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About darkthorn

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    Victoria, Australia
  1. I'm not around here really any more, but I do stay in touch with a member or two. Good to see you are back.

  2. Hi, just wondering how things are for you...

    Been a while since I was here last, but wanted you to know you were still in my thoughts.

    Hope to catch up properly soon, maybe I'll catch you in chat sometime?

    Love Maz xx

  3. is all stressed and anxious again

  4. I got an email about this this week from my uni. Thought it was a great step forward in diagnosis, and wanted to share. Taken from http://www.monash.edu.au/news/monashmemo/assets/includes/content/20091021/stories-lead.html 'ECG for the mind' could diagnose depression 21 October 2009 An innovative diagnostic technique invented by Professor Brian Lithgow from the Faculty of Engineering could dramatically fast-track the detection of mental and neurological illnesses. The biomedical engineer has developed electrovestibulography - something akin to an ‘ECG for the mind’ – which measures patterns of electrical activity in the brain’s vestibular (or balance) system against the distinct response patterns found in Central Nervous System (CNS) disorders such as depression and schizophrenia. Working with researchers at the Monash Alfred Psychiatry Research Centre (MAPrc), he tested volunteers and found distinct response patterns that distinguished different CNS diseases from each other and from regular electrovestibular activity. "The patient sits in a specially-designed tilt chair that triggers electrical responses in their balance system. A gel-tipped electrode placed in the ear canal silences interfering noise so that these meaningful electrical responses are captured and recorded," Professor Lithgow said. "The responses are then compared to biomarkers indicative of particular CNS disorders allowing diagnosis to be made in under an hour." Note from olga: readers should use the link to read the whole article. If we publish the entire thing, it's a copyright issue.
  5. Blackbird - You're in the position I imagined myself in a couple of years. I'm currently studying for a double degree of Science and Biomedical Science, as well as a Bachelor of Arts (Literature and Religion Studies). With my daughter maybe coming home, I doubt I'll go on and do any post-grad work. But I will finish my Bachelors, and have something to prove I went to university. The Arts degree is just so I can say I have one, it's a 'do the work, pass it' kinda class. Science is my first love, and I'm relatively good at it. To responses of 'You're so smart', I always reply 'I try hard'. Because it's determination that has gotten me to where I am now.
  6. I saw this. It was on the Australian news. I found it funny. I could probably think of some more examples as well.
  7. Today I learnt about the differences between the knock out, knock in and knock sideways (not really) mouse gene models. I obviously didn't learn them all that well though. And now I'm attempting to learn about F subscript ST. Something to do with genetics...
  8. Humour. Just the kind I like. I didn't take it as encouraging suicide either. Rather, that everyone can have a fresh start at life, in this lifetime.
  9. Hang in there. I'm listening, even though I can't really relate to coming off a cocktail, I know how those thoughts are hell.
  10. yes, it is the sigs. It can also make things 'bold' as well. Easiest method is to either turn off sigs (I presume that's possible) or ask everyone to just have an ordinary sig line.
  11. I had a shower, that was kinda nice I guess. And played some free tetris. I had forgotten how simple brain exercises like that are good for distracting. Still absolutely mad inside, but I don't really know what I'm mad at. I feel trapped. I hate having to deal with IRL people. It's a possibility the suicidal urges are due to the new meds, and I have to remember that in the long run they will help me. But right now it just feels like normal, depressed suicidal. Which is somewhat an angry suicidal. Where I just hurt myself randomly. Have been good. Not played with blades. Having them there, and knowing that I won't use them is reassuring. I AM strong enough to have given up cutting. I'm not going to cut. Will be a good Dark, and distract self some more. Brain is definitely all wonky. Thoughts feel disjointed. This post seems disjointed.
  12. She just got home, which is good. I'm feeling less needy now, which is also good. Still want to, but am not.
  13. I've managed not to do any serious SI lately, because I know it's not helpful in the long run. I'm also very ashamed of the scars I have, and really don't want to have more. I'm currently urging to suicide though, and I needed to hurt myself to distract myself from this. I basically started hitting myself really hard. It sounds pathetic when I write it. But I haven't self harmed at all lately, and it feel like a lot. I've probably left bruises. I'm tempted to keep hitting myself until my arm/bone/tendon stays hurting for longer periods of time. I really need to distract myself. I wish my housemate was at home, she could probably distract me, or we could go swimming or something. But she's not, and I'm stuck here with the nasty thoughts and internal hurting that want to be externalized.
  14. Tell your friend to find a new tattoo parlor. The guys that did my tattoo were really nice, and didn't overstep boundaries at all. Also, I'm sorry that they did that too you, unwanted hugs are always very uncomfortable.
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