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About mOoOdymama

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    jekyl 'n hydes castle

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  1. oh mama i sure can relate to you!!! we sound like 2 peas in a pod. PM me anytime. we can talk solo mama BP-hood. (((HUGS)))
  2. i am confused. i definitely am pretty much depressed on some level all the time...some are deeper dark places and some are mild undertones. but agitation is a strong one for me. i don't get elated much and if i do i think it may be where i should be 'normally' (whatever normal is). maybe i don't have mania in the sense of overkill in the i-can-do-anything mode. although i can get that but not to the point where i think i'm superman or think the green light means something deep. anyone wanna help me out on this? is this depression or mania or both? i know agitation can be both. this is so hard to figure out. i'm so tired of this. i just want to find a solution med-wise.
  3. ok. i'm probably going to have to wean my little buck. ugh. i started the other night (then gave in the next day) and he was so sad...he only cried for under 30 seconds each time at night so that wasn't too bad. oh but how i will miss this connection. we will have to find other ways to have connection (not like we don't but its different...). but i must get this under control because i am spinning out of control...for too long now as many of you know. this is crazy. i hate being crazy. pRN is also considering putting me on strattera for the distraction/overwhelm issues as i'm probably ADD too. thanks, silver, for replying so fast.
  4. i am sooo tired of feeling/acting like this. its something awful. pRN wants to try lithium as the lamictal doesn't seem to be helping w/ this. not sure if he wants to add lith to the mix or trash the lamictal. i can't imagine weaning off the lamictal. ugh. more hell...great.................................... my therapist at mental health gave me this mood chart (when i asked for one...) and its so dumb because its a daily thing where you write what mood you were in on it. i said but i go up and down dramatically thruout EVERY DAY. i'm an extremely rapid ultra ultra cycler. its awful and she knows i struggle w/ this. i said don't you have a chart that keeps track of it by the hour or something? she said just do this one and put the most dominant mood for each day. wtf. she must not get it. if you have mania that is mostly high agitation and are prone to rages, what meds have helped you? and are they a mix of anti-convulsants and anti-psychotics or just one or the other...which have worked best for you regarding this mental state. god i hate this. i want it to end.
  5. the virgo and gemini lead does not surprise me. both are ruled by mercury which is highly into thought and communication. very very interesting.
  6. or do they not differ. or is psychosis incorporated into most mental illnesses? or is psychosis more of a mental state that turns into an action? this is so confusing. of course, i understand a pDoc can Dx this more accurately but i have often found i hit the nail on the head moreso than the professionals i see...as they do not see me in action. and what might be some good meds for taming this beast (to be more specific, see orange highlighted area below)? i just found this on wikipedia while doing research on 'psychosis'. i can really relate to the section i highlighted in orange. : ---- The origins of the concept of psychopathy go back to Theophrastus, a student of Aristotle, whose description of The Unscrupulous Man embodies the characteristics of psychopathy.[13][14] In 1801, Philippe Pinel described patients who were mentally unimpaired but nonetheless engaged in impulsive and self-defeating acts. He saw them as la folie raisonnante ("insane without delirium") meaning they fully understood the irrationality of their behavior but continued with it anyway. By the turn of the century, Henry Maudsley had begun writing about the "moral imbecile", and was arguing such individuals could not be rehabilitated by the correctional system.[15] Maudsley included the psychopath's immunity to the reformational effects of punishment, owing to their refusal to anticipate further failure, and punishment.[citation needed] In 1904, Emil Kraepelin described four types of personalities similar to antisocial personality disorder. By 1915 he had identified them as defective in either affect or volition, dividing the types further into different categories, only some of which correspond to the current descriptions of antisocial personality disorder.[16] The Mask of Sanity by Hervey M. Cleckley, M.D.., first published in 1941, is considered a seminal work and the most influential clinical description of psychopathy in the 20th century. The basic elements of psychopathy outlined by Cleckley are still relevant today.[17] The title refers to the "mask" of normality that conceals the mental disorder of the psychopathic person.[18] Otto Kernberg believed psychopathy should fall under a spectrum of pathological narcissism, that ranged from narcissistic personality on the low end, malignant narcissism in the middle, and psychopathy at the high end.[19] Because of the psychopath's inability to internalize superego precursors, they are typically unable to learn from past mistakes, and are completely devoid of a conscience. [edit] Description Lack of a conscience in conjunction with a weak ability to defer gratification and/or control aggressive desires, often leads to antisocial behaviors. Psychopathy does not necessarily lead itself to criminal and violent behavior. Instead, psychopaths high in social cognition may be able to redirect their antisocial desires in a different, non-criminal manner.[citation needed] Psychopaths (and others on the pathological narcissism scale) low in social cognition are more prone to violence against others, failure in occupational settings, and problems maintaining relationships. All psychopaths differ in their impulse control abilities, and overall desires. Psychopaths high in the pathological narcissism scale are more equipped to succeed, but pathological narcissism does not in any way guarantee success. -------------- thanks.
  7. i think (not sure...) i took a double dosage of my lamictal 200 mg yesterday morning. not positive. but when i felt great last night and like i could roll anything off my back, i felt i must have taken double dosage. i hate when this happens. need to put the med in my pill box thingy so this doesn't happen. lamictal is too powerful to mess w/ like that. i felt good though which leads me to believe that this med CAN help me. it helped at 50 mg and then seemed alright til a few months ago...which is my 200 mg mark. so now i'm wondering if i should go up. thing is, neither of the people who've Rx'd this for me feel i can nurse & take a higher dosage of lamictal. this really upsets me...cuz i know other mamas here are nursing while taking these kinds of meds. sigh. so frustrating! they want me to wean my 1.5yo son. i'm heartbroken. he will be too if i have to wean him. hmmm.
  8. my mother. i live with her right now so it really gets me triggering all over the place. my mother when she takes a drink from a straw. she sticks her tongue out and looks like a fucking giraffe or something...she retrieves the straw w/ her tongue and then takes it in. i don't think people usually do this in this way. oh and she will also take food into her mouth and she carefully takes it in like its going to friggin' bite her lip or something. its so weird. i can't stand this. she also will have this rhythm scraping the fork on the plate thing. she does it w/ spoons too. i hate it. its like she is organizing her food...scrape scrape scrape... HOLY COW IT JUST STARTED RAINING CATS AND DOGS. sometimes all of a sudden sounds bug me. or lights. trigger city. smells... my daughter's energy at like 7pm...drives me batty cuz i'm usually exhausted by then (now). i just want to zone out. which is why i'm on here. tuning it all out. i have a LOT of triggers.
  9. tryp, we seem to have so much in common...
  10. birth control pills made me nucking futs. how about going off them and seeing what happens? (of course, use condoms or something else in the meantime...)
  11. ok. well i know i'm crazy...but i feel crazier now. after being on this lamictal since december i think when i go into depression its even deeper...i get in this 'zone' i can FEEL it so strong...disassociation, agitation is extreme. its awful. i think its partly due to this med. i can't take it anymore. made appt. w/ pRN... have any of you had this kind of experience w/ lamictal after about the same amount of time? i feel like i'm absolutely losing my grip on sanity. i feel psychotic in my rageful feelings & reactions...
  12. hey i was wondering if the prozac is helping you...thinking of adding to the mix. this lamictal alone isn't doing it. in fact i think i'm more agitated and more deeply depressed. cycling seems to be more rapid thruout the days...its awful.
  13. i was reading on thomas hales' site and he said that nursing mothers have higher prolactin levels anyway...so that may not be such a big deal? not exactly sure what your concern is but i figured i'd chime in w/ that. so which one is more prone to weight gain in women...zyprexa, saroquel or risperdone. man. this really is a damn if you do, damn if you don't thing isn't it. i want so much to find my happy pill combo but damnit i do not want to keep gaining 'fat' on this bod. it sucks!!!
  14. i'm on lamictal 200 mg. per MH pRN. fuck the celexa the GP gave me. stupid choice IMHO. so what else is a good mix for warding off agitation while still taking lamictal. i think the lamictal helps...a bit. but not w/ the agitation i experience. man it is just awful. i have been reading up on anti psychotic meds for mania/agitation as i have agitation way too much. can't stand it anymore. but i want to keep nursing my son as long as he wishes to, like i did w/ my daughter. i've been reading up on lact meds on thomas hales site (he is a pharmacologist and knows a ton about med safety and research in nursing mothers-esp mental health meds) and it looks like these 3 meds might be worth a shot. well not all three at once but maybe one of them would work. fuschiagroan, you are on lamictal and risperdone, right? are you gaining weight from the risperdone? anyone else? i realllly don't want to get fatter. i just feel so miserable being fat. it sucks, actually. now how about zyprexa re. the weight gain issue? any ick side effects w/ this one? are these all pretty good ones for agitation? why no one has ever NOT put me on one of these in the past is beyond me. morons. thanks. any info would be helpful and appreciated...hopefully this post makes sense. i'm tired and desperate to have relief from this nasty attitude i get from when i am agitated.
  15. thanks, guys. i don't think i eat anymore than i used to...i do overeat. maybe its my age (i am 38) and its all just finally catching up to me hormonally and such. i have been on weight watchers and would like to go back to that. i was losing poundage with that. it is alwyas a great lifestyle to get used to anyway. i don't do 'diets'. i love food though. i love to eat it and as much as i want. unfortunately, i think my metabolism has taken a huge turn for the worse. i'm up to 170 and i'm 5'2". my norm weight averaged at about 150-155 for the past 5 years i'd say. just looks like i'm sooo fat now. every part of me. i look obese. no, i don't think its from nursing...i didn't get like this when my daughter toned down the nursing. so it isn't that. this is weird, that's all i know. will go back on weight watchers. lately i've been so depressed i just want to eat when i want to eat.
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