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About Stephielove77

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  1. Understood. I have seen some good posts on here regarding the combination of the two so I’m hopeful.
  2. I listen to a lot of depression related podcasts, Mental Illness Happy Hour, Hilarious World of Depression, Mentally Chill, I find them helpful to cope and not so isolated. I too am 41 year old loser who can’t take care of herself....but if that were entirely true perhaps I wouldn’t be here. I’m able to type. I can read the message board. I remember watching that Ted Talk with that guy with no arms and no legs and beating myself up for it. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t beat myself up anymore. I can’t afford to. I don’t want to spend the next forty years of my life like this. If I have to go inpatient mental facility then that’s what I’ll do.
  3. Feels like I get up everyday for no reason. That said....if I could cry I would about these posts, absolutely heartbreaking ?. There has to be a way to fight this without succumbing to the void, but in addition to this there are some of us who are teetering on homelessness or already are it’s overwhelming and frightening and I hope we can get thru this. Hugs to all you beautiful souls. ❤️❤️❤️
  4. No, it really is the deepest pit of despair may as well have a laugh, right? I was just thinking today it’s great that I’m not homeless I have clothes, although I definitely FEEL homeless, and have much of my life. Is there a difference between loneliness and solitude? Perhaps the answer is to strike a balance between the two. I definitely like my solitude. Are you perhaps in need of an intimate relationship? It’s an integral part of the whole thing, they say.
  5. It really is the shittiest feeling. As one who never married or had kids, I now live in an emotional poverty where I feel I’m just waiting around to die, I can’t even hide it anymore. with no one to call and hang out with in my current area, I make do with high school friends from 20 years ago phone calls and what not, all happily living their lives, well at least living them with jobs and kids and what not. Also I think people figure out that I’m nuts so that doesn’t help but frankly I don’t like the people. But you need to rely on people for some things in life, the mailman the grocery store the bus driver, or in my case someone to drive me to the nuthouse. I relate to “ who do you do these activities with” because as I am a lesbian in a tiny town where everyone knows your business I don’t really want to be here. You seem to crave connection so I s’ppose you may need to find a group that doesn’t make you feel worse ? or stick it out until you get over that terrible feeling. Definitely keep posting on here. I myself am in deep anhedonia so I may not be the best cheerleader. I’m also dumber than a box of rocks thanks in due part to being a closeted dyke with 40 years of undiagnosed depression and ADHD with no friends along with being an alcoholic. I feel ya ❤️
  6. Aww I feel this so much, I really relate. I’m 41 myself and though not obese I am heavy and have degenerative disc disease in my back while I’m scrubbing dishes and doing manual labor. Actually looking into checking myself into a mental hospital for, as a cousin in the U.S calls it « a tune up ». I didn’t have kids either because I didn’t want to fuck them up and 10 years living in another country coming back here is a walking nightmare. Now I’m a fat bitter dishwasher with no skills to get out of this mess, and poor on top of it. I’ve started a Ritalin regimen and am hoping it will push me to try to get out, at least try but I know myself. Have you considered inpatient care? There’s a sight called Better Help that might be helpful. I feel your pain (*hugs*)
  7. I thought Wellbutrin was going to be the ☝️, I could actually feel it working relatively quickly but the ringing turned into a fullfledged Cicada performance in my head. I’m also aware that the job I have contributes greatly to the depression but that is the price one pays for failure and missed chances in life. Day 4 on Ritalin, took another nap today (?- I’m so tired of sleeping Goddamn it) but it kicked in 2 hours later? ??‍♀️ I’m cautious but I also know my doc isn’t going to prescribe me a different stimulant. I have a script for Prozac it’s the only popular one I haven’t tried but am wondering if I should let the Ritalin build up in the system...but does it even do that? Off to google..:? Thanks for replying Blah Blah I follow you and Mike Pls posts a lot
  8. Hello, amigos. It’s day 3 on Ritalin SR 20 once a day, finally prescribed after « doctor shopping » and faulty antidepressant tryouts. It kicked in right away however I did take a nap today shortly after taking it but that’s probably my body’s usual reaction to fighting off anything new to the system. It worked right away which is a miracle!!!!!! I have the worst job in the world which is dishwashing in my family’s restaurant, basically waiting to die. Well! Let me tell you, the soul crushing agony of a wasted 41 year old woman’s life were momentarily alleviated by focus, order, and execution. I just got on with it. S’ppose it coulda been a Placebo (great band) effect but I’ll take it. Having run the gamut of, oh, every antidepressant to no avail, the last being Trintellix, which after a month left me exhausted, though I’M SURE it would’ve worked after six weeks ? So experienced créatives,my questions to you are: Has adding an antidepressant to your current stimulant (preferably Ritalin) made you exhausted/fried and if so for how long? Is Prozac a lost cause, especially according to Dr Charles Parker ? Ixnay on Celexa, Citalopram, Abilify, Viibryd, Trintellix, Cymbalta, Effexor...those last three were great for a 2 or so months then I slept all day, modalert didnt make a dent..Zoloft I would say I’ve had the most success with but maybe I should do the Ritalin for a couple months before reintroducing? And finally, Wellbutrin was great until the Cicadas in my head....I.E Tinnitus made me want to inpatient myself. Thank you!! tl;dr dx’ed MDD, no bipolar traits and other failed depression treatments include Valdoxan (Agomelatine), Doxepin, Celexa was a goddamn disaster. I aint doin’ no MAOI’s, thanks. Also I live in France and Ritalin was extremely difficult to get prescribed. Thanks, Steph
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