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Melancholya

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About Melancholya

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    female
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    New Zealand

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  1. This is sleep paralysis I think. I used to get it a lot when stressed. Hardly ever happens now. Only if I get dehydrated while sleeping, weird eh? It's the result of beginning to regain consciousness before the brain's "paralysing chemicals" wear off. (the brain paralyses us when sleeping so we are not physically acting out our dreams.) Interesting eh!! I felt so much better about it after learning what it actually was.
  2. I've been taking 100mg in the morning and then 50mg in the evening. Just now I accidentally took both doses because I'm sleepy and wasn't thinking about what I'm doing. I've never taken more than 100 in one dose. I'm guessing I should skip tonight's dose and go back to normal tomorrow? Having big anxiety about it.
  3. I must be about the only person in the world who doesn't lose weight on bupropion, because I eat like a damn pig.

  4. I don't know how many people here play computer games, but I found one recently called Kind Words. It's on Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1070710/Kind_Words_lo_fi_chill_beats_to_write_to/ It's not really a game as such. It's all anonymous, you are a little person inhabiting a bedroom where you can write encouraging letters to other people who have put out notes describing their troubles. You can also send a note when having a bad day, and people will write encouraging letters back. It's really neat and uplifting. I thought it might help someone here.
  5. Thanks for replying I decreased to 150 shortly after making the post and have been fine. It's really helped with the cognitive problems and if it hadn't been the holiday period I would have checked first. But as I said he had previously told me it was OK to decrease if needed.
  6. He did tell me a little while ago that I could take it down to 150 but is even that too much of a jump? I haven't even got a next appointment scheduled the mental health services make them and send out an appointment card. No idea when I can next see him. It is really frustrating not to be able to recall things. And just now I got a spoon out of the drawer for my coffee, turned around, thought 'I need a spoon' then got another one out. It's driving me mad. But I'll leave it alone. I've been on it for a few months now and I feel like I'm getting worse!
  7. Because of side effects? Or the potential to throw my mood off? I am doing well with my antidepressant and anxiety med. And don't want to cold turkey stop it, just decrease a little to help the cognitive effects. 200mg hasn't helped me any better than 100 did anyway.
  8. So being the Christmas period, my psychiatrist is now unavailable for a bit. I currently take 200mg of lamotrigine and I am sure it is making me stupid. I am forgetting everything and I don't even have my head around my Christmas shopping this year - something I am normally very good at keeping track of. My brain feels scattered. I noticed this a lot more after going up to 200. I'm wondering if it's safe for me to go back down to 100 and see how I go for a few days? Or I could go 150? I am so sick of having a cloud in my brain!
  9. Depressed again, who would have thought? Of course I am. 

    1. echolocation

      echolocation

      i'm sorry you've been feeling low, mel. it's dark in the pit, but you're not alone. how are you feeling today?

    2. Melancholya

      Melancholya

      Thanks so much for checking in. I'm feeling a bit better. Yesterday was hard because I'm sick with a cold. Obviously still sick today but mood has improved. I hope you are doing OK :)

    3. echolocation

      echolocation

      i'm glad your mood is better today. being sick always fucks with my mood, too. neocitran is my saving grace when i have colds. i have been doing alright lately, thank you for asking. :^)

  10. Well yeah, I have this personal narrative of being a failure, and because of past experiences of not doing well at studying or working, I have anxiety about getting a job and I can't trust myself to try to study again even if it was interesting. So that makes me feel directionless and meaningless. Lolol. I wish. Mine is pretty great though. He's a late 40s serious-faced Chilean man who has the odd moment of warmth and empathy. It sounds like it is really complicated to diagnose, especially in women as you say. I figure since my sister was diagnosed then there would be a likelihood of me having it. It's probably the depression talking but I keep thinking "maybe I'm just looking for an excuse for being a lazy failure". Maybe I am just a nobody who can't do anything worthwhile.
  11. First of all, I am not asking anyone here to diagnose me and I know that none of you can diagnose me anyway. But I am wondering if anyone can tell me whether my problems are worth asking for a diagnosis about. I am wondering if I have inattentive type ADHD. My sister was diagnosed a few years ago and one of her sons is the hyperactive type, I think. I have always found it difficult to pay attention in meetings at work. If asked what the meeting was about I was only ever able to give a vague answer. I dropped out of university because I could not listen to lectures. I also couldn't read my textbooks. I would read one sentence or paragraph over and over. Then I'd lose interest and procrastinate. I failed HALF of the papers I did, and didn't have great grades in the ones I passed. Anything I initially have an interest in, I seem to get bored of quickly. I feel bored a LOT. I can't concentrate on things I'm doing if there's music/talking/movement going on around me. I recently proofread an entire book for someone and it took me two months because I kept on procrastinating, or finding myself unable to focus on the words. I'd read a page or a paragraph and realise I didn't get the gist of what it was saying. I had to read it multiple times. I couldn't work on it for more than maybe 10-15 minutes at a time? I was always getting up and doing other things and then coming back to it. I can't remember details to save myself. I forget appointments pretty frequently. I do write stuff down, which helps, but then I often forget to look at what I wrote it on, or I lose the piece of paper/diary etc. House is a mess 24/7 and I constantly procrastinate on cleaning it or doing anything that requires effort. I took my daughter to the doctor last week and was then explaining to my parents-in-law why the doctor wouldn't give any treatment, and they were asking questions and I couldn't remember what the doctor had said. Things that were pretty significant and I SHOULD have remembered. At work I used to have to get people to describe things to me step by step, or list out details which I would then write down to keep track of. In the past five years I have finished about 2 novels (reading). I pick up a lot of books which I just don't have the stamina to get through. I put my phone down and a minute later I can't remember where I put it. I'll be on my way to do something and I'll become distracted by something else, and completely forget the first thing I was going to do. I have always put all these problems down to depression, despite being medicated for depression the past 13 years. My mood always improved with the meds but never anything else that I thought would get better with depression treatment. Or I just figured it was my personality and I need to try harder. But I never try harder because I get bored or things feel cognitively too hard. Am I lazy and stupid? Does any of this sound relatable to you all? Mind you, I am taking lamotrigine, and I think it has affected my cognition somewhat. I seem to experience a bit of aphasia now. I basically feel like a failure at everything because I can't apply myself to or focus on anything enough to succeed. Edit: forgot to include that I don't think I had these problems as a kid. Although some of my report cards say that I could do better if I applied myself. I don't remember enough about how I did at school to know for sure. I certainly didn't have hyperactivity and I wasn't disruptive. I know at intermediate and high school I struggled immensely though.
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