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  1. The first time I took it it gave me startup headaches and insomnia if taken later in the day. I was also on 5mg which seemed to have sufficient antidepressant effect for many weeks, then I became so sleepy I was barely ever awake any more, and I felt dubmed down. Had no thoughts, and was forgetful and lethargic. Made me very hungry too. It first it helped with body aches, then made them worse. Experimenting with dosage didn't help so I got off it. I think I was hypomanic after, though not sure the lexapro did that. The second time I took it it was a miracle. Took a bit longer to kick in than first time and I had to go up to 20 mg but it was amazing. I felt so normal. No cognitive side effects, sleep was fine, no jaw clenching, no lethargy, nothing. No constipation, unlike the fist time. The few digestive side effects (like flatulence) went away within 48 hours for me. No hypomania. I split my dose to 10 mg mornings, and 10 in the p.m. I tried going lower but that didn't work. I only tapered off due to insurance problems, otherwise I'd have stuck with it because it worked so wonderfully the second time. I'd say try it, and if it doesn't work this time, don't be afraid to try it sometime later if it's suggested. I guess no two episodes are the same, so sometimes a med is the right fit, other times not. I'd keep an eye on mania symptoms. I really hope it works for you!!
  2. So done with never-ending pain, exhaustion, nausea and,, life. Really just want to be dead already. Dreamed I was collecting dirt in a pail for my own burial. It felt like doing something good for myself rather than disturbing.
  3. Okay, get your Kleenex ready. Actually, maybe get a towel. Listen to the end because it gets better and better and then some. Grab a bucket and mop just in case. This isn't your typical The Voice audition, at all. This is so surreal I refuse to listen to it again because I can't help crying rivers when I do. She is not human. She can't be. I've never heard anything so beautiful.
  4. I made healthy meals ahead so I don't keep falling victim to cookies, cleaned and refilled my water bottle, put my good PJs and sweater on and played with my dog. Cuddling up with mister Shame next (we all "pile up", him, dog and myself and watch documentaries about space) and having a healthy lunch after. Heaven knows we need our own love now.
  5. Keeping occupied doing pleasant stuff around the home. Been a very bad few weeks, and an epically terrible past week especially, but I try to be as close to okay as it's possible. Don't know whether I'm just turning a blind eye to my problems really well or getting better at trying my best to stay calm. In any case, it's still better than hysteria or actively begging for death to come.
  6. The worst was being told to ignore my physical concerns as it's only in my head And to agree to a tiny inheritance and massive debt that comes with it because It is possible to pay off debt in the thousands while living on 240/ month. Four years later I have serious health issues and no insurance or treatment, my account is frozen and have nowhere to live but with a partner who makes me so much worse. I think all of that could've been avoided if she admitted the full extent of my concerns was realistic and not just an exaggerated emotional reaction. I especially dislike how people on normal income like to imagine someone who wears shoes with holes in them in minus temperatures and is being constantly threatened with homelessness by debt collectors can just pay it off with 240 barnacles. And have basic living expenses and medical treatment covered. Or when they tell me to reason with a delusional partner who happens to have no empathy whatsoever. Or that I need to either accept his behavior or leave, without telling me where to leave to. Told me to rent a place. What part of I have zero money did she not understand? To shower at the local pool. If I could afford a pool pass, I wouldn't have been worried about that. They're acting like we don't want to get help when we answer their idiotic "oh that one's easy! Just BUY xyz!" by pointing to our bank balance, court and eviction notices. Riiiiight, just buy things, why didn't I think of just paying for a place, paying to have multiple abscessed teeth treated, or my DVT, or just paying the debt off and none of this would have been an issue! Why didn't I see there's a solution to all of this which is simply paying for stuff with imaginary money!! Duuh!! Why don't I just agree with my idiot partner that it's of more importance that he'd not have to spend the evening on the couch alone than it is for me to be with my dying mother on the night she is leaving this world, why don't I just accept him saying i'm worthless (actually he said retarded) for having no more money to pay for his endless list of wants, and why don't I just pay dozens of thousands to prevent a clot from killing me?! Oh they know why, because it's just "emotional distress" that's why. When I can't pee for a week due to obvious obstruction protruding through my stomach it's also just in my head and thus my kidneys will not die. Heh. I like my clots these days. Because they're a promise I won't have to endure life for much longer. All of this is so EASY, we obviously like being depressed and declining these OBVIOUS solutions! I'm not a vengeful person, I don't think. But I wish such professionals had to live like they expected their clients to live. And that they weren't given the mercy of a clot that's going to eventually end their misery. What trumps it, they make us go from ill to suicidal. Why are they not behind bars.
  7. They're all so flippin adorable!! Please everyone give them lots of cuddles for me! BonBon is introducing me to the woes of canine adolescence by marking my kitchen. Preferably just after I've cleaned and disinfected (" ugh, I worked so hard getting my smell on this and she just wiped every trace of it off. Sigh. Gotta do it all over again"). I'm trying the lavender trick now and amping up the training. I do fully expect him to revenge pi$$ on me in my sleep tonight (I hear it's a thing. Yippie.) for having cleaned like half a dozen messes in two days. Wish me luck. But he is soooooo precious and smart and funny and cute and interesting and I adore this little fountain of pi$$. Nom nom
  8. Someone calling the wrong number from several states away woke me up. Which is great because I've been in this seriously annoying zone of sleeping until an hour before work and rushing to get groceries and walk the dog before heading out. Need to go get veggies because I've been comfort eating sweets and junk thinking cholesterol would take longer to ruin me than stress. Yesterday was a tough day at work, I think today will be too but then I get tomorrow off. I don't want to stop hugging my warm, soft, magical dog.
  9. Feel like I have rocks inside my head and eyes. Let's all sleep for a year.
  10. As far as hashimotos showing up on panels, I may not have it right, but perhaps unspecific inflammation markers like the ANA test, or sedimentation rates or hs-CRP could point to it? I'm not sure if hashimotos necessarily causes overall inflammation, but if it does those markers could be elevated and some, like sedimentation, are done routinely, perhaps the last time you've had blood drawn for whatever reason. They're unspecific of course so they wouldn't tell *where* your inflammation is and whether it's really from your thyroid. Otherwise I only know of tests for thyroid antibodies, I guess an endo would check for that. I really hope it's not more complicated or a pituarity tumor. Thyroid issues sound unpleasant enough!
  11. A moment of calm watching findig nemo just now. Feel like a kid on a Saturday morning.
  12. Have you ever had imagining to check for thyroid nodules? A simple ultrasound may suffice, like Cheese said. Just a thought. All in all, I think it's best to rely on an endo, if there isn't one near, I would ask whether there's a nuclear medicine lab near instead, they do thyroid tests where I live. You'd still need an endo after, but at least you'd have test results that would hopefully speed things up. Good luck and hope you get to the bottom of it soon!
  13. This period is draining the life out of me. My shift is almost up, I need to just do well until evening. Eyes closing.
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