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About gabagaba

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  1. i used to have a fear of developing schizophrenia,and sometimes it arises again,no matter how hard i work in therapy.My late father suffered from it so that probably plays a huge part in it. My pdoc says it is actually a very common OCD fear and obsession.
  2. tightly wound ball of anxiety.

  3. Hello All. So my pdoc put me started me on Rexulti,0.5mg a week ago because my intrusive thoughts and obsessions have become absolutely maddening. i have refractory OCD and it has been frustrating years searching for the right med. i know that Rexulti works on dopamine and serotonin so it makes sense to me why he wanted me to try it. i am also struggling with anorexia again and dopamine and serotonin are implicated in eating disorders.And of course many of my obsessions are around eating,weight,and food. So,wondering if anybody has tried Rexulti for OCD? Nervous about this med. i become suicidal on SSRI's & SNRI's.Although i know that Rexulti is an atypical antipyschotic,the risk is still there so i must pay attention to that. Also worried about metabolic issues and weight gain. Anyway! Any insight welcome. Desperate for a clear head.
  4. Ack! OCD ordering me around,

  5. Oh and my signature here is old and i don't know how to change it. DX and RX are in my profile.
  6. Every morning i wake up with paralyzing anxiety. i feel it so very physically. There is an anvil on my chest and deep breathing is impossible. My breath just gets stuck. My body is tense,and my heart feels like it is being squeezed. My morning meds help with the physical manifestations of my anxiety,but not with my incessant worry. i am always waiting for something terrible to happen. This could be in part due to my OCD as i tend to ruminate a whole lot.It could also be in part due to my PTSD. My middle name is "Worst Case Scenarios". "What if this happens,what would i do?" What if what if what if? i've done a lot of CBT and DBT,but i have trouble applying the skills i have learned. How to cope with all the "What-If's?
  7. My nerves are on fire.

  8. i have words or phrases or say,names of actors invade my head- They actually do cause me to feel anxious-simply because they are out of nowhere and so so maddening...
  9. dancesintherain, i'm not sure,as of this morning whether i am indeed in a safe enough place..yesterday in my session i felt strong enough to start delving into things....i don't know-i have been avoiding trauma therapy for a long time,and thought that i would be strong enough to handle it,but,maybe i am not ready....at any rate i left a message for my pdoc/tdoc to call me today,i am a mess.
  10. Thank You for your reply,Juniper... Yes,just yesterday my pdoc/tdoc and i were working on my retraumatization issue-which brings up a lot of things i just don't want to think about or feel,and although i woke up feeling....ok,suddenly this wave came over me that i could not cope with,it was just too intense.So,impulsively,i self harmed. My lorazepam does help,a little anyway.
  11. i feel so powerful when i restrict,such a high when the number on the scale goes down..... How to let go? Because truly,at the bottom of this i am miserable. i have run from tx so many times...please,if you have the chance to go into treatment,give it a chance...i regret running.
  12. i'm so sorry! new here,but that is no excuse,i am so very sorry! i do have a wonderful pdoc/tdoc-we had been focusing on my OCD,but we now beginning trauma therapy....
  13. *TW* Graphic Ever since getting outta hospital i have still been self harming.... something tangible,to see my pain on the outside.Evidence of my pain inside..... i am so anxious this morning, *HOW* to self soothe,in a healthy manner? Am i alone in this? Feeling alone in this.
  14. Thank You for the validation,echolocation..... think at this point i am now addicted to it again
  15. Thank You,Juniper, for reminding me that my 12 years still matter,and that i can indeed start again.... Thank You for the hug too.
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