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Posts posted by Melancholya

  1. I don't know how many people here play computer games, but I found one recently called Kind Words. It's on Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1070710/Kind_Words_lo_fi_chill_beats_to_write_to/

    It's not really a game as such. It's all anonymous, you are a little person inhabiting a bedroom where you can write encouraging letters to other people who have put out notes describing their troubles. You can also send a note when having a bad day, and people will write encouraging letters back. It's really neat and uplifting. I thought it might help someone here.

    • Like 1

  2. On 12/31/2019 at 10:31 AM, browri said:

    You should never do anything without your pdocs guidance. However, if he did indicate you could decrease it to 150mg, that is a safe jump. If you do not have epilepsy and have been taking 200mg now for several weeks, decreasing to 150mg would generally be considered safe in someone without epilepsy. If you have epilepsy, going in 25mg increments each week is generally safer because it gives you an opportunity to react by increasing the dose if seizures do return with little change for drastic changes in efficacy or side effects.

    Thanks for replying :) I decreased to 150 shortly after making the post and have been fine. It's really helped with the cognitive problems and if it hadn't been the holiday period I would have checked first. But as I said he had previously told me it was OK to decrease if needed. 

  3. 2 hours ago, saintalto said:

    I think it has to do with withdrawal, but it's just one of those meds you don't screw around with. 

    You don't have long to wait until your next appointment, it's not the end of the world to endure feeling a little stupid. I'm sorry you find it frustrating, it's just not a good move to mess with meds at all, but I have been warned before not to touch lamotrigine without a psychiatrist overseeing things.

    He did tell me a little while ago that I could take it down to 150 but is even that too much of a jump? 

    I haven't even got a next appointment scheduled :( the mental health services make them and send out an appointment card. No idea when I can next see him. 

    It is really frustrating not to be able to recall things. And just now I got a spoon out of the drawer for my coffee, turned around, thought 'I need a spoon' then got another one out. It's driving me mad. 

    But I'll leave it alone. 


    1 hour ago, DogMan said:

    i haven't taken lamictal, but in general, the AED stupids pass. It is mostly a start-up S/E excluding topomax (dopeomax)

    I've been on it for a few months now and I feel like I'm getting worse! 

  4. 4 hours ago, saintalto said:

    I would wait it out and see your psychiatrist about it. Lamotrigine is not something something I'd mess around with. 

    Because of side effects? Or the potential to throw my mood off? I am doing well with my antidepressant and anxiety med. And don't want to cold turkey stop it, just decrease a little to help the cognitive effects. 

    200mg hasn't helped me any better than 100 did anyway. 

  5. So being the Christmas period, my psychiatrist is now unavailable for a bit. I currently take 200mg of lamotrigine and I am sure it is making me stupid. I am forgetting everything and I don't even have my head around my Christmas shopping this year - something I am normally very good at keeping track of. My brain feels scattered. I noticed this a lot more after going up to 200.

    I'm wondering if it's safe for me to go back down to 100 and see how I go for a few days? Or I could go 150? I am so sick of having a cloud in my brain! 

  6. 7 hours ago, argh said:

    Do you find that this feeds into your depression?

    Well yeah, I have this personal narrative of being a failure, and because of past experiences of not doing well at studying or working, I have anxiety about getting a job and I can't trust myself to try to study again even if it was interesting. So that makes me feel directionless and meaningless. 

    7 hours ago, argh said:

    As the bizzaroness continues, is your pdoc an old, tall, grandfatherly jewish man who has been a pdoc for 40+ years?

    Lolol. I wish. Mine is pretty great though. He's a late 40s serious-faced Chilean man who has the odd moment of warmth and empathy. 

    7 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

    Seems worth exploring, based on what you say. And ADHD can be as debilitating as depression, IMO. My experience though, and from what I've heard this is quite common, at least in the US, is that psychologists tend to not want to diagnose you as an adult if nobody diagnosed you as a child. Even though girls are less likely to be diagnosed because they are less likely to be disruptive, and even though one might be able to function through the relative ease of childhood responsibilities and then run into a huge wall with college, adulthood, parenthood, etc. But it seems worth looking into.

    It sounds like it is really complicated to diagnose, especially in women as you say. I figure since my sister was diagnosed then there would be a likelihood of me having it. 

    It's probably the depression talking but I keep thinking "maybe I'm just looking for an excuse for being a lazy failure". Maybe I am just a nobody who can't do anything worthwhile. 

  7. First of all, I am not asking anyone here to diagnose me and I know that none of you can diagnose me anyway.

    But I am wondering if anyone can tell me whether my problems are worth asking for a diagnosis about. 

    I am wondering if I have inattentive type ADHD. My sister was diagnosed a few years ago and one of her sons is the hyperactive type, I think. 

    I have always found it difficult to pay attention in meetings at work. If asked what the meeting was about I was only ever able to give a vague answer. I dropped out of university because I could not listen to lectures. I also couldn't read my textbooks. I would read one sentence or paragraph over and over. Then I'd lose interest and procrastinate. I failed HALF of the papers I did, and didn't have great grades in the ones I passed.

    Anything I initially have an interest in, I seem to get bored of quickly.

    I feel bored a LOT.

    I can't concentrate on things I'm doing if there's music/talking/movement going on around me. 

    I recently proofread an entire book for someone and it took me two months because I kept on procrastinating, or finding myself unable to focus on the words. I'd read a page or a paragraph and realise I didn't get the gist of what it was saying. I had to read it multiple times. I couldn't work on it for more than maybe 10-15 minutes at a time? I was always getting up and doing other things and then coming back to it.

    I can't remember details to save myself. I forget appointments pretty frequently. I do write stuff down, which helps, but then I often forget to look at what I wrote it on, or I lose the piece of paper/diary etc.

    House is a mess 24/7 and I constantly procrastinate on cleaning it or doing anything that requires effort. 

    I took my daughter to the doctor last week and was then explaining to my parents-in-law why the doctor wouldn't give any treatment, and they were asking questions and I couldn't remember what the doctor had said. Things that were pretty significant and I SHOULD have remembered. 

    At work I used to have to get people to describe things to me step by step, or list out details which I would then write down to keep track of. 

    In the past five years I have finished about 2 novels (reading). I pick up a lot of books which I just don't have the stamina to get through. 

    I put my phone down and a minute later I can't remember where I put it. I'll be on my way to do something and I'll become distracted by something else, and completely forget the first thing I was going to do.

    I have always put all these problems down to depression, despite being medicated for depression the past 13 years. My mood always improved with the meds but never anything else that I thought would get better with depression treatment. Or I just figured it was my personality and I need to try harder. But I never try harder because I get bored or things feel cognitively too hard.

    Am I lazy and stupid? 

    Does any of this sound relatable to you all? Mind you, I am taking lamotrigine, and I think it has affected my cognition somewhat. I seem to experience a bit of aphasia now. 

    I basically feel like a failure at everything because I can't apply myself to or focus on anything enough to succeed. 

    Edit: forgot to include that I don't think I had these problems as a kid. Although some of my report cards say that I could do better if I applied myself. I don't remember enough about how I did at school to know for sure. I certainly didn't have hyperactivity and I wasn't disruptive. I know at intermediate and high school I struggled immensely though. 

  8. On 10/7/2019 at 2:48 PM, Bueler said:

    The only problem I run into is, sometimes I daydream these deep relationships with people (Friends or otherwise), and I talk to them in my daydreams, then in real life I feel like I'm closer to a person that I really am, because I've fooled myself into thinking it, and it's not necessarily reciprocated.  And it not being reciprocated can cause me emotional hurt.  Maybe this is just me... I'm pretty out there.

    Just came here to say I am like this too. Also, my daydreams are always so much better than my actual life, that I feel more and more depressed with my actual life, lol.

  9. I have this same problem with SSRIs and SNRIs. I hear you. It is frustrating and at times has been upsetting for me and contributed to more depression. 

    I don't know much about ADHD medication, but a few months back I convinced my then-psychiatrist to let me try bupropion (wellbutrin). It's an antidepressant that works on norepinephrine and dopamine, not serotonin. It is I think the only antidepressant that helps libido and sexual dysfunction aside from Remeron.. It has been a godsend for me in that area of things. Additionally, I also recently learned that it is sometimes prescribed for ADHD! so this could be a really good option for you. 

    Another thing I know is that buspirone (buspar) can be prescribed alongside SSRIs to help sexual dysfunction. I wonder if it also helps that way with ADHD meds? I'm very novice about this stuff and there are much more knowledgeable people here than me. Perhaps @mikl_pls or @browri can offer more. They have been extremely helpful to me :) and also @argh.

    Good luck!! I really hope there's something better for you to try. Sexual dysfunction is crushing. 

  10. 19 minutes ago, argh said:

    Yep back at work. I'm going to chock it up as adrenaline due to shit sleep.

    White collar, nothing like thrilling..sort of. I do mumble to myself "you've got to be fucking kidding me" quite a bit.

    Yep I'm the guy that swears to himself between calls then sound engaged and interested in the next call.

    You can use the phone at work?! Well done. I haaaaate phonecalls

  11. 1 hour ago, HydroCat said:

    I thought I was the only one!

    Every time before I get into a pool I look from the outside to find where the drains are... and also where the jets are, so I don't accidentally step on them or go near them.

    This is oddly specific but it seems to have something to do with water pipes.

    Jacuzzis freak me out.

    Yeah it took me a long time to be OK about jets! I still get the heebie jeebies sometimes. I've not yet taken a bath in our spa bath tub (and we've lived in our house for a year and a half) because I don't like the jets. And the sound of it all going. In fact, the first thing I'm gonna get when we renovate our bathroom is a fricken NORMAL BATH. 

  12. 3 hours ago, Juniper29 said:

    I have a weird phobia, too. I'm afraid of wildlife photography. Not actual animals but photos of animals. I have, with exposure, gotten to where I can handle a kids nonfiction picture book with photos, but I can't use Google images for anything animal related, that's just a total panic attack.

    Wow that's really interesting! Is it only wild animals? What about photos of pets?

    2 hours ago, saintalto said:

    It’s not a weird phobia but how I got it is. I was never afraid of heights, ever... my mother was deathly afraid of them though. Then almost directly after she died I was suddenly very much afraid of heights. I can’t stand being up high now. 

    That is really interesting. I'm afraid of heights too, but I always have been. 

  13. I have this really strange phobia. I don't know if it has a name. But I get freaked out by the insides of things where you can see mechanical parts or wiring or pipes etc. I'll give some examples.

    In our bathroom there is a light in the ceiling surrounded by some heat lamps. They're those big lamp kinda light bulbs and the covering around them doesn't go around them tightly. So when I'm in the shower and I look up at them, there is a gap around each lamp and I can see into the ceiling and see some wires and stuff. I get almost a panic looking at it. Then I have to keep my eyes away from the ceiling and I feel freaked out for the rest of my shower. It doesn't always happen but if I do look up there at it I then have anxiety bother me until I leave the bathroom.

    Another example is that our bathtub is a spa-bath and there's this plank of wood at one end that you lift up to get to the controls of the spa. It falls in sometimes and shows some of the interior of the walls and the insulation, plus part of the spa controls. I always have to get my husband to put it back in place because I can't handle looking in there.

    I can't look at the inside of the top of the toilet. I hate that fucking ball thing that indicates how high the water level is. 

    I can't look inside our ceiling. Our air venting system is up there and I am super freaked out by the thought of looking at it. I never want to see it. Even sometimes when I can hear it whirring overhead, it makes me think of the machinery above me and I get anxious.

    Interestingly, I am okay looking under the hood of a car. So I don't think it's always mechanical things. Maybe it's to do with things that are normally concealed being exposed? But I don't have any particular fear of that with human bodies or whatever. Maybe it's just to do with dark places? But actually in any spa bath I feel anxious because of the sound of the motor and pump and jets going. And the big drain in the middle freaks me out so much I stick to the sides and can't even rest my feet down there.

    When the drain in our shower needs cleaning my husband has to do it because I can't handle lifting it up and seeing the pipe below.

    Anyway, isn't that strange? Anyone else have a strange-to-explain phobia?

  14. I took abilify for a little bit and I did have some crappy side effects but they were only at the VERY beginning. So like within the first 3 days. Then after that I was fine. I came off it because I felt no effect from it! But I've read online that a lot of people have benefited from it. Doesn't hurt to try I reckon. 

    • Like 1

  15. 17 hours ago, Velvet Elvis said:

    The ads barely cover the costs of keeping the site online.


    Speaking negatively about advertisers is against the adsense TOS but I can't be bother to care atm.


    Is there a way we can donate? 

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