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About boatsie

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    SF Bay Area
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    Ongoing battle to get off all meds! Write and work on Climate Change. Yoga. Mindful Meditation. My BFF Aggie Pocket. Seeking community.

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  1. Oh my god, this comment by your doc is so true, so right on. I find that when I am in situations of extreme stress I handle things quite well. It is when I am in the premonition, waiting for disaster which might have no basis in reality that things get really out of control for me. I call this the "What ifs". I can imagine horrific what ifs about any situation which even remotely impacts me or anticipate something coming my way. And I find that I can go in and out of these episodes a few times a day. So looking at it as a type of inflamation which waxes and wanes might be quite helpful
  2. That'd be me. After years of being treated for MDD and anxiety, I walked into a new docs office and he said PTSD and since then it is as if my whole life has been upended. It's been a few years now dealing with this diagnosis - have you heard about Richard Miller's iRest program ? A Must! It explains so much, being 'stuck' developmentally at a young age and not having been able to move beyond that in terms of maturity of certain aspects of my personality, I did a lot of reading on complex post traumatic syndrome (visit Out of the Fog); working totally with integrative therapy and specialists who work to help build parallel brain 'muscles' to counter act and I've had a lot of success. I wish you luck on this new journey. It's tough going at the beginning. Things do get better. And it does help to be able to finally understand WHY.
  3. check out irest https://www.irest.us/ https://www.irest.us/publications/The-iRest-Program-for-Healing-PTSD-by-Richard-Miller or yoga nidra http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-e-groves-md/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-and-yoga-nidra-meditation_b_8057262.html
  4. Just jumping in here and this may be old news to members but growing up in abusive home, diagnoses of MDD, addictions, etc. and finally at the ripe age of 60 was at long last diagnosed with "complex post traumatic Stress Disorder" thought i'd share with you something I wrote last november.... Complex PTSD & Resting in Stillness After that time, I was a mere week or so into no contact with my mother and after all this time she reconnected with me about a week ago. Luring me in ... i forget the term for that ... hoovering? Naturally, I am so terrified. People have told me that since I went NC, I have been so much healthier a person ... have made so much progress. My heart goes out to all of you who struggle with this ....
  5. OMG. I've been tapering off Klonopin for the past month and the intrusive negative thoughts are perhaps the hardest part. I can't find one positive memory or current cirucumstance to counteract. I feel paralyzed to act in the world because every thing I do feels like the wrong thing. I am recalling all the things I fucked up in my life because of my mental health and feeling powerless to take on anything new because the patterns are so powerful. Negative and hurtful things family and friends have done to me obsess me. IT's hell.
  6. i thought about trying this med to help with my taper off effexor ... but really couldn't find much good reported. saw my team yesterday and they've added 5HTP, Deplin, mega Bs and gave me a script for Lexapro.... haven't filled the lexapro yet .... today was about 50% better than the 2 previous days...
  7. I am going through Effexor XR taper right now and have apt tomorrow w/docs on next steps. This has been a three month process and right now i am at 37.5 ... feeling really horrid. on the verge of another nasty episode and not knowing who to trust or what to do. but everything i read says the prozac is best. so im thinking that is what i will bring to the table tomorrow. i was doing so well, of course relative to real life well, with days up, days down, but over the past week or so it has been going progressively downhill.
  8. So after 3 months, I am down to 37.5,off the trazadone, and after beign down to .5 klonopin, using more to sleep. Our plan is to deal with the klonopin after the effexor. RIght now, the search is on for the mediation to substitute for the effexor ... the hope is with the use of CBT, mindful meditation, supplements, exercise yoga I will be able to find that magic balance which allows me to reprogram my brain to stability. im starting to have doubts. while this taper (effexor) has been hard, in the past week the signs of depression are increasing, including lately the true feeling of chemical shifts which ususally precipitate a break down. The hard to explain feeling of impending horror or the attachment of overwhelmingly frightening thoughts with everyday intereactions .. like it is harder to read, look at pictures, etc. without feeling just plain creeped out... like my mind is going to, on the verge of going somewhere ... and i have to rein it in. The team I am working with (a CBT and an integrative health MD) meets tomorrow to discuss next steps. Cymbalta,Lexapro, St.John's Wart and the new AD Vibid (?) are on the table. Getting off Effexor is #1. How we do it and if I do need to stay on some medication are in question. Im desperately looking for help here. IMO, the big problem is the lack of a support network. I just don't have friends and family involved and the more I get to know my friends the more I realize they are so sick of dealing with this aspect of my life.
  9. My doc said yes to ketamine treatment for depression but what Im into is the finidings that it works on GABA and that gluta (forget end) pathway as opposed to the ususal neurotransmitters. A lot of research on protein folding and glia ...
  10. I was really abusing clonopin. Finally got myself down to 1 mg. No problems. Sleeping okay, even after discontinuation of Trazadone for sleeping. Righ t now Im using more though because I am tackling my Effexor XR and having problems with sleeping. Im a little nervous about this but as I know I can get to 1 mg and was ready to make the jump to .5 I feel the Effexor is my big challenge right now. The doc is prescribing Progesterone and L theanine for me as well as Gaba to help Clonopin taper. I am also going to Acupuncture and look into Chinese herbs. Cranio sacral also a huge help
  11. exercise is my savior now. weaning of meds. yoga 4 x a week, cardio strength agility 2 x but now with the next taper I have to move it up to 5x at leat. AND i have to get out of bed and before I can even think about it be in my car and off to the gym.
  12. Blood tests back. Time to try to quit. I've got all the side effects from long term use incuding possiblity of glaucoma, super high cholesteroal, elevated glucose, low white blood cell count ... So far: Im totally off trazadone, that was the first one the doc wanted me off. Down to 1 mg of Klonopin from abuse just 1 year ago. Down to 75 mg. Effexor XR from 225 (from high of 300).... Replacements: 5000 mg Omegas, Pregnenalone, Progesterone, DMHA, Mega doses Vit. D, Multi vitamin infusion drinks. Yoga 4x week. Aerobic/balance/agility/endurance 2x a week. Meditation 3 x a week. No sugar. Working on eliminating ALL CARBS. Doing online luminosity training every AM for work on cognitive skills. Work with Cognitive Therapist. Works with consult with Integrative Med doc. Results: Loss of 35 lbs. Excessively itchy skin on inner arms, shoulder blades. Mood swings. Isolation. Depressive episodes. Inability to motivate, like all my energy is being used by my brian reconfiguring. Sense of being lost. Irritibility. CRAVING for carbs! Since cut back to 75 insomnia which has me increasing klonopin again because the insominia is terrifying. Considering supplmenenting with GABA .... Plan to switch to Prozac for final taper off Effexor XR. So far not a bad place to be. Just hard to motivate to get to the gym EVERY FRIGGING DAY. Cause working out is the total answer. Cardio plus yoga. But when you feel so quasi depressed it is so hard to believe or care. Lots of gas. Runny nose. A few incidents of flu like symptoms. Crying inapprorpirately. Desperately wanting some support. Over and out. Here is my picture. Note the lack of affect. WHere am I boatsie
  13. Have you thought about joining an ashram? I know this sounds really out there, but it is something I think about really often. That by totally submersing myself in spiritaul practice and just plain simple work, like farming and cooking and cleaning and then meditating and chanting . perhaps there will be a chance to reorganize myself.... I am so sorry for your pain.
  14. Yikes This is all me! Im working on a tapering down now after 16 years but the only thing that helps me is MAJOR excercise and Ivengar Yoga. I do a lot of writing and reading and work with my mind to force myself mo matter how damn heavy my limbs feel out of the damn house. Sometimes I stay out of the house all day just to get away from the depression. I take the dog i take my work I take a book .. I take almost my entire life with me and stay away from the phone, the computer. the televsion. One of the comments that really connected for me was this extreme interpersonal rejection sensitivity .. OMG that is the story of my life (when Im depressed or too alone)....
  15. Well, I am now working on the taper down big time. Have been off the trazadone for 10 days; down to 1 mg of klonopin and starting the effexor cut back tomorrow form 150 to 112.5. Wish me luck! Working with exercise, yoga, nutrition, CTherapist, supplements .... we are switching to 10 mg of Valium with a mere .2-.3 adjunct of the Klonopin as part of the taper .... I am also on mega D drops and Progesterone ...
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