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WytchyWoman

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  1. QUESTION: is trazodone one of those meds that once it poops out on you, you're SOL?" (and if it's not do you need to wait a certain amount of time after poop out for it to be useful again?) I have taken trazodone successfully in the past, and was on and off of it for years, in combination with benzos. but, both have totally pooped out on me. I'm tapering off diazepam slowly, .5 mg every 3 months, as i was on benzos for sleep for ~15 years. and was down to 50 mg of traz. but in january the trazodone was suddenly stopped because I had surgery and my meds got all screwed up. They put me on gabapentin for nerve pain. I have medical trauma issues, so my anxiety was through the roof and my PCP (yeah i know i do not have a pdoc atm) added buspar to try and help that. I wound up having a psychotic type episode that has been classified as serotonin syndrome bc of the buspar and traz combined. Traz was 50mg, and buspar 5, low doses but apparently it was enough. It was terrifying. They had me immediately stop the traz, and taper off the buspar over the course of a week. now i am just down to 1.5mg of diazepam, and some medical thc & cbd (5 mg each a night). I cannot seem to sleep through the night to save my life. additional history involves the usual, melatonin, benadryl, risperdal, seroquel, lunesta, ambien, daytime adderall to try and balance things out by activating me during the day. I'm going to see a PHd who is a specialist in anxiety insomnia for some specific insomnia CBT, after going to the regular sleep doctor and being told a sleep study is not warranted bc i don't have any apnea or restless leg type indicators. it's "just" anxiety. i wake up in a panic, and my brain starts running through everything i am worried about, losing my job, health issues, dying homeless and alone, paying my bills, people being at the laundromat, if my brakes need to be fixed ... i am scared of everything all the time. and it all gets jacked up in the middle of the might for some reason. i have had insomnia off and on since elementary school. but ever since i got divorced and quit drinking i have been an extra mess. it's always triggered by anxiety. i always sleep best on saturday night, but sunday when i worry about having to go back to work and perform, it falls apart. i get between 3 and 6 hours during the week while i am working. last night i got 3. saturday night, i woke up at around 5am but was able to go back to sleep and get a total of almost 9 hours. i'm at my wits end. i'm having trouble functioning at work; my driving is not as good as it should be. this is now months into this jag, and i am starting to feel really ragged with an average of 5 hours a night. i don't know what to do anymore. i can barely function and nothing seems to help. i was reading on the boards that you can go up to 200mg of traz, and i wonder if that could help, bc i was only up to 100mg on it. but i know some meds just lose their efficacy for people, and if it pooped out at 100, maybe 200 won't do anything. i could take this to my PCP, but she's not an expert in this field. i am trying to find a pdoc, but that is proving problematic. the CBT could help, but that would take time. meanwhile, i need to sleep. sorry for the length and rambling nature of this. i am so frikkin tired. i just sit at my desk and cry most days. appreciate your thoughts. mine are just jumbled and incoherent at this point ...
  2. my naturopath put me on estrovera and it seemed to help a lot. https://www.metagenics.com/estrovera previously i had really bad cycle regularity issues, and was put on bc pills for about a year as a very low cost (free), mild, hrt to regulate cycles but once it was apparent i would be menopausal w/o them, we stopped them, and boom, menopause. the estrovera helped a lot with the mood related symptoms. i hope you can find relief.
  3. i seem to have a sensitivity to codeine based pharmaceuticals. years ago i had an episode of suicidal thoughts, bad, very serious, after being sick and prescribed codeine cough syrup. just recently i have been having some health issues causing pain, and my doctor prescribed oxycodone, very low dose, i only took it a couple days around thanksgiving, and then again this past friday night. by saturday morning i was a suicidal mess. i wailed through my entire tdoc session. i was actually able to get myself there bc i was so scared. but i went in my pajamas. i'm only feeling back to normal today. (i also flipped out when i took it around thanksgiving, but my boyfriend was here and kept talking me off the ledge and suggested i stop taking the meds, so that cleared up after a couple days and i felt better.) i just can't seem to find any understanding of this. if it's a known side effect, what the brain chemistry interaction is. i read recently that the oxy doesn't eliminate pain, but tricks your brain into thinking it doesn't feel the pain. so, i am assuming this means brain chemical manipulation = the effect i am experiencing. trust me, i won't be going near these drugs ever again. but i would still like to understand the science of it if anyone can help out. a lot of this stuff is really difficult for me to understand when i find resources with information. appreciate any information anyone has to share. also i wasn't sure where to put this, sorry if it's in the wrong place.
  4. completely and utterly exhausted ... and yet unable to sleep!!! YAHTZEE!
  5. FINALLY found the status update thing ... i had it disabled. sheesh. 

  6. oh thank you for this. i despise the holidays. i despise them. i am in a profession that is extremely busy at the end of the year. i don't want to be merry. i want to go to bed. i don't want to be festive, or give you my money for your charity, or eat your cookies you made with ingredients i can't eat. i hate the assumption that just bc i am alive, i must be christian, i don't do this holiday, and no that doesn't mean i want it abolished, i just don't want it shoved down my throat every single where i turn. i have to drive by a mall to get home from work and the shopping traffic adds 30% travel time to my commute which is already 3x as long as it should be bc the state doesn't have the infrastructure to support the volume of commuters during rush hour. my mom died gosh over 20 years ago and that first year, everyone pressured me to celebrate. i didn't want to. i wanted to go to st thomas. back when i actually had money and could have gone. but noooooooo that might screw up someone else's holiday. if there was any small place to escape or avoid it, it wouldn't be so bad. i stopped to buy some toilet paper and toothpaste last year and when i didn't make eye contact with the bell ringing santa hat wearing person blocking my egress, i got a "MERRY F*CKING CHRISTMAS!" from the person. hey. you wanna stand in the cold and ring a bell, enjoy. just leave me alone. i shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not interacting. i'm tired. i'm slightly crazy. i just don't wanna have any part of any of this. and yet, i have silver bells in the cafeteria at work. it's so obnoxious.
  7. thank you so much for this. i noticed a weird thing. i can read again. with focus and clarity. i haven't been able to for so many years now i can't remember when i could. this tiny thing is huge. also, while i almost forgot to eat dinner, once my stomach growled i cooked myself hot food (not bread and cheese or cereal), and washed the dishes immediately after eating, not 3 days later when i had no more clean spoons. also i swept and vacuumed. i've pretty much just been sitting on the couch for the last couple of months, so while this doesn't sound like a lot, it really is, for me. and if it is cumulative, perhaps i may just get my life back in time. i really appreciate the information and support from everyone. i was very afraid to try this. but i'm glad i did now.
  8. i finally started today, not noticing much myself ... we shall see. is it an immediate reaction or something that builds up?
  9. Thanks so much for the feedback. I am going to try it tomorrow morning. I figure, just in case there are any side effects, I would rather have them on a weekend than at work. My PCP said it was a low dose, but it helps a lot to know specifically that it's a starting dose for pediatric treatment. I'm hoping i have a revelatory experience like you did @mikl_pls; I am truly at my wits end at this point. Fingers crossed.
  10. 10 mg XR i didn't realize it could help depression too. that actually makes good sense, but i hadn't thought of it. that could be a really good thing for me, especially at this time of the year in new england. thank you. so glad your meds are helping you so much!
  11. My PCP just prescribed me Adderall. I've had a lot of pdocs/tdocs over the years suggest an ADD-inattentive dx, but i was never prescribed anything for it before so I have zero experience with this type of med. I haven't started it yet. I'm a little nervous because I have had some crappy experiences with negative side effects and withdrawal symptoms with other meds. I know you can't offer medical advice, but any anecdotal experiences / advice for a newbie would be really awesome. I know even the best of doctors cannot paint the full picture of a med, only you, the actual users of the medication know what the experience is really like. Appreciate whatever anyone would care to share.
  12. that's so weird. i must have something turned off. thanks!
  13. i don't have it either , i'm on chrome, is it a browser specific thing?
  14. tired. again. woke up at 2:30am and could not go back to sleep. this is so frikkin old. idky they can't find something that will knock me out. holding out hope for later this month when the cannabis card comes through. so not my thing, but if it helps me sleep, i'd stand on one foot and quack like a duck. boss talked with me about tardiness yesterday, so great, now the job that keeps me awake at night will stress me out for fear of losing it because it makes me not sleep. maybe it would be a blessing, though idk how i'd pay my bills without it. i hate my head. PS: My kitty has already started the seasonal snuggling. my one good thing.
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