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About Sage22BSTi

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  1. I struggle just trying to eat. I don't enjoy the food I once did, or any for that matter. I'm down to about a half a meal a day on average, and losing weight. I usually maintain 140-145 because of my metabolism, which is already a low weight for being 6' 1", but I weight about 125 right now. I'm always hungry, but anytime I start to eat, I eat about half, then want to puke, not feel like puking, I just want to. I used to eat alot. 2 pizzas for dinner, 3 bowls of cereal for breakfast with toast, but I just can't bring myself to eat. I waste so much food because I know I won't eat the rest of it
  2. I struggle with this as well. I know it takes very little effort, but with how shitty I feel, I shower once or twice a week. I've always noticed that once I get in the shower, the hot water makes me feel slightly better, so I'll stand there for 20 minutes, not even doing anything. There has to be some psychology behind that I haven't seen yet, but I heard that lonely/depressed people tend to take less frequent, but longer showers because it puts them in a sense of calm and warmth that they find false, and because they don't want to lose it, they just stay away from it.
  3. lets start with the age of 11. First suicide attempt, failed. Second attempt a year later, tried to drown myself. I figured these attempts would work, because i did die from a head injury when i was 8 and my heart restarted. Cutting myself was not my first option but i got there, eventually. at the age of 14, i started freshman year of highschool, and took two classes that really interested me. Auto shop and machining/welding. I have had a large strive to learn how to fix/create because im running from the fact i cant fix myself. at this point, my depression is bad, so ive shut out everyone to
  4. It's been awhile since my last posting. Since everything that happened between then and now, quite a few things happened. The girl I talked about, she got pregnant from her peice of shit boyfriend who's now a methhead, and I told her if anything went South, that I wouldn't mind being a father for the child. Two weeks later, she had a miscarriage, and I died inside again. Then it got better. She took advantage of how I felt about her to make herself feel wanted because her boyfriend wasn't doing good enough. After that, told me I had no real place in her life, and that killed me even more. So m
  5. I'm not sure what this is, or why it scared me, and I've got a few more to think about posting, but I'm just gonna ask about this one for now. I was at a buddy's house until about 1130 at night, and had walked out the door to my car. I realized I forgot to tell him something, so I went back to the door, and he had locked it, so I knocked on the door. All the lights in his house were off when he came to the door. I looked at where the sound of the door was opening through the screen/glass door and saw someone standing there. It scared the hell out of me because it wasn't who I was expecting to
  6. From the time I was 2 till 10, I moved a total of 7 times, had been abused by2 stepdads and my dad, was constantly put down by them, and lost pretty much everyone in my life, so to protect myself from this, I stopped being the person I was. When I was 10, I started to suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies and kept it to myself until I was 17. Went to drugs and alcohol, but neither one helped, so I just went back to being the cold, cruel a-hole everyone veiwed me as. There's only 4 people in this world I trust and my mom isn't one of them. Since I lost everything including my family, I
  7. This is a forum for people who cannot socialize. Whether your an introvert through trauma or by nature, share your experience here. I am an introvert through trauma
  8. I constantly am picking at different peices of skin on my hand, fingers and legs. It's so bad that I have permanent scar tissue in some areas. I mainly do it when I'm nervous but it's been gradually getting worse
  9. Im just done. I work almost 40 hours a week, get 3 hours of sleep a night. I barely make time to eat. My car needs so many replacement parts that I can't keep up with it. My stepdad and Mom are getting divorced, so he took 200 bucks out of my wallet. My grandpa came home drunk and I got into a shouting match with him. I went down the road, told my mom over the phone, and as I was turning around, he hit the rear of my car at 35, destroyed his, threw out my back, and blames me. He's now suicidal. My brother hates my guts for no reason other than my stepdad makes him think I'm the bad guy. I
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