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  1. Showers are difficult for me because I have really bad dry skin and eczema. Showers dry it out more. Comfortable, warm showers dry it out the most. So I have to take off my clothes in my dark, ugly, uncomfortable bathroom, then have an internal battle over whether I want a nice warm shower to relax my muscles and deal with the skin consequences later or a lukewarm quick shower to not irritate my skin. So no matter what I feel uncomfortable showering. Physically uncomfortable or mad at myself that I couldn't resist the temptation of warmth that I'm going to pay for later. Sometimes I just wash my hair under the tap and pretend I showered. Then at least I don't feel like people are looking in disgust at my greasy hair.
  2. To start this out I wanna say I have a medication phobia. A week ago I finally say a psychiatrist for depression that's been untreated for years (besides trying every herb/supplement on the planet). She prescribed lamotrigine (25 mg), escitalopram (10 mg but I'm only taking 5), and risperidone 0.15 mg. I understand the lamotrigine and escitalopram, but can not figure out WTF the risperidone is supposed to do. My theories: a) I was honest when she asked if I've thought about killing myself (Yes, but I don't think I'd ever do it.) and she wanted me on something that would knock me on my ass until the other meds kicked in b) When she asked about my family history, I said I had a brother with psychoses that killed himself, so maybe she assumes I have a high risk of schizophrenia or bipolar c) I said I have trouble staying asleep But anyway, risperidone scares me. I mean, the other two meds also scare me, but risperidone scares me even more. And I have a family history of diabetes and my blood sugar is riiight under prediabetes and I get a lot of blood sugar swings already, a med that is known for increasing blood sugar is not something I really want to take for no reason. So I'm just taking the other two meds for now. Can anyone give me a reason why I should take it? Experiences with risperidone at similar dosages? I can't really talk to the doc about it because I'm living in a country where I don't really speak the language (or not well enough for discussing my depression with a doctor in depth, anyway), and she doesn't speak English well enough. Yeah that's how desperate I am to treat my depression, I'm going to a doctor I can't even communicate with. (She put her son on speakerphone to translate... that was fucking awkward.)
  3. I had a similar experience with my first med (citalopram) back when I was a teenager, and it scared me off SSRIs for decades. So my depression just went untreated.... So kudos for even trying other meds after that first shitty time. I just started up on escitalopram, an idea that terrified me when a doctor suggested it a few years ago, because escitalopram and citalopram are so similar (one's a purified isomer of the other), and I'm not having any psychological side effects this time (my first experience had me agoraphobic and kind of in a spastic yelly mood, plus sexual side effects, anhedonia, stuff like that). There's probably also something about how a younger brain just out of adolescence responds vs a more mature brain.
  4. I have mild reflux, something like GERD or LERD, for the past six months or so. Mostly no pain, just really bad smells at the back of my throat and occasional vomit burp. It recently (past couple months) started giving me vague gut pain and bloating after meals, so I saw a dr, got scoped, and was diagnosed with reflux. No erosion/ulceration was seen though, just stomach juices bubbling up my esophagus a little. So, I got some prescription strength probiotics and started putting chia seeds in my drinks. (The goo really soothes all that mess.) My reflux was more or less under control with just that, until I finally decided to go to a psychiatrist for my (years long untreated) depression. Now, after a week at 5 mg escitalopram and 25ish mg (I'm trying to quarter 100 mg pills, it's not so accurate) lamotrigine in the AM, my stomach is MAD. Putting anything in my stomach makes it bloated and painful. And the past couple days it's even worse. Last night, probably two hours after eating I had a wicked vomit burp. Like the food in my stomach wasn't moving down AT ALL. This morning I even woke up bloated. I have a long history of gut unhappiness, but it's usually my bowels/large intestine and this stomach pain shit is really making it hard for me to do anything. Like, I'm so bloated I'm scared if I get up and move around I'm going to vomit. (But I don't have nausea, weirdly enough.) And I think all this clenching my stomach against the bloating and pain is making my asthma worse. Is this a start up side effect that will go away? Anyone know of anything besides PPIs that can help it? I think the problem is that my digestive tract just isn't moving, not that I have too much acid, and besides PPIs give me wicked diarrhea. When I had a big cup of coffee with breakfast yesterday morning, my big hearty breakfast didn't cause me any problems at all. Coffee usually makes my digestive track tweak the fuck out and puts me on the toilet, I think in this case it brought my gut back to normal speed. But I can't do that with dinner. My doctor actually wants me on 10 mg escitalopram already and I'm scared to go up because I don't want this to get worse. Also I have medication phobia and want to stay at the lowest doses possible for everything. But I really want to give the meds a chance to work.....
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