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About StriderEnglish

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  1. So, as of recently I'm recently in what I think may be a mixed episode of some sort after being asymptomatic for awhile and something I had completely forgotten about has reared its ugly head. I haven't really experienced an elevated state of any kind in nearly a year (BP2 so not really much of a surprise I'm largely depressed). So my question here. What's something that isn't on the diagnostic criteria but, for you specifically, is a tell that you're entering some sort of episode because it's a pattern you've noticed? The big one, the one I'm talking about, is the fact that I grin
  2. Usually my anxiety spikes, because my bipolar and anxiety play off each other in all the worst ways. Like on top of my normal anxiety issues, I'll start getting this feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin and my normal irritability (because I'm usually mildly irritable regardless) skyrockets through the roof. And I have energy, but it's very uncomfortable energy? And because I'm trying to release the tension somehow, I'm most likely to self harm while mixed so if I get self harm urges, I figure I'm probably mixed.
  3. Part of my old treatment team (a therapist I saw through my university) actually considered an OCD diagnosis for me and I don’t know whether it was just never communicated to my psychiatrist or what but I’m not currently diagnosed with it. I also have issues with rumination and obsessive thoughts, though I believe some of them (though not all, by a long shot) are because of some emotional trauma I experienced a few years back. All of them are definitely exacerbated by being symptomatic (especially when I’m mixed or hypomanic, but also when depressed). I also have a lot of intrusive though
  4. I mean, it sounds like it is to me? And if things like looking at your ex/abuser's social media can count as (emotional) self harm, I don't see why exercise wouldn't count as SI.
  5. This sounds really weird, but sometimes I just get urges because I'm bored? It sounds so fucked up but I have a long and illustrious SI history and it's been a daily routine in the past before (I actually just got out of a two week relapse, actually). And it's a nagging almost voice? It's like whispering in my ear, except there's no real noise. But yeah, I experience that when I'm feeling either very pent up and anxious (the reason my last relapse started) or particularly bored and empty. It's rarely if ever a suicidal gesture.
  6. So I'm a college student and have been off for the summer since early May. I go back in a little more than a week. I have a job but usually don't work more than 32 hours a week with the average being 24-28 hours a week and I tend to work evenings (4-10PM is my most common shift). So basically what I'm saying is I've had a lot of unstructured time and a lot of room to screw around with my sleep schedule. I was pretty stable up through early June until I went on vacation with my family (six hour ride in a car and no time zone change, and we were out there just under a week). I've heard trav
  7. Sometimes, yeah. They usually last a few hours when I can function, at most a day. Or I have days where I'm more or less elevated and it just goes up and down.
  8. I do normally feel my mood stabilizer the most when I'm symptomatic. For example, during a hypomanic episode back in the spring I had forgotten to take my meds for a few days and was having a hard time getting to sleep. Not tired at all, around midnight. I have class the next day. I take my night meds and within half an hour I'm starting to yawn and get tired. However, when I'm euthymic, yeah it's like I can't feel my mood stabilizers at all. It's just another task I have to do, taking them, and I can't feel them affecting my mood at all.
  9. I tend to cycle quite a lot (way more than the four distinct mood episodes a year that's the hallmark of rapid cycling) and I know that, when I first got on meds (I've been diagnosed for going on three years and was lucky to get on a med combo within six months of diagnosis that's worked pretty well for me), it took my meds awhile to really start working. Like easily more than a week, and they were used to treat an acute episode (hypomania) initially. I wasn't hospitalized though. Hope that helped!
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