminine identifiers. be who you are, and try to enjoy the journey. self-discovery can be scary, but it's also a door to a new feeling of being at home in your body.
  5. lunch. if i don't put my lunch together the night before, there's no way i'll bother in the morning. occasionally i'll pick out my clothes, but only if there's something special i have to consider (being outside all day, needing to look nicer, etc). what's the saddest movie you've ever watched?
  6. oh, i forgot all the used car ads i get. to be fair, i did do a ton of browsing when i was looking at buying a car.
  7. i'm much younger than you (21) but i have such a powerful fear of intimacy/rejection that i seem unable to have a romantic relationship. i've had some opportunities, but none of them really came through because i get so scared and anxious that i can't do any of the romantic stuff (anything involving touch/emotional vulnerability). it's frustrating. on the other hand, i don't really care when my meds squash what little remains of my libido, haha.
  8. i have a can at work full of snail shells i find when i take my dog to pee across the road from the shop. i have quite a few now, so i guess that counts. oh, and i'm always on the lookout for weird little knickknacks from flea markets, antique stores, thrift stores, etc. my last good find was a funny little pig made out of a gourd. do long drives make you sleepy?
  9. i get how having an exit brings comfort. but i encourage you to keep moving the date. you can always kill yourself tomorrow, but not today. or, at the very least, let your pdoc/tdoc/whoever is on your side know that you have a plan and a date. i don't know what meds you've tried, but there are always more options. always. this is not the end of your rope. this is not where things end. you're brave for coming out and saying this. i hope you can find some relief soon.
  10. i tend to get a lot of ads for local rehab centers, meditation apps, and the occasional Anxiety Canada ad. clearly they know that my head's not on right, but they're struggling with specifics. for a while i was getting a lot of ads for pristiq, which is a cousin of effexor (what i'm on) if i'm not mistaken. i thought that was sort of funny.
  11. it's so horrible to lose a pet, but even worse to lose one to such an ugly death. she deserved a quieter passing. that's not fair at all, rab, not to either of you. i hope you can take some comfort in knowing you gave her the best life possible, and that she was loved all to bits. there's no greater honour than to have been loved by a dog. thinking of you. go gently and don't push yourself while you grieve, and lean on us if it helps.
  12. usually sundays, because that's the only day of the week i don't work. do you carry a water bottle with you when you go out?
  13. the only mental benefit i get is being relieved that i'm not in pain anymore.
  14. i'm glad you understand me with the anxiety, harp -- the cognitive reasoning is probably a good idea. that's generally how i try to handle my other anxieties, but i always forget to reason it out with this particular issue. it's so scary!! my pdoc had a suggestion for why i struggle with this so much. she says i have strong avoidant traits (as in AvPD), and i feel like that's eventually going to result in a full dx, if she hasn't already made her mind up about it (i didn't ask). it explains a lot about me. i might blog about it later.
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