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  1. Thank you both. I am going in on Wednesday for 6 weeks. I am scared but more calm (so far) than I expected. I feel better prepared for this this time and I think it will help that I am not currently in a depression. I feel really motivated to recover once and for all. I hope I can make this work this time.
  2. Well, the hospital called me last week and I had my assessment for inpatient treatment this morning. I could be going in as soon as next week. I am so glad,so grateful but so utterly terrified. This is so shocking.I wasn't expecting to hear from them until August. I am ready to embrace recovery but at the same time it is incredibly scary. Who am I without this? Is it possible I could live a rich life completely free of this? I'm scared.
  3. I am so glad you have your ED mostly under control....would not wish the amount of misery I am going through upon you..I hope you can eventually be rid of it altogether.I am so sorry you can relate at all... That is great how you faced and dealt with your OCD.That certainly isn't easy either....
  4. Thank you so much for your continued support and validation,jarn. I do have some optimism about the ACT team.They were very helpful the last time I worked with them.
  5. My pdoc said he wondered if I were to need to go back to emerg. if that would expedite things,but I am not sure.Years ago,when I was hospitalized for refeeding just for 10 days they really fought for my assessment to be pushed up. At my current weight,if I don't turn it around soon I will be headed very likely to a general pysch unit. I am also going to start working with an ED ACT team that I worked with years ago which is a positive...
  6. I dunno...the last time i was hospitalized after my heavily restricting and my overdose I did do well with eating,but fell backwards as soon as I got out.And I think it was about a year or so ago? I was in our major mental health centre and underwent refeeding,then soon went inpatient in the ED program at another hospital but didn't last long in the program. I fear if I keep going the way I am going soon I won't have any choice as far as being admitted to a general pysch unit... My pdoc has never really threatened me with putting me on a form but I know he would if he felt my health was in danger. I have an appointment with him today.Will see what he says...
  7. I would so love to be able to do an inpatient intensive OCD program but sadly to my none exist in Canada,at least not that I am aware of,will ask my pdoc. But years ago it was why I was referred to MacLean in Boston....nothing here. Ah well.
  8. Well.Another update.(Sorry for so so many posts here...) Just got an email from the coordinator letting me though that they had received my referral. The wait time for an assessment is approximately 4 months. I am currently,by their hospital's standards,nearly 40 lbs underweight. I will disappear within 4 months. It goes on to say that my doctors are responsible for my medical monitoring while I am awaiting an assessment. They said that my doctors "Should support me with emergency room visits."| This is all so very tragic.It means so so many are suffering right now. I am scared.
  9. Oh I forgot about NEDIC,thank you.They will likely refer me to Sheena's Place,but they would be empathetic people to talk to for sure. Thank you for reminding me of them.
  10. Thank you so much... Thank you so much for your support through this.... My pdoc was amazing today taking care of everything for me. Now..now i just wait and try not to freak out too terribly much. Thank you again.
  11. Thank you,jarn.I appreciate your telling me I am deserving...tough for me to believe though. Finally talked to my pdoc a little while ago and he is putting the referral in for me.I am both relieved and terrified. I really have to make this work this time.I am going to have ask staff for a lot of extra support around managing my anxiety my first week there so I don't run...but,once again I am getting way way ahead of myself. I don't even know how long I will have to wait for my assessment...but at least now the ball is rolling huh?
  12. Yes,Homewood.... There is also Westwind in Brandon,Manitoba,but it is also hundreds of dollars a day and it doesn't have the best reputation.My pdoc had other suggestions for a couple of newer residential places that had opened up,but I found out they are only for adolescents. Ugh.That reminds me-i will likely be the oldest in treatment again.This makes me feel so guilty about taking a spot from someone much younger who as I said,has their whole life ahead of them...there is also the fact that I will have little in common with the other patients other than our EDs.Just different life circumstances for someone in their 40's than someone in their 20's...I am coping with issues to do with an aging parent for example,how could they possibly relate to that? But I am probably being hypercritical and ungracious without even meeting them yet... Tremendous Guilt Always. And,I don't even have the referral in yet so I am getting way way ahead of myself aren't I? Sorry.
  13. Thank you,jarn. A few years ago my pdoc suggested a program in Guelph,but it is $500 a day (maybe more by now) and they only had one bed for ohip coverage.I don't know why- I am sure it is the same with other programs in other provinces,but i will look into them.It can't hurt. Missed my pdoc's call yet again but he left me a message that he had talked to the woman at the hospital with the partial program and she gave him the number of the intake person for inpatient,he wanted to speak to me first but it looks like he will put the referral in for me.I am sure he will.They take the "sickest" patients first-I don't know if I am "sick enough" compared to other people,but my bmi is pretty low right now.Maybe I won't have to wait very long.... Ten beds!!! What is wrong with our government in its lack of funding for mental health?!? It just makes me livid!
  14. Thank you so much for the idea... I would actually love to go to residential rather than do another hospital program,but my pdoc says my province rarely pays for treatment in the US..
  15. Thank you for your reply,jarn. I would so so love to have intensive treatment for my OCD but I don't know where- Years ago an inpatient pdoc I had referred me to MacLean in Boston but of course I couldn't get funding. Anyway,I heard from the hospital that has the partial program.First she said they never received any referral,that i would have to call the EDU at the other hospital and have them resend it. But then she asked me what my BMI is.and of course when I told her she said they wouldn't accept me.She told me to call the other hospital or go to emerg. GAH!!!! I have been to emerg and they would not help me!!! Still waiting to hear from my pdoc. I hope he doesn't put me on a form.He always says he doesn't like to do it but if I refuse to go back to emerg.... I don't know what to do next.I'll see what he says I guess.
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