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The Emperor

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  1. I don't think any of them are so little. But sometimes I don't want to shower and I'm anxious and sad but my fucking conditioner smells like peppermint and it's soothing as fuck so I go shower. Sometimes that's quite literally the only thing I look forward to in a day. Edit: I seriously just got an offer to go to lunch and almost turned it down because my hair is greasy and I am sad but then I remembered the conditioner. I'm going to lunch and the reasons I'm so lonely sometimes are actually my fucking fault. HUH!
  2. That's a really good idea! I have four that occasionally differ in size but usually at least 2 are the same size (different meds) so I'll probably use this! I also had NO CLUE you could get different colored caps at the pharmacy. That is interesting.
  3. There's well meaning ignorant ("Just smile! Life's not so bad!") and then there are assholes spreading dangerous information and trying to profit from it. Sounds like your friend is in the latter category. You dealt with her just fine. Unfriending her was an excellent choice. Good job. I had trouble doing that with people because I felt mean. It's really not mean. Not at all. Especially if it makes you less angry.
  4. I am the worst with this. And it seriously doesn't even have to be a big change. It literally can be like, SO decided to make ONE MORE stop on the way home...when that wasn't the plan. I used to visibly freak out a tad like "God, dammit, why?!" Because I guess it makes me anxious or some shit, I can't tell. Now I just let it fucking go because I'm learning to pick my damn battles. OR, he will now usually tell me about shit like that. that makes me sound like a bitch, doesn't it? Poor guy having to deal with that- and that isn't sarcasm. But I hate it. I hate public places. Or "so and so is coming over in ten minutes!" 'WHAT?! THE HOUSE IS A MESS! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN TEN MINUTES? HIDE?!" Hide. Yeah. Usually hide. So they are small changes or surprises. I've not had a really big surprise, I guess. I'm getting better with this shit, but not in my worst phases. When the shit hits the fan, I hit the wall.
  5. It's happened to me before. I've heard that on occasion people can blend background noises and it kinda sounds like someone talking, or music. I sadly cannot provide a source. I was looking this up because it was happening to me for a bit. Might not have even been a credible source. But I don't think it had to do with the crazy, what I read. Just, yeah, brain blends all these noises, somehow they turn into something that makes sense. That's if you're not prone to hallucinations. Anyone else ever heard of this?
  6. sixth time I've quit smoking so that happened on the 28th. Quite a bitch. Me and the situation :)

    1. yarnandcats


      6th time for the win, emperor!

  7. This is better. One of the side effects of me reading the words "standard knowledge" is excessive and maybe unreasonable irritability. I actually got a headache twice. I also don't think that person was a troll. This one...quite probably.
  8. I agree. I'd say work on self-improvement to gain a better fucking attitude about women/sex/life before dating. That's just a sad outlook. And the whole blaming others thing is bullshit, IMO. Some people are unlucky and I get that, but hating women while finding them fuckholes isn't gonna get you anywhere. Good luck.
  9. 1. Mop your kitchen floor? ....I have a Swiffer! So like, you know, once every few months?? Could do better on that one 2. Clean your bathroom? More often. Wipe everything down and toilet cleaner about 1-2 times a week, sometimes less if I'm feeling horrid 3. Do laundry? Every couple of days. 4. Shower? Daily no matter fucking what. In the past 15 years, I have skipped a day twice. Both due to getting drunk before I got in the shower :/ 5. Get a haircut? Every 6 months until the damage as gone and then hopefully never again! 6. Call your parents? Dad I talk to daily. Mom....I never call. She calls a few times a year 7. Exercise? infrequently and sporadically as shit. Like, 2 times a month on average I bet 8. Go out to eat? Way more than I should. I'm lazy, on a diet, and only get to eat 1 meal and a snack 3 times a week because of this :/ 9. Take a road trip? once or twice a year 10. Log onto Crazyboards? Depends on my mood. Sometimes several times a day, sometimes don't for a month or so.
  10. In the US, apparently it's commonly difficult to get a doc to agree to this procedure if you haven't had something like, 2 kids or something stupid like that. It's a big decision, obviously. You probably could find a doctor who would do it. I thought about it, but I opted for the copper IUD instead. Lasts ten years, definitely not as effective but very effective. I've not been pregnant once since I got it in '08! That I know of, of course. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I'd consider an IUD if it proves difficult to find a doctor willing to tie your tubes without having had a child. Even the IUDs, I hear, are difficult to get (in the US anyway) if you've not had one kid, however I'd just really advocate for either of those things, especially if you're very sure. 22 is young. There's the Mirena IUD (progesterone only, fuck my experiences with progesterone, but some people find it okay) as well, that only is effective for 5 years, I believe. Just some other options to consider. But if you are really, really sure, try as hard as you can to get what you want! Adoption is such a great idea. So many kids need good homes. Good luck!
  11. Damn that's rough. I had GI problems with it, but nothing like that. They actually got worse for me when I switched to the ER but damn, I liked the ER way better. It was just gross bowel stuff. There are things you can take. I'd say Immodium if it's really, really bad because that's helped my stomach pain in the past, however I don't find it worth the 4-5 days of not being able to poo. I don't know if Pepto is any better, but of course these are things you can't take daily. There are OTC pills for like colon health and stuff like that. I wish I could help more. I hated that about Lithium (though my problems were less severe. So the milk helped once? Do you take calcium supplements or vitamin D or whatever was in that milk? Or do you find that eating with it makes it worse? Just some things to consider, I suppose. I'm throwing everything out that I can. That sounds absolutely terrible. I hope you find a way to help it. Maybe you could ask p-doc or even call the pharmacist for advice? Good luck. You should have your miracle pill, but the cost seems high
  12. Thank you! I think I'll get one (probably a cheap one haha) and see if it helps. I think it's worth a shot. Hopefully would remember not to leave it on all day Knowing myself...eeeh that might happen here and there.
  13. I think I may remember one of these topics from a while ago, but I'm not sure it was on the BP forum, or whatever. I know it's been discussed a bunch here. SO, I'm sorry if this is going to be quite redundant or needs to be deleted. I have problems with depression that mostly occur in the fall and winter. Sometimes near the end of spring, shit happens. It doesn't seem to be a concrete cycle, but it's not really something I should ignore, I guess. BPII is what I have. My hypomanias have been good until they sucked ass. I don't know which is worse! Anyway, thinking about the light box because of this. I fucking hate living in a place where the seasons end up ridiculously cold and inconsiderate of my disorder! THE WEATHER SHOULD REVOLVE AROUND ME! haha. Anyone with BP have one? Does it help? Is it true that it could start hypo/mania? Anyone know or have personal experience? Also, how much cash do I shell out if this is a good idea and what the hell do you do with the thing? What's that like? Does it emit heat as well or...? I would google them but I don't know what I'm looking for! Any help on this? Experiences etc? Thanks! (I'm aware that medicating it would likely be the best route but I'm super fucking wary of that right now. Also my new doc is a fucking flake, go figure)
  14. So last night I was having a smoke in the garage when it hit me. Unusual at 11PM as I always shit on schedule in the mornings. But suddenly a horrendous pain ripped through my abdomen, however it wasn't accompanied by that knowledge that I would need to immediately evacuate my bowels. I found this odd, but decided to wait it out. "I probably have to shit" I said to SO "But it feels like I could wait." Five minutes later the terrible pain hit again and I just thought "Fuck it, I'm going to try and shit because this hurts so....hopefully that will make me feel better!" And then I made my way to the little bathroom with no fan to cover the sounds of an awful shit. I don't know how long I was in there, hours, days, maybe I even entered a different dimension. I remember the pain. Oh the pain. So bad. As I began to sweat, I thought to myself "It's not coming out! IT WON'T!" and considered going to take a nap instead. The sweating began. I thought to take off my shirt, but just couldn't do it. I thought how I wished just this once I could smoke in the house on the toilet. But so it was that I realized I'd just have to sit on the toilet and wait. The likely outcome of laying on the couch would just be laying down without shitting (hopefully) with this awful pain. Finally, I know I'm going to actually poo. Seems like that would be a relief, right? Certainly should have been. I began to poop and it was like the whole thing had culminated in even worse pain. As I squeezed every last bit out (and holy hell was there a lot) the pain stayed. Finally it dwindled to nothing and I emerged from the bathroom, not victorious but exhausted. I thought to take a shower. But I really needed another cigarette after that. (It took 30 minutes)
  15. I try to be as productive as possible. I do shit that makes me feel good. Whatever that is. I put on nicer sweatpants hehe. Nah, I dress well because that makes me happy. When I'm depressed, it's a crazy nest of hair that may be teeming with vermin. Yoga pants, usually with ketchup stains, shit with holes in it. NO issue going out in public like that. Actually, I don't mind that part. It's actually nice to put no effort into that and not give a flying fuck. Go outside. Fucking look at pretty things. I enjoy it. That's what I do. I don't know how long it will last. I do whatever makes me and my family the happiest. I guess I live. Because that cycle starts again and again but when I'm not bad, I want to be fantastic.
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