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MisterMelancholy

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About MisterMelancholy

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    Member

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  • Gender
    male
  • Location
    LA
  • Interests
    Psychiatry and mental health, gaming, drama (especially internet drama), lolcows, literature, anime and manga, Japanese culture.

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  1. Ever since I was young I've always dreamed that I'd end up becoming rich and famous and become a well known celebrity or something. There's also other things that I dream that I could be like, such as being really beautiful and going on magical fantasy adventures where I travel to various places and stuff. But the real world is a piece of shit and it's very likely that will never be the case. I'll never live in a mansion and be so famous that people make biographies and documentaries about my life and the things I've done that made me famous. I'll always be hideous and I'll never go on some fantastic quest or anything of the sort. I'll die without having accomplished anything meaningful. Because I can't be things that I want, I don't like myself and see nothing good about myself. People try to convince that I'm not worthless and there are good things about me but none of those things really help anything in the end. I can't feel pride in them because I don't have the things I mentioned. I can only like myself if I live the life I've laid out above. I don't want to be anything else and can only feel truly happy and satisfied with my life if I'm like that.. What can I do? Is it possible to like myself despite the fact I'll never be who I truly want to be?
  2. I've also noticed this myself. A lot of people with bipolar depression tend to also abuse drugs as well.
  3. Hey I'm an aspiring writer struggling with motivation due to my depression and I keep hearing about various other writers, some of whom are famous still being able to keep up a decent work ethic despite of their disability. How do I become like them? Does anyone here got any advice?
  4. Me and counselor exchanged numbers a long time ago. I texted her yesterday. No response yet. Lol sorry guys for being a bit vague about my situation
  5. I see another counselor and a psychiatrist who prescribes meds.
  6. It's my 3rd time now that I've cut myself intentionally. I sliced my wrist at school and a teacher saw it. I did it to try to cope with my feelings of self hatred. I then had to see my school counselor after he saw me do it. It was kinda a bittersweet meeting. I cried a little after I got back to class but noone saw as I didn't weep and only shed 2 tears. I still can't believe I relapsed. I feel guility.
  7. I fucking hate how ugly I am. I have naturally curly and wavy hair like that girl on Peanuts. It's really messy and whenever I try to comb it always goes back to the way it was as if I've never combed in the first place with 3 minutes. Everyone at school makes fun of me by calling me a "crackhead" and a homeless person because of my hairstyle. I am also morbidly obese, weighing 237 pounds. I hate how fat I am and I used to wear jackets all the time even in the summer to try to hide my fat. I also try to hold my breath to be temporarily skinnier. I trying to lose weight but it's impossible as I don't have access to any gyms especially since I'm only 16 and I'm not really the well off type. I also eat a shitton and I'm really impulsive about it. I'll try to commit to eating less and healthy but 5 seconds later I've downed a whole tub of ice cream and I've only realized it when it's too late and I feel guilt. I've contemplated starving myself as a result to lose weight. Is anyone else going through similar stuff? Anyone have any advice?
  8. I've been experiencing depersonalization frequently recently but I don't understand why. I probably don't fit the criteria of depersonalization disorder so the only other reason I could experience is if I used a psychedelic substance, which I do not. I've been wondering if depression is the cause of the depersonalization as it often, but not always, happens during MDD episodes. Could this be correct?
  9. Ok everyone I made a ODD general thread:
  10. I figured since there isn't a thread for Oppositional Defiant Disorder on this forum, I'd thought I'd try to make a general thread here. I was diagnosed with the disorder when I was in my tween years(I don't remember what age specifically) and my symptoms are still a problem. I love drama and trolling I often go out of my way to start drama or prank someone, such as the time I took pictures of my mother when she was sleeping and naked and posted them on social media. These strong urges to start these types of scenarios are big problem which still persists. What are your experiences with having ODD?
  11. Because of my depression, I like many people, have pitifully low self esteem. Ever since Iast year I been having a tendency to daydream of having a better life and various other powerfantasies I make up. When daydreaming my self esteem skyrockets and I feel good. But I kinda resent it because I hate vanity and I'm worried that having super high self esteem will make me arrogant and vain and grandiose. I also begin to kinda lose touch with reality and think that I'm above the rules and stuff like that. I'm worried about becoming egotistic. I had a debate about this 2 days ago with my therapist and she said that the daydreams aren't bad because it's better than having extremely low self esteem(paraphrased). I disagreed. So with all this in mind, is it an adaptive or maladaptive coping mechanism?
  12. Is there a thread anywhere on the site for general ODD(Oppositional defiant disorder) discussion? I was wondering if there is or not since I was contemplating making one myself but I don't want to have another thread about the same topic.
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