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Rambler76

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About Rambler76

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    Member

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  • Gender
    male
  • Location
    Sydney Australia
  • Interests
    Making up for time lost to my illness and being a better husband and father.

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  1. So pretty much a month or two from today. I guess I’ll need to cope with what I’m dealing with and wait it out. Thanks again.
  2. Hi, From my previous posts you’ll note that I started Nardil as an inpatient. I started on 30mg on the 1 February, went up to 45mg on the 5 February, up to 60mg on the 13 February, up to 75mg on the 1 March and as of yesterday (13 March) my pdoc asked me to go up to 90mg which I did today My depression is better but not great. I’m still suffering from demotivation, apathy and I’m withdrawing. I’m also finding it difficult to get up and go to work during the week and get up on the weekends I’m also quite anxious in terms of rumination, obsessing and agitation. I know that no one can give me a definitive answer but seeing I’ve been on Nardil for about six weeks now I was hoping for a better response. Can anyone provide their experience with Nardil and how long it took to work for them? Thanks
  3. Thanks for the responses everyone. I saw my new pdoc Dr C on Friday and he’s a really awesome guy who’s willing to listen and work together with treatment resistant patients like me. Much more than my old pdoc He’s really knowledgeable on the pharmacology side of things much more than my old pdoc. He seems more focused on patients than my old pdoc who was primarily focused on side projects I won’t go into rather than his patients. I guess this was a lesson learnt for me that if my pdoc is stuck in their ways, then it’s time to change and have a fresh approach and a fresh pair of eyes look at my case.
  4. I’d been keen to try TMS but here in Aus it isn’t covered by the government or health insurance and costs about AUD$300 per treatment and a course of 20 treatments is recommended which I can’t afford. I’m in the process of MAOI treatment and I’m expecting my Nardil to be increased from 45mg currently to 60mg or 75mg. Depending on what my new pdoc will want to do there will definitely be some sort of augmentation which may be Ritalin and I’ll definitely be refusing any antipsychotics as the many I’ve tried have done nothing but add to my problems. I’ve think for the majority of severely depressed patients it does, but in my case it didn’t help me in 2011, 2013 and 2019 and caused me psychological issues that now need therapy to resolve.
  5. I’ve tried a few meds such as Seroquel, Abilify and Zyprexa which haven’t really shut down all of these punishing thoughts. Perhaps it’s a good time to really flag these thoughts with my new pdoc and look for a new med as most other pdoc’s have just called it severe GAD and relied on the antidepressant that I’ve been taking to treat it and left me to suffer with the untreated obsessional side of it.
  6. I have a new pdoc which I’m seeing following being an inpatient but I definitely will be printing this list and taking it with me. Im seeing him in just under two weeks which will be a long wait. Just Nardil, Valium and Zyprexa. I stopped the Anafranil as it wasn’t working anymore with my treatment resistant depression.
  7. Hi, I know that no one on this forum is a doctor or can give me a definitive diagnosis but I’d like to know if my current symptoms present as what may be OCD, predominantly obsessiveness. I suffer from treatment resistant depression and I have been formally diagnosed with serious GAD by various pdoc’s over the years. I was also told by one pdoc that I’m obsessive but I don’t have OCD. I guess now I’m worried that an OCD diagnosis may have slipped through the crack as most pdoc’s have primarily been concerned with my treatment resistant depression and to a lesser extent my comorbid GAD. In was on Anafranil up until October last year and it was on the only medication that I’ve tried in the past several years that has kept my debilitating repetitive obsessional type of anxiety / worry at bay. I’ve still had the symptoms below but they’ve been manageable and I’ve been able to get through life. I’ve recently started a MAOI (Nardil) and I’ve had these symptoms flare up again. Im seeing a new pdoc for a follow up appointment in two weeks and will bring up the symptoms Ive listed below, but would also like anyone’s input as to whether this may be a pure obsessional type of OCD or whether it’s just sever GAD. Anyway here are a list of symptoms: - My worries seem to be repetitive and obsessional. - When I was younger (teenager) I was a checker and would check things multiple times and I still wasn’t satisfied. This seems to have calmed down greatly in my later life but I’m still not 100% over this. - When I was younger (teenager) I was obsessed and convinced that I would contract a STD during any sexual contact I had. - I become fixated and worry about problems and block out everything around me until that problem resolves itself and then I beat myself up for wasting so much time and energy on this and neglecting my family. - I have to check my work multiple at work as I’m worried I’ll get something wrong. This involves things like reading emails multiple times before sending them and even reading this post several times before I post it. - I get agitated about people parking in front of my house and will constantly check (look out windows etc) if someone has done so and will check if they have left and moved their car. - I have a fear of developing psychotic depression as my aunt has this condition although it is highly unlikely and I would have already done so at my age. - I have a fear of going to hell because I’m am not a practicing religious person. - I worry that my house will be robbed when I leave. - I have a fear that when I’m alone at home that someone will break in which causes me to sleep with a weapon nearby. - I worry that I will have a car accident every time I drive my car. - I’m worried that if I have my kids in the car and I’m driving that I’ll have a car accident and injure them. - I have an obsession with being late to work or any appointment and will often drive earlier or catch earlier public transport and arrive earlier than needed and stress and worry until I get there. - I feel like I have racing intrusive thoughts and that I can’t calm down and relax and be at ease. - I have intrusive thoughts like if my family are out they’ll be involved in a car accident and will die. - If I have an uncomfortable or heated discussion i ruminate and stew about this for some time and can’t seem to let go of it. - I ruminate about potential uncomfortable or heated discussions that I may have in the future and how I would respond to these. - I ruminate about conversations I’ve had about people with others and that conversation getting back to that person and that person confronting me. - At the moment I seem to be consumed by an obsessional type worry and can’t concentrate or be at ease. I don’t know whether this is anxiety from waiting for my medication to take effect or whether it’s a presentation of OCD symptoms. -As I mentioned above I’ve still had the above symptoms while I was on Anafranil but was able to function relatively well. At the moment however it’s really wearing me down and I’m very preoccupied by the way I’m feeling and I’m not able to function. I also have concerns about returning to work next week after being on leave for the past month or so and how I’ll be able to function in every day life Im currently taking 5mg of Valium twice a day and 2.5mg of Zyprexa PRN. The Valium helps to a minor extent but the Zyprexa just sedated me to the point of falling asleep. Many input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
  8. I guess I have nothing to lose at the moment and don’t believe a lithium augmentation strategy which I’ve tried in the past will help if Nardil doesn’t come through. You’re correct my present situation isn’t working and I don’t think it will work in the future if I start to become unwell again. I feel that I’m just prolonging my pain staying stable but barely functional. I guess I need some drastic action and changes to feel better and my old pdoc isn’t going to deliver this and isn’t open to my suggestions.
  9. I guess this might be happening to me as well as I came across Dr C while I was in hospital. Dr K is really conservative and won’t do anything that isn’t a classic textbook approach. Dr C from taking my history did make some passing comments about other medications and combinations that would work on my biological depression and would target specific receptors that he thought I had a problem with.
  10. You are correct. Although Dr C didn’t mention any specific treatment options he did make some passing comments about medications that I have been on, and medications that I haven’t been on that may be beneficial. I guess I’ve been stuck in a comfortable rut with Dr K for so long I’ve just accepted the way things are and have just gone alone with feeling the way I have been because I’ve been told that’s as good as it will be. Perhaps a new pair of eyes and a different approach is what I need. I know deep down this is correct but being unwell at the moment makes it difficult to accept.
  11. Hi, I don’t quite know where to put this post so I’m hoping placing it here is a good fit. Apologies for the long read but I could really use some help at the moment. This post is about changing pdoc’s which I’m apprehensive about and I would like to receive peoples thoughts on as I’m in a vulnerable situation at the moment. From my recent pots you’ll note that I’ve gone through a particularly tough time recently since having ECT and being discharged as an inpatient. Going back to 2013 when I was previously an inpatient I was assigned a pdoc at the hospital I was at who was unlike others that I had met over the years. Let’s call him Dr K. Dr K actually seemed to care about my wellbeing and family and seemed to bring stability into my life in terms of medication treatment, even though looking back now the treatments that he recommended didn’t result in a great improvement in my symptoms over the past five years and landed me back in hospital recently. Dr K is extremely conservative and a big believer in conventional treatments such as ECT and lithium augmentation neither of which have really helped me. Having treatment resistant depression I’m always looking for a treatment that might help my symptoms and I refuse to give up and accept my current state and will look for anything that may help my situation. The problem is that Dr K doesn’t like to rock the boat and tries to keep me stable which I respect even though looking back over the past five years since he’s been my pdoc hasn’t really helped me. I’ve basically kept my head above water but I’ve been drowning for a long time is the best way to describe how I’ve felt over the past couple of years. Looking for anything that may help me feel better has resulted in him branding me as a person who is ‘chasing that magic pill’ and being told that ‘a magic pill doesn’t exist’ and being disregarded in regard to any recommendations that I have made to potential treatments. I guess the real turning point was when I was in hospital recently and where refused further ECT treatments after four courses because I couldn’t physically and mentally go through anymore because of the PTSD I experienced last time I went through ECT as an inpatient in 2013. Although I was relatively unwell over the past few years Dr K kept pushing for me to go into hospital even though this affected me negatively. I kept refusing on the basis that being an inpatient and having ECT traumatised me and it’s something to this day that I haven’t gotten over and suffer PTSD from. Unfortunately my depression came back with a vengeance in late December 2018 and by early January 2019 I had no choice but to go into hospital because functioning in daily life was not happening. I went into hospital and was at a really low point in my life and ECT was suggested again. Being at the lowest low and having nothing else to lose I stupidly agreed to go through the treatment as I was in such a bad position. I won’t go into it in detail but you can read about it my ECT post. After going through four treatments I was incredibly depressed, extremely anxious and in a fragile vulnerable position following ECT. When I met with Dr K instead of supporting my decision to stop ECT treatments I was berated and told I was being a difficult patient, that I was dictating my own treatment and that I was making it difficult for him to treat me. After crying me eyes out in front of him telling him I couldn’t go through any more ECT he threatened to walk away from me as my treating doctor and that he wouldn’t prescribe a MAOI that I originally came into hospital to change over to. He ended our appointment with an ultimatum that he would be back in two days and ‘to think about what I wanted to do’. In other words go through ECT or else. Two days later I met with him again and after crying my eyes out he reluctantly agreed to stop ECT treatments and to start Nardil. All of this has really traumatised me and left me with no confidence with Dr K. It’s also concerning that I’ve been told by Dr K that I’m at the end of the line in terms of medication treatment options and the only way forward is to up my Nardil from 45mg currently to 90mg and to augment this with Lithium. Beyond this he’s really not suggesting anything else besides inpatient ECT and outpatient maintenance ECT, something I’m not able to revisit. While I was an inpatient and I had time on my hands I did some research on other pdoc’s who work with treatment resistant patients and that are willing to prescribe MAOI’s and other treatments such as stimulants that other pdoc’s and that Dr K won’t prescribe. I met with a new pdoc today for an initial consultation, let’s call him Dr C. Dr C basically took a thorough history and although he didn’t mention any treatment options at this first appointment, he was incredibly attuned into my treatment resistant depression and told me that I was incredibly patient with what I had put up with over the years and that there were a number of treatment options that we could explore and that I wasn’t at the end of the line. I guess I’m now at a point as to whether I ditch Dr K and go with Dr C. I guess I feel incredibly conflicted as although Dr K has tied to do the right thing by keeping me stable and functioning, looking back I haven’t been well for a long time. I also feel strangely obligated to Dr K for the support he has provided over the years but I’m also incredibly upset and hurst with the way he treated me in hospital when I was in such a fragile state. I’m nervous and anxious about starting afresh with a new pdoc, however I feel that a new pdoc such as Dr C might be my best shot at getting better. Although I find it hard to admit I don’t really see a long term future with Dr K but I feel comfortable with continuing on with seeing him as I don’t like change. Perhaps I have a strange case of Stockholm syndrome going on. As I mentioned above I’m not in the best state at the moment following what I’ve been through and how I’ve been treated but I’m conflicted due to the time I’ve spent with my treating pdoc Dr K. I’m also seeing Dr K next week for a follow up appointment as an outpatient at his request which I will attend. Dr C today asked me to take some blood tests and to see him in a couple of weeks I guess to see how the Nardil is working as I’ve only need on it for two weeks. I would really appreciate any advice in regard to changing pdoc’s especially from those who have shared a long doctor / patient history. I’m not looking for words of encouragement but just straight forward advice as what’s the best for me to do. Thank you.
  12. Hi, Im a bit late to the party but I thought I’d add my experiences. When I’m not well from a mental health point of view I experience acid reflux and the two illnesses seem to be linked. When I’m in a better place I don’t get acid reflux so I have that going for me. What helps me when acid reflux flares up is 40mg of Nexium (Esomeprazole) when needed.
  13. I think you get to a point where your depression is so bad and you’re at such a low point in your life that you’re willing to try anything to get better. I swore that I’d never go through ECT again since my last treatment in 2013 but since I deteriorated so badly I thought what do I have have to lose? i don’t know what happened but I thought I would be strong enough to go through it and get better but it basically broke me after four treatments and really affected me in terms of PTSD and anxiety/agitation/panic. Although I’m out of hospital and I’m trying to put that whole experience behind me I’m still very affected by the whole ordeal and Im still very anxious, uneasy and unsettled.
  14. It seems to be. My depression improved when I went from 30mg to 45mg while I was an inpatient and that seems to be the same now that I’m at home. I know it’s only been 10 days since I’ve been on Nardil and 6 days on 45mg but I still feel a bit anxious and agitated.
  15. I thought I’d mention that I was discharged from hospital on Friday (8 February) and I’ve been home on Saturday and Sunday (today). What I’ve noticed is that I’m still having these bursts of anxiety and fear out of the blue. Although they seem to less intensive than they were in hospital and I seem to be less panicked, the feeling is still quite uncomfortable and intrusive. I’m trying to work it whether this is PTSD associated with ECT or whether it’s anxiety that’s hanging around until Nardil kicks in. Ive been on Nardil now coming up to two weeks starting on 30mg and coming up to a week on 45mg. Plus 5mg of Valium in the evenings. Many ideas or suggestions? Thank you.
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